


To the Great Deep He Goes

by Cibeeeee



Series: College AU [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, But loving brother, Domestic roommate stuff, Fluff, Future characters to be added - Freeform, Genji Shimada is a Little Shit, Hanzo crushes first, Human Zenyatta, Humor (sort of), M/M, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), roommate au, somehow it involves a lot of food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-08-08 07:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 53,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7748191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cibeeeee/pseuds/Cibeeeee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanzo accompanies Genji to their new college, and of course Genji would want to room with his friend--leaving Hanzo to deal with a god-forsaken cowboy whose only goal that year was to be Hanzo's friend.  And as the cowboy said, "You're stuck with me for the rest of the year." - and a lot can happen in a year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The timeline doesn't necessary correspond with the canon timeline.

“ _Are you settled in?”_ Genji texted him.

Hanzo looked at his phone, “ _Almost,_ ” he typed.

He put down his phone for now, setting up his text book on the desk he had chosen. His bed was behind his desk; boxes of clothes and books neatly sat upon it. He hasn’t put on the sheets yet, so the bed looked grimy (in Hanzo’s standards). At least his bed was next to the window.

His phone buzzed.

“ _How’s ur roommate?”_

“ _Haven’t met him yet._ ” Hanzo texted back.

“ _My roommate’s great._ ”

“ _I know that._ ”

“ _Just saying._ ”

Genji’s roommate was the Nepali monk he had befriended in Japan, who Genji had decided he wanted to “follow for the rest of his life.” Zenyatta was still young, and his teachers decided it would better if he expanded his knowledgein addition to his spiritual training. Zenyatta was going to a university to study Sociology, and Genji promptly decided to tag along; he had just graduated high school anyway, his brother said.

Genji had asked Hanzo to come with him. And Hanzo had agreed even though he was already finishing his second year of college and was on to the third. He didn’t want to leave his brother again; especially not after he had decided he wanted Hanzo back in his life.

“ _I’m gonna go to lunch with zen, u wanna come?_ ”

Hanzo paused. He wanted to go with Genji, but not if Zenyatta was there. The monk’s pleasant smile always reminded him of what he failed to accomplish as a brother. He didn’t want to show any weaknesses in front of Genji’s friend. Usually, Hanzo wouldn’t care as much, but Zenyatta was nice enough that Hanzo didn’t dare test his brother’s friendship.

“ _It’s fine. You go. I’m going to finish unpacking_.”

Hanzo felt a little self-conscious for lying and glanced around the room, despite having been the only one there. Even if he wasn’t, he doubted anyone would understand his native language.

He continued to put his clothes in the closet and the sheet on his bed. His roommate still wasn’t here. It made him uneasy, not knowing what his roommate would be like.

His father had wanted to rent them an apartment- a spacious, comfortable place for him and Genji to live in- so Hanzo would not have to deal with the hassles that came with roommates. However, Genji wanted to live on campus, and of course he wanted to live with Zenyatta.

Hanzo tried not to take that thought too personally. He should be glad that Genji even wanted him to be here. He was only two floors down anyway.

Where _is_ his roommate?

Hanzo contemplated greeting the people who lived on his floor.

He closed the door instead.

Hanzo was browsing through his textbook when the door slammed open. He calmly put away his book.

“Howdy,” a deep voice drawled.

When Hanzo said he had wanted to see his roommate so he could be prepared, he definitely wasn’t prepared for…whatever this was.

The man standing at the door wore a cowboy hat, a red cloth draped around his neck. He had on a flannel shirt, tight jeans, and… _cowboy boots_?

Hanzo was having a sensory overload.

“I swear our room is the only one with its door shut. Tryin’ hard to make friends, ain’t ya?”

Hanzo stared at the cowboy.

“The name is McCree,” the man tipped his hat and held out his hand, “Jesse McCree.”

“Shimada Hanzo,” Hanzo took his hand, gripped tightly. The other man’s grip was also hard.

“Lovely.”

“Excuse me?”

McCree laughed, dropping his suitcase and duffel bag on the other bed. He didn’t seem to mind that Hanzo already took the other side of the room. He was rubbing his soul patch and the stubble around his chin. McCree hummed, looking at Hanzo.

“I’m Pretty sure there’s gonna be a shit-ton of parties tonight, wanna come?”

“No.”

Now McCree looked surprised. “You serious?”

“Yes.”

“Dang, you’re a straight fella, ain’t ya?”

“Yes.”

McCree rolled his eyes, stood up from his bed and walked to the door.

“Well, it was nice talking to ya, but I’m gonna get goin’”

“You’re not going to unpack?”

“I’ll do it tomorrow,” McCree waved his hands. He left the door open.

．．．．．．

 

“Sooooo…? What’s your roommate like?”

Hanzo was in Genji’s dorm room, sitting on his brother’s bed. Genji sat on the floor between his and Zenyatta’s bed.

“My roommate is a fucking cowboy,” Hanzo said, and had to remind himself to say it in English so Zenyatta would understand (per Genji’s request).

Genji laughed, “Wait what? Was that supposed to be a joke?”

“Believe me, Genji. I have never in my life hoped that this is a joke more than I am now.”

“He’s an actual cowboy?”

“ _I hope not_. But he is dressed like one.”

“Holy shit, I want to meet him.”

“ _Genji_.”

“Alright,  _alright_.” Genji threw up his hands, clearly seeing this was a topic Hanzo did not wanted to elaborate on. “Anyway, we’re going to a party. You want to come?”

“A party? With Zenyatta?” Hanzo asked. He gave Zenyatta a surprised look, “I did not think you would like parties.”

“Everyone wants Zenyatta at their party!” Genji cut in before Zenyatta opened his mouth. Zenyatta just smiled and let Genji talk, “Everyone wants to talk to him about their bad life choices.”

“I do wish they would stop asking me to juggle, though,” Zenyatta said, somewhat ruefully.

“I’ll stop people from asking,” Genji promised, “Oh! And Zenyatta is really good at dealing with sad drunks. Which reminds me, you should definitely come with us!”

“You brat—!”

“We better leave before Hanzo burst. Let’s go!” Genji jumped up from the floor, grabbing Zenyatta with him, “Make sure you lock the door, brother!” And then he was gone, although not before Zenyatta managed to give Hanzo a pleasant smile and a wave.

Hanzo sighed. He picked up Genji’s scattered clothes and folded them neatly. He then left Genji’s room and made sure it was locked (Genji gave him a spare key; and Hanzo gave him his.)

Hanzo was glad Genji was out having fun, even if it’s not with him. His brother has always enjoyed crowds, and even though Genji’s behavior and parties drastically differed from when he was in high school, Genji still enjoyed people. (And meditating with Zenyatta, a recent development.)

Hanzo thought of his little brother’s scar, flat and dark on his face after the numerous surgeries he took to get rid of the uneven skin. Now he didn’t have to wear a gauze mask everywhere he went. Genji could handle the dark lines on his face (and other parts on his body). He could handle people’s questions, but if Genji really wanted to, he would use makeup, even though he stopped using them a while ago after he met Zenyatta.

Genji had accepted his body by now. Hanzo was the one who couldn’t stop thinking about them.

He thought of calling Genji and telling him he would join them, but he decided against it—he didn’t want to be there when people asked Genji how he got his scars.

．．．．．．

 

“Pretty sure you’re not allowed to have a hotplate in the dorm,” McCree said breezily on his bed, boots propped up on his chair.

“Pretty sure you’re not supposed to smoke in the dorm as well,” Hanzo snapped.

“That was only one time—I already said sorry!”

When McCree raised his voice, his accent always grew thicker; prolonging his vowels; his ‘I’s more like ‘Ah’s, and it drove Hanzo crazy.

It hasn’t even been two weeks yet. McCree probably thought Hanzo was the weirdest person he’s ever met. Hanzo had a drawer dedicated to stationary; McCree probably didn’t even own a pen. Hanzo spent his night reading textbook for his class, and McCree partied until he stumbled back, smelling like sweat, smoke and beer. Hanzo only hung out with Genji, and McCree has already met so many people, that he’s already befriended Genji without Hanzo even introducing them. (“Jesse!” Genji had greeted warmly once when he came to meet Hanzo for lunch, much to Hanzo’s displeasure. Genji had glanced at him questioningly.)

Every night, after the day’s classes are over, Hanzo would sit down and start studying furiously, and McCree would put on his cowboy hat and ask, “Coming?”

Hanzo never said yes.

Tonight was no different. McCree stuffed his cigarettes in his pocket and turned to him, “I’m going down to have dinner first, wanna come?”

Hanzo shook his head, eyes not leaving the pages.

McCree left, and Hanzo watched him leave, as he did every past few days.

When McCree came back at around eight o’clock, he took a look at Hanzo and yelled “For fuck’s sake!”

Hanzo muttered something that would be extremely offensive if McCree understood him.

“I’m getting you out of this room,” McCree declared.

“No, you are not.”

“I betcha none of these are due in the immediate future,” McCree was suddenly leaning over Hanzo’s shoulder. Hanzo’s muscles tensed.

“It’s good to be ahead of schedule,” Hanzo mumbled into his homework. McCree was _so close,_ and Hanzo found himself leaning towards the smell of sweat that still clung to McCree’s skin. “It is what a responsible adult should do.”

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ.”

“Why are you doing this?” Hanzo asked, suddenly irritated. “Why are you so desperate to befriend me?”

“Because you’re my roommate.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah,” McCree paused. “Alright then. So do ya wanna play pool with me? Just the two of us.”

“No.”

“God dammit, Hanzo! Throw the man a bone.”

“I don’t want to.”

“You’re coming with me.”

“No. I am not.”

“Yes—”McCree kicked Hanzo’s chair, and Hanzo almost punched him ( _almost_ ).

“What you’re wearing is fine,” McCree pulled at Hanzo’s tee shirt, “maybe put up your hair, it’s gonna get in your way.”

“I don’t want to go. If you are trying to befriend me, maybe you should just leave me be.”

“Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me for the rest of the semester. I’m just gonna ask you every day, and it’ll get real annoying when there’s tests and stuff. Why not say yes now?”

Hanzo glared at McCree, McCree just grinned back.

“And you will stop pestering me?”

“Maybe.”

Hanzo sighed, and started to put up his hair. McCree actually fist punched the air.

“You are very dramatic, do you know?”

“Of course, Darlin’.”

Hanzo almost choked on air, “Do not call me that.”

McCree didn’t hear him, or he just chose to ignore Hanzo. Either way, it made his blood boil.

“Come on!” McCree waved at Hanzo, who reluctantly went over.

“Don’t I have to bring anything?”

“Nah, I’ll drive, and I know the bartender pretty well, so we won’t be paying nothing. Just bring your keys.”

“Are you even allowed to drink?” Hanzo squinted his eyes.

“Definitely not, and it ain’t stopping me or the other thousands of underage drinkers.”

When they walked out of their dorm room a few people were found lounging in the hall; some of them greeted McCree, and there were some who gaped at the sight of Hanzo.

“Hey, I didn’t know you had a roommate, Jesse!” A girl said sarcastically.

“He has a roommate?” A boy next to her asked, genuinely confused.

“Everyone, Shimada Hanzo.” McCree put his hand on Hanzo’s lower back and pushed him forward, and Hanzo briefly wondered if anyone would miss McCree if he beat him up for ongoing violation of personal space.

“Hello,” Hanzo greeted stiffly.

The two students greeted him back warmly, but Hanzo just wanted to get this over with. Luckily, McCree started walking towards the elevator, pulling Hanzo with him (Hanzo wiggled his fingers uncomfortably.)

McCree’s transportation is a beat-up pickup truck, and McCree tried to help Hanzo climb on. Hanzo refused vigorously.

“I was just being a gentlemen,” McCree mumbled as he climbed into the driver’s seat.

“Save it for someone else then.”

They drove in comfortable silence, which surprised Hanzo; he was not expecting this to be so easy. McCree was whistling, a deep, pleasant tune.

They got to the bar fairly quickly. McCree greeted the woman standing at the door, and she let them both in without asking anything.

“So we’re gonna play eight ball,” McCree said as he took the break shot, also pocketing a ball. He went on to explain the rules. Hanzo nodded along, and didn’t bother to tell him that they had a pool table back in Hanamura, and how Genji and he used to play it all the time after training.

“And you hold the cue stick like this, bridge your other hand like this…” McCree bent over the pool table slowly to show Hanzo how to stand properly in pool.

Hanzo forgot he was supposed to be looking at McCree’s hands.

McCree lined up a shot. It went in the corner, but McCree still stood up and said “All right, give it a go.”

Hanzo didn’t even hesitate. He’d already know where he wanted his shot. He bent over the table and banked a five in the corner. He stood up, arched an eyebrow at a sputtering McCree.

“What is the matter?” Hanzo said, not bothering to wipe the smug look off his face.

McCree laughed, surprised and not at all upset. “Ohhh, I see how it is. Trying to throw me off, eh?”

“I am doing no such thing.”

“Well, my ma always said, if you’re a good player, you’d never have to bank any shots.”

“Of course. But it still takes skills, no?”

McCree gulped, then he proceeded to miss the rest of his shots for the rest of the game. Hanzo won so easily he was actually reluctant to carry out his “Play one game and force McCree to take him back” plan.

“Another,” he said, “What were you doing?”

“Nothing!” McCree half shouted, face red. “Just going easy on you, ya know?”

“No, I don’t know.”

“God damn, Hanzo,” McCree chuckled loudly, his brown eyes fixed on him, smile wide, and Hanzo had to turn away.

．．．．．

“Are you doing anything other than studying, Hanzo?” Genji asked him during dinner one day when Hanzo told him the last person he spoke to was his Economic professor.

“I am,” Hanzo said gruffly, “I am—”

“I mean, other than Jesse,” Genji added slyly.

Hanzo was confused for a few second before he blushed furiously ( _obviously_ out of anger.)

“I have no intention in doing anything with McCree,” Hanzo refuted angrily.

“Sure. So are you doing anything or not?” Genji rolled his eyes.

“I was thinking of going to the school gym.”

“That’s good!” Genji said earnestly. Hanzo knew despite all the teasing, his brother still wanted him to get out more, so it wouldn’t be too obvious that Hanzo was only here for him.

But that’s what Hanzo tells himself; he knew Genji wanted him to get out more because he didn’t want Hanzo to feel trapped. It just gave the older brother an ugly feeling of guilt in the pit of his stomach whenever he thought of it.

“Do you think they have archery?” Genji’s question pulled him out of his haze, his brother stabbing his salad, obviously decided not to eat it. Hanzo grabbed the container over and started on the greens. Genji smiled.

“I doubt it, but even just weight lifting would be sufficient, just to keep exercising regularly.”

“Yeah, I’ll go with you sometimes. Gym is a great way to meet new people.”

Hanzo squinted, “I don’t think you need to meet more people.”

Genji gave him a look and shoved at Hanzo. Hanzo laughed.

．．．．．．

“Is this McCree’s roommate?” someone said on the phone.

Hanzo’s tensed, he wasn’t expecting McCree to have his phone number and he definitely didn’t expect the person who called him _to_ be someone besides McCree. It was two in the morning, McCree was nowhere to be seen, which was admittedly normal, but Hanzo was getting nervous.

“Yes,” he answered tersely.

“McCree is drunk off his ass and I’m busy right now. Come and take care of him, will you?”

Hanzo’s frowned at the harsh words.The man didn’t sound like McCree’s friend if he was treating him as a hassle. He didn’t reply and the man made a sound, annoyed.

“Gabe!” someone in the background hissed.

“ _What_?” the man hissed back. Hanzo heard the sound of the phone being passed.

“Hello,” a new voice said. Hanzo was getting exasperated, even if this new guy spoke politely. “Sorry about that. My name is Jack. Are you McCree’s roommate?”

“Yes,” he replied again, hearing the first guy in the background yelling “ _I’ve already asked him that!_ ”

“Would you mind coming over to the Kirkland building to get him? He’s too drunk to drive himself, and we’re a little preoccupied at the moment.”

Hanzo could hear loud screaming and cursing and laughing in the background, and someone yelling in Spanish. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Is he alright?”

“He’s fine,” Jack said, “he’s sleeping.”

Hanzo sighed. “I’m coming right now.”

“Thank you.”

Hanzo hung up without saying anything. He groaned and got up from his bed to put on his hoodie. On his way out he also grabbed McCree’s jacket. It was getting cold.

The Kirkland building wasn’t too far away by car, but it didn’t help Hanzo’s mood any bit. When he got there, a man was standing with McCree lounging against him, passed out. Hanzo glared at the man’s arm around McCree’s waist.

The man whistled when he stepped out. “Nice car,” he said.

Hanzo ignored him, and motioned for the other to pass him the drunk cowboy.

“So I assume you’re weirdo roommate who is also kinda sorta hot winky face?”

Hanzo frowned, not sure what the other was saying. The man still made no motion of letting go of McCree, so he reached out and tugged McCree toward himself. McCree slumped against him, mouth hanging open and drooling all over his shoulder.

“Are you Jack?” Hanzo asked, pushing McCree’s head away from him. The man reeked more of alcohol and smoke than usual.

The man shook his head, “Jack and Gabe are still upstairs calling various roommates to pick up their drunk buddies,” he said and laughed. Hanzo did not laugh with him.

“Thank you for taking care of McCree, then.” Hanzo nodded, already walking to his car.

“No problem.” The other man replied.

Hanzo dragged McCree to his car and dumped him into the backseat, throwing his jacket on top of him. He silently swore that if McCree dared puke in his car he would make sure the man scrubbed out every last trace of his own vomit. With a fucking toothbrush.

Hanzo was fuming.

McCree’s drunk grumbling all the way back didn’t help in the least.

When they got back to their dorm, McCree refused to get up, so Hanzo couldn’t carry him on his back with McCree’s insistence on lying down. Hanzo just picked up McCree in his arms, princess-style and all, and carried him all the way back to their room just like that. McCree didn’t protest; he was still technically lying down after all.

Hanzo put McCree down so he could unlock their door. McCree slumped against the wall. Hanzo dragged him inside and threw the man onto his bed. McCree mumbled something.

“What?”

“My hat.” McCree said.

“You must have left it there.” Hanzo said, “You can get it back tomorrow.”

“I can’t sleep without my hat.” McCree said, his accent thick. Hanzo noticed it tended to happen when McCree was sleepy as well.

“You are going to have to,” Hanzo gazed at McCree tiredly, rubbing his own eyes. “I have never seen you sleep with your hat anyway.”

“It’s always next to my bed,” McCree’s arms reached and patted around his small bedside table. “Where’s my hat?”

“Not here. Go to sleep, McCree.”

“I can’t.”

“Are you a child?  _Go to sleep_.”

“ _I can’t_.” McCree said, his eyes wide.

Hanzo cursed under his breath in Japanese, “ _Stupid cowboy_.”

“ _Hanzo_.”

The way McCree said it made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. McCree was still looking at him with his eyes blurry and wide.

Hanzo growled and grabbed his car keys.

When Hanzo stopped yet again at the Kirkland building ten minutes later, a different man was waiting for him. He smiled at Hanzo when he got out.

“I can’t believe McCree wants his hat so badly,” the man said, and Hanzo recognized his voice this time.

“Yes,” he replied tiredly, grabbing the hat, and left with a quick goodbye.

When he got back to his dorm, McCree was fast asleep, snoring loudly, limbs splayed, and pillow wet with drool. Hanzo threw the hat on McCree’s face, and the man didn’t even flinch.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo takes McCree grocery shopping

When Hanzo woke up four hours later for his morning class, his head hurt from the lack of proper sleep and his eyes threatened to close every time he blinked.

McCree was still sleeping, hugging his stupid hat. Hanzo flipped him so he was lying on his side, in case he threw up. Hanzo didn’t have any aspirin, so he settled with just putting a cup of water next to McCree’s bed.

After that he went to his class and suffered through it feeling like he banged his head on a steel pillar, multiple times. This always happened when he didn’t get enough sleep—a dull pain behind his eyes and sharp pain on the back of his head. When it was especially bad, strained muscles made it feel like his neck couldn’t handle the weight of his own skull. Today was one of those days.

He finished his class with less notes than he’d usually like to have. His next class wasn’t until later in the afternoon, so Hanzo contemplated on going back to his room and sleep until his next class. He didn’t want to accidentally mess up his sleep schedule too much.

He still returned to his room, so he could make sure his roommate didn’t choke on his own vomit. Hanzo didn’t have the energy to deal with the police for someone dying in his room. 

McCree was still passed out on his bed in the same position, and for once Hanzo actually panicked a little. He went over to McCree’s bed and tried not to let his stride seem too fast, even if there was no one in sight to judge him.

Hanzo turned McCree’s head so he was facing him. Hanzo pinched McCree cheeks; the other’s mouth pursed and mumbled something indistinguishable. Hanzo started, as this wasn’t his intention. Hanzo was worried. Then he stared at Jesse’s mouth and that worried him some more.

Hanzo let go of McCree’s face and turned away guiltily, as if he’d been caught doing something indecent. Though one could argue that staring at your sleeping roommate’s lips easily fell into that category.

Turning back to his desk, Hanzo took out his textbook from his morning class and intended to review the lecture he had today. The one that he had barely paid attention to.

The next thing he knew was that he was shaking, jolting up in his seat with a start. For a moment Hanzo panicked and a voice in his head screamed _earthquake_ before he felt the heavy hand on his shoulder, shaking him a little too roughly.

Swatting the hand away, Hanzo turned and glared at McCree, who for once, didn’t look like he was trying to annoy Hanzo.

“Hey,” McCree said, sheepishly, “sorry, should I leave you to sleep…?”

“I think it is too late to ask me that after you have woken me.” Hanzo replied.

“Aw, shoot, ‘m sorry.”

“It is… alright.”

“Did Jack drop me back last night?” McCree asked, “Y’know, blond hair, blue eyes. Polite fellow. Or was it Gabriel? I doubt it…”

“Neither, I did.” Hanzo said calmly, or so he hoped.

McCree balked, “Did you really?”

“Yes.”

“You went and picked me up? At what time?”

“Around two in the morning.”

McCree winced, “Why’d you do it?”

That was not the gratitude Hanzo was expecting, his brow furrowed, “Excuse me?”

“I mean, I was kinda under the impression you didn’t care much for me, y’know. You never wanted to hang out with me when I ask you or anything.”

“I don’t want to hang out with anyone, what makes you think you are so special?” Hanzo said, somewhat defensively. “And whether I want to ‘hang out’ with you or not had nothing to do with it. I was not going to let you pass out somewhere I wasn’t sure was safe.”

McCree actually looked amazed, or deadpan, Hanzo wasn’t sure. “Wow.” Was all he had said.

“… Is that all?” Hanzo asked, feeling rather betrayed, although for what reason specifically, he wasn’t sure.  

“Well, thank ya kindly, Han. It means a lot.” McCree replied.

Hanzo's face burned at the nickname, but didn't say anything. Not when he was more displeased at McCree's easy response. McCree walked out of the door and disappeared somewhere without another word. He wondered briefly why he bothered to wake up at two in the morning for his roommate.

McCree came back right after Hanzo promised to not help his roommate ever again. Hanzo crushed that promise when he received a steaming cup of coffee.

“Here,” McCree said, putting the cup in front of Hanzo. “It’ll help you stay awake, and also clear the headache.”

Hanzo shot him a confused look and McCree laughed. “You’ve been rubbing your temple since you woke up.”

Hanzo dropped the fingers from his temple.

McCree sat down at his desk right next to Hanzo and put down the stuff he was holding under his arms-a carton of milk and a box of cereals. No bowls, and no utensils.

There was a lot of things Hanzo thought Jesse McCree was capable of doing, but eating breakfast like a three-year-old was not one of them. Correction: three-year-olds would still know the proper way of eating cereal.

What’s not a proper way of eating cereal: grabbing a handful of glistening, sugary cereal, shoving them in your mouth, and washing it down with milk, straight out of the carton.

McCree obviously didn’t see the mortified look on Hanzo’s face, since he was tilting his head back, letting cereals slide into his mouth-maybe he was tired of using his hands to eat as well.

“You… you didn’t bother to get a bowl?” Hanzo asked after McCree finished his last mouthful. The other just shrugged.

“Didn’t feel like doing dishes.”

“You could eat… sandwiches.”

“Ain’t got the stuff for it.”

“Go buy them, then.”

“Dunno where the market is.”

“You _don’t_ -”

“I never bothered to find out, not like I can cook or anything.” McCree replied, like it’s not a big deal.

“But you do not eat in the cafeteria,” Hanzo recalled McCree saying it was too expensive for the kind of crap they disguised as food. “What do you eat?”

“I just drink coffee in the morning, then I eat whatever they have at the party I’m at. Last night Jack made me some boiled potatoes.” McCree shuddered.

Hanzo frowned, “That is not very healthy, considering how often you drink.”

McCree beamed at his words, “Aw, Hanzo, you care about me?”

“If I did not, I would not have picked you up last night.” Hanzo said, and immediately regretted it.

McCree’s surprised face mirrored his, though with the lack of blush that was creeping onto Hanzo’s face. Hanzo turned away from McCree and sipped at the coffee. It tasted of honey, too sweet.

It was an uncomfortable silence that followed, Hanzo was beyond embarrassed and got really mad at himself for thinking he could handle rooming with a stranger. Now that he thought about it, he could handle a smelly roommate, or a roommate that stole his food, but not a roommate that was charming and attractive plus all of the above.

Hanzo looked back at McCree, who was spacing out and had cereal stuck to his cheek. Maybe charming wasn’t the right word, but Hanzo couldn’t deny the fact that McCree certainly charmed him.

Just thinking about it made Hanzo’s stomach twist.

Letting out a sigh, Hanzo offered: “Do you want to go to the supermarket?”

“Huh?”

“Do-you-want-to-go-to-the-market?” Hanzo dragged out, feigning impatience.

“For what?”

“Food, so you can live until midterms.”

McCree rolled his eyes. “Very funny.”

Hanzo gave him a look, “I was not being funny.”

There were still a few hours before his class, so he insisted that McCree take a shower before they leave, which earned him an exasperated look from McCree that dissolved after he tried to smell his armpit to prove he didn’t need a shower.

The common room and kitchen was filled with other students. Most of them, if not all, were international exchange students. Hanzo had asked why McCree was living in this dorm when Hanzo knew he was from New Mexico.

“The other ones were outta room, I think.” McCree had said.

They passed by other residents, Satya greeted Hanzo warmly, but ignored McCree. McCree snorted.

“Damn, that girl sure doesn’t like me too well.”

“Maybe she would if you had not destroyed her project.” McCree clicked his tongue "Hey! I didn't completely wreck it, mind you. I was just very close to nearly-" He didn’t get a chance to complete his thought - someone clasped a hand on each of their shoulders. They turned around to see the resident assistant smiling down at them, eyes bright.

Hanzo wasn’t sure if he actually imagined McCree’s blush.

“Hello, Ana.” McCree said, actually lowering his voice for once.

“Jesse!” she exclaimed, “Finally decided to wake up before one o’clock, I see!”

McCree cleared his throat. “Ah, um, well… I got hungry.”

“I wonder why, Jack and Gabe told me you tried to only drink beer last night at their party. Apparently you were so drunk you actually left without your hat.” She said almost mournfully, “I was going to burn it before you could get that abomination back.”

McCree tugged at his hat, confused, “I didn’t, though. I had my hat with my all night long”

Hanzo silently hoped the RA would stop right there, instead she gave him a sly grin and said, “Too bad your roommate doubled back and got it for you. Jack was honestly surprised.”

McCree whipped his head around so fast Hanzo didn’t have time to look away. They stared at each other; McCree surprised, Hanzo embarrassed.

“You also went back to get my hat for me?” McCree sounded awed, breaking into a big smile.

“I did not _want_ to,” Hanzo defended pathetically, “You were whining and moaning.”

Ana sighed “I would give anything to have a roommate like you when I was an undergraduate. You are lucky, Jesse.”

McCree was still looking at Hanzo with _that smile,_ like he was seeing him for the first time. McCree just said “thank you” when Hanzo brought him back to their rooms, but bringing back _his hat_ and suddenly McCree was looking at Hanzo like he’s the Virgin Mary.

“Anyway, that’s not what I was going to talk about.” Ana cut in. “It’s going to be Thanksgiving break soon, and since this is a dorm for international students, most of them don’t have plans. So, the dorm has organized some events for students who’ve wanted to join.”

“This early?” McCree asked.

“It takes a long time to organize this stuff,” Ana crossed her arms. “The information is in the common room, be sure to check it out. Okay, you two?”

Hanzo nodded, and briskly walked away. McCree followed him after a warm goodbye to their RA.

McCree was uncharacteristically silent, and didn’t say anything until they stepped into the vacant elevator.

“Hey,” McCree said, quietly, “Thanks for returning for my hat. I know it must’ve been a hassle- Uh, I was probably worried Gabriel was going to burn it…even Ana wanted to do that too…”

“I recall you saying you would not be able to sleep without it.” Hanzo replied dryly.

“Aw, crap.” McCree took off his hat and ran his hand over his face. The tip of his ears were an adorable red. He slapped his hat back on his head and sighed “Me and my stupid mouth.”

“Do not worry, I will not tell anyone.”

McCree laughed, a deep rumbling sound. “Naw, I wasn’t worried ‘bout that. You heard it though, you must think I’m a big baby.”

“You were drunk.” Hanzo pointed out.

“Yeah…”

McCree looked like he didn’t want to continue down this line of conversation. So Hanzo asked about the RA instead.

“Yeah, I knew her. Since freshman year. Ana was in the shooting club I was in, and she was the damn best shooter I’ve ever seen. She could be a sniper if she wanted, I reckon.” McCree scratched the back of his neck. “I had a crush on her.”

The conversation was starting to drift somewhere Hanzo did not care to know, but McCree kept going on: “Not anymore though, thank god. It was embarrassing, to say the least. Everyone knew — apparently I’m very bad at hiding my crush.”

“You do not think it would be awkward to keep your friendship with her?”

“Hell no. Ana doesn’t give a crap. She has never seen me as anything other than a friend, and I sure as hell ain’t gonna lose her.”

Hanzo pressed the button for the ground floor more forcefully, as if it would speed up the elevator. Why did they have to live on the twelfth floor? Why did McCree have to talk so goddamn much?

Then he bitterly remembered he was the one who had asked about Ana.

The elevator finally reached its destination. Hanzo walked them wordlessly to his car and McCree almost tripped.

“This is your car?” McCree screeched while Hanzo waited impatiently for McCree to get into the car.

“God damn, I didn’t know you were a rich boy, Hanzo.” McCree beamed as he crawled into the car, “Or maybe I should have. This explains a few…”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Hanzo glared at the cowboy.

“Nothing.”

Hanzo started the car and drove out of the parking lot. He thought about what McCree had just revealed. _The shooting club I was in._ Why hadn’t he registered it the moment McCree had said it? He was so hung up on McCree’s crush with their RA-

Hanzo tapped the steering wheel, “You were in a shooting club?”

“Huh?” McCree turned to look at him, “Yeah, I shoot a revolver.”

Hanzo arched an eyebrow, impressed. Although only a little. Knowing how to work a gun didn’t equal to being good at it.

“Are you good at it?”

“You bet I am,” McCree gave one of his cocky smirks, putting both of his arms behind his head.

“I will have to see it to believe it.”

“Are you asking me on a date, Hanzo?”

That made Hanzo bristle, “What? No!” he yelled, a little too loudly.

“I was just joking! Geez…”

Hanzo took a deep breath, “Would you happen to know if the school has a shooting range for archery?”

“I don’t think so, only guns. Why, you do archery?”

“It is a hobby of mine.”

“Really?” McCree obviously wasn’t expecting that. “You good at it?”

“Why?” Hanzo replied slyly, “Are you asking me on a date?”

There was a brief pause before McCree burst into laughter and Hanzo had to fight to keep his face straight. _He can’t believe he actually said that…_

“You are full of surprises today, Shimada.” McCree leaned back in his seat, staring at Hanzo.

Hanzo tugged at his ponytail self-consciously. He schooled his face to remain expressionless, even if he could feel his heart pounding through his ears.

McCree in the supermarket was just as much of the average incompetent college student people would imagine. Hanzo reminded McCree the reason they decided to come here was to get healthy, proper food for him. McCree proceed to get anything but healthy and proper food. He complained like there was no tomorrow when Hanzo put back every junk food McCree threw into the cart.

When that didn’t work, McCree started to goad Hanzo with “Can I buy this?” “This is really good, can I have it?” “I’ll share if you let me buy it.”

After a few minutes of constant badgering, Hanzo just let McCree put whatever he wanted into the cart; it’s not like McCree was using his money.

Hanzo got other things he wanted: rice, bread, eggs, chicken, fish, garlic, and ginger… McCree kept shooting him doubtful looks.

“You know how to handle these?” McCree asked, looking at the ingredients among his sodas and chips and Pop-tarts.

“I know how to cook, yes.” Hanzo looked at McCree’s choices warily, “You really should choose something healthier.”

In the end, McCree did buy actual food, although he clearly bought them just to please Hanzo. McCree got taco shells, ground beef, onions, lettuces, tomatoes and avocados. Not because he particularly liked it, McCree said, and he certainly didn’t know how to make them properly like his parents, but at least he only had to cut the ingredients up.

Hanzo was almost late for his class when they got back. They shoved all their groceries into the fridge and McCree insisted on labeling them with a sharpie. Hanzo left that to McCree and hurried to class.

When he got back, McCree was gone. There was a Post-it note (Hanzo’s Post-it note) on Hanzo’s desk. The bulky, sideways writing on it said: _“I made a sandwich for when you get back! It’s in the fridge, on our shelf :) ”_

Hanzo went to the kitchen and dug out the sandwich that had “HANZO’S!!!!” written on it. It was made from the ingredients Hanzo had bought for himself, but he was touched nonetheless.

McCree came back when Hanzo was on the brink of falling asleep, which was earlier than McCree’s usual time. The other man was loud at first, slamming the door open and throwing his bag onto his desk, but quieted down when he noticed Hanzo sleeping. McCree tiptoed around the room, turning off the light Hanzo had left on for him.

Before Hanzo realized, he was already opening his mouth.

“McCree,” he mumbled quietly, “thank you.”

There was a pause before McCree replied softly, “It really should be me saying that, Hanzo.”

But Hanzo had already drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It should be obvious by now I just want to write domestic stuff
> 
> Big and special thanks to Utuki, for being the beta to this story and all kinds of helpful advise and tips! Thank you so, so much!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter involves Thanksgiving and MORE FOOD!! why do i always add food into the story

October came with a blinding chill that Hanzo was not used to. Hanamura was warm all year round and Hanzo only ever visited the colder parts of Japan for vacations, where he only had to stay out in the cold for short periods of time. The heating in the dorm was inconsistent and broke down more often than it worked.

Hanzo had been hiding away in the school gym, exercising away the cold. The familiar burning sensation of his muscles was a welcoming distraction from the chill, schoolwork, and other things. He even made several pleasant acquaintances during this time. Aleksandra Zaryanova was a frequent visitor of the weightlifting corner and sometimes, the boxing ring. Zarya was a fearsome force in the boxing ring and Hanzo has never seen more men and women bleed in his life than he did during those few weeks.

The medical student that worked at the gym was also an agreeable woman. All the people that were hurt during their attempts at challenging Zarya often came out almost recovered after receiving treatment from Angela. She had an angelic smile and polite demeanor, never overstepping personal boundaries when conversing with Hanzo. Hanzo appreciated this very much.

Zarya often helped Hanzo with his training, acting as his very strict, but very free personal trainer. Hanzo mostly trained his upper body, hoping he wouldn’t lose the needed strength for pulling bowstrings. Zarya had other hopes for him.

“I suggest you train your calf muscles.” Zarya said.

“What is wrong with my calves?” Hanzo looked down at his legs defensively.

Zarya shrugged, still eyeing his legs with a pitiful smile on her face. Hanzo decided he didn’t want to ask any questions.

Hanzo was spending so much time in the gym, that it had invoked McCree’s concern.

“Where on earth have you been disappearing to recently?” McCree caught him one night after Hanzo finished his shower.

“I have been going to the gym.” Hanzo smoothly replied. “You are not going to attend the frat party you were speaking of this morning?”

“I wanted to know where you’ve been.” McCree pouted.

_This_. This was the kind of thing Hanzo wanted to avoid. This kind of casual speech McCree made that confused Hanzo. It sounded like McCree was indirectly saying something of importance, and Hanzo was never good at deciphering double meanings that involved… personal feelings. That was Genji’s forte, and Genji also happened to be the last person Hanzo would want to trouble with his relationship problems.

McCree had decided he would spend his evening with Hanzo tonight instead of away at some party charming handsome men and beautiful women. This just meant McCree was found lying on his bed and chatting with Hanzo about everything and nothing, then falling asleep mid-story with his boots on and his red serape askew.

It has happened so many times Hanzo had made a habit of reminding McCree to take off his boots before he drifted off to sleep. Though more often than not it would be Hanzo taking off McCree’s boots and draping the serape over him.

“We need to lay down some rules,” Genji said after hearing Hanzo complain about babysitting his roommate. “You come to me when you want relationship advice from now on, and you stop lying to yourself. How’s that?”

“I am not lying to myself,” Hanzo snapped.

“Look. I get it. He’s your roommate. It’ll be awkward. Whatever. But if you _do_ want to do something about it, promise me you’ll come to me, okay?”

“There is nothing _to do_.”

Genji gave Hanzo an exasperated look that he used when Hanzo was being extra difficult.  

“Okay. Here’s another question: what are you doing during Thanksgiving break?”

Hanzo thought about it, knowing the real question was whether, or not he was going back to Japan. “I think I’ll stay here,” Hanzo replied. “The break is too short to warrant a flight back home.”

Then he had a sinking feeling, worried that Genji wanted to go back, or worried that Genji wanted to stay, but not with Hanzo, or maybe even worried that Genji would rather spend his break with someone else.

Genji beamed brightly, his canines gleaming.

“That’s what I thought too!” He said, “We should go to the party our dorm is hosting!”

Hanzo tried not to let his relief show, and he smiled.

McCree asked him the same question that night, coming back early once again. Maybe he was finally getting tired of going to parties every day.

Hanzo looked at McCree distastefully as the cowboy got a bag of chips out from under his bed and started eating.

“Is that your dinner?” Hanzo asked, scowling.

“No, _mom_ ,” McCree replied with a big grin on his face, “and that ain’t an answer to my question.”

Hanzo had long given up hope on telling McCree to stop calling him stupid nicknames, but that doesn’t mean he would ever stop glaring at McCree every time he used them.

“I’m staying here, with Genji.”

McCree didn’t respond. Hanzo could still hear the sound of him chomping on chips. McCree just kept eating without saying anything, and Hanzo would rather confess to McCree that he actually liked his hat than ask him why he bothered to ask that question.

“I was thinking,” McCree finally said, “I was thinking… of staying here too.”

Hanzo had to hold himself back from spinning around and staring. He kept his gaze on his books, but he couldn’t focus on the words, so he asked, “What?”

“Yeah, I mean, I’m definitely going back home during Christmas break. And I’ve gone back during Thanksgiving last year already.” McCree continued, “So this year I could spend the holiday here, see what it’s like.”

“I see.” Hanzo said slowly. “What will you be doing?”

“What will _you_ be doing?”

Taking a deep breath, Hanzo replied, “Genji wants to go to the dorm party.”

“Well, it’s my dorm too, so I’ll be coming too.” McCree said, and Hanzo could almost hear the grin. “Sorry, but you’re gonna be stuck with me some more.”

And McCree had no idea what that meant to Hanzo.

．．．．．

“ _What is that_?” McCree looked like he was seconds away from fainting.

“That’s the turkey, McCree. Don’t be so dramatic.” Hanzo said over the sound of Genji’s laughter, amused by McCree’s reaction.

“Why does it still have its head?” McCree looked away from the turkey. “God, I feel like it's staring at me…”

“I’m sorry.” Said a soft voice behind them. “I thought it was a nice gesture, but I wasn’t sure how to cook the turkey the way American do…”

McCree suddenly looked so guilty it made Hanzo’s stomach twist. But as Mei was looking guiltier and guiltier Hanzo couldn’t bring himself to comfort McCree over her. Even Genji stopped laughing.

“Don’t you worry about it, Mei. It is a nice gesture. I was just…uh…” McCree attempted to assure her.

“Yes, do not worry about it.” Hanzo said instead, “McCree is just being the brutish American that he is.”

That made Mei smile, and Genji started laughing again, covering up McCree’s grumble.

“I am sure everyone here will appreciate the thought, Mei.” Zenyatta said smoothly. “I already see people enjoying it.”

“Oh! Good.” Mei let out a sigh. “Well, I’ll be going. Thank you guys!” She gave a cheerful wave and left.

“That was so rude, Jesse!” Genji said, still laughing, as soon as Mei was out of earshot. “That’s how Chinese cook their birds!”

“Well, how the hell am I supposed to know?” McCree grumbled again, still looking incredibly guilty over what he had said. Hanzo knew McCree would never intentionally be rude to anyone. Teasing? Yes. Rude? Definitely not.

Hanzo gently mumbled “stop” to Genji in Japanese, and his brother looked at Hanzo with a wide smile.

“ _Brother_.” Genji fondly replied, grinning like he found the biggest secret in the world, Hanzo had looked so unbelievably happy. 

Hanzo's face grew flushed with heat, unable to make eye contact with his brother. He wiped sweaty hands on his pants and refused to satisfy Genji with any form of response. McCree gave them both a confused look, and Zenyatta watched serenely.

Coming to this party with McCree and his brother was a mistake. Now Genji was going to dissect all of his reactions to the darn cowboy. No doubt his brother was going to remind him just how deep he was from now on.

Hanzo sighed, and found himself standing next to the drinks. McCree was rummaging through the cooler for alcohol. He must have left while Hanzo was thinking.

And McCree must have pulled Hanzo with him. Hanzo stared at the hand that was still holding his.

McCree let go of his hand in favor of pulling two beers of his preferred brand out of the cooler. He handed Hanzo a bottle. Hanzo took it wordlessly, heart still racing too fast and palms still sticky from the point of contact. He forgot to say that he didn’t like beer.

“This is fun,” McCree mused quietly, obviously still upset over the encounter with Mei. His expression was grim.

“Do not worry about it, McCree. Mei is a very sensible person, she would not hold a grudge over you.”

“I know. Still feel bad though.”

“Why are you so—” Hanzo cut himself off.

“So what?”

_Nice. Caring. Considerate_. “—Infuriating.”

Hanzo gave McCree a look that dared him to keep talking. McCree held his hands up in surrender, smiling slyly.

The party sucked; most people went to the ski trip the dorm had organized. The only people who stayed were the ones who wanted to study for the upcoming tests (like Hanzo, and to most people’s surprise, Genji. His brother cared about his perfect four-point-oh as much as Hanzo, albeit for different reasons), and the others who were stuck with the friends who didn’t want to go (McCree).

Hanzo gave his beer to Genji when McCree wasn’t looking, and Genji took it without questioning. 

There was little to do but eat, drink and talk. Both McCree and Genji had assured Hanzo that this was what parties were like, but Hanzo wondered what aspect of this actually appealed to them.

Eventually someone brought out a deck of cards and started games of poker. McCree was incredibly good at bluffing, but Hanzo had the ultimate poker face. Zenyatta, surprisingly, was also hard to beat because he was always just smiling at everyone. The monk only played one round and spectated the rest, laughing and kicking out his legs when people lost. Genji was never good at poker so he played Go Fish with other people with similar tastes.

After a few rounds and a few more beers, McCree started to lose his winning streak and Hanzo took the crown for the rest. Hanzo eventually forced McCree to stop playing because he was getting extremely drunk and incredibly petty.

Hanzo led McCree to the couch and sat him down with a cup of juice (McCree didn’t want to drink water).

“I’ll sober up in no time,” McCree insisted, and Hanzo had to admit he was getting more coherent already. “This ain’t the first time I’ve ever had a drink.”

“I never said it was. I am just not in the mood of taking care of you all night. So you’ll have to either stop drinking or make sure you can walk straight by yourself.”

McCree snapped his head up to stare at Hanzo. “Are you leaving already?” he asked.

Hanzo looked at the clock hanging on the wall. It was only midnight.

“No.” Hanzo replied, “Genji still wants to stay, I’m sure.”

“But do you want to stay?” McCree asked.

Hanzo didn’t reply right away, and that made McCree stand up, looking at him with concerned eyes. He looked so serious Hanzo wondered if he was actually drunk at all. “Hanzo, do you want to stay?” McCree asked again.

Hanzo looked at Genji; he was talking to Zenyatta animatedly.

“No,” he admitted.

McCree broke into a smile.

“Hanzo,” he sighed. He was speaking in a soft voice that Hanzo only heard once before - that unforgettable night when Hanzo picked him up from the party at two in the morning.

It was neither two in the morning, nor was McCree so drunk he could barely walk, but the voice was still the same.

“ _Hanzo_ ,” McCree said. “If you don’t want to be here, we don’t have to be here.”

And he looked so earnest, with that crooked smile and raised eyebrow. Hanzo almost couldn’t look away.

He nodded.

．．．．．．

Before they left, McCree got some fried chicken, because despite McCree’s horror of Mei’s home-cooked turkey, it still got devoured within the first twenty minutes of its appearance. And in McCree’s words, you can’t have Thanksgiving without some sort of bird meat.

They left the lousy party and people’s laughter behind. They stumbled into their room, and ended up sitting on the floor between their beds. 

It would be nice to have a table, but they decided to sit facing each other. McCree said out loud that it was because they should have proper manners. Hanzo ~~.~~ told himself it wasn’t because he wanted to.

Hanzo sat their chairs together to create a makeshift table for the food. McCree went to the washroom and came back looking almost sober, with water droplets running down his cheeks. After wiping his face dry, McCree joined Hanzo on the floor.

“Since we had to settle for chicken, we should at least do the rest properly.” McCree said.

Hanzo didn’t know what McCree meant by that.

“Why don’t you say grace?” McCree said.

Hanzo gave him a confused look. “Grace.”

McCree’s eyes widened for a split second before he burst into laughter. Hanzo would be embarrassed, but he didn’t know what was so funny. 

“No, like a prayer,” McCree said, still chuckling, palm on his stomach. Then he took Hanzo's hand and rested them on the chairs between them. Hanzo felt his skin prickle from where McCree touched him, his arms numbing all the way to his shoulders.

“I’ll say it then.” McCree’s voice dropped to a murmur. He closed his eyes. Hanzo did not.

McCree spoke in a low voice. Hanzo listened but did not understand what he was saying, then he realized—McCree was praying in Spanish.

Hanzo had no idea what he was saying, but he felt it. The prayer, ghosting past Jesse’s lips, a low murmur that stayed with Hanzo for the rest of the night.

．．．．．

Hanzo didn’t speak of that night in detail when Genji asked where he had gone after the party. He wasn’t surprised when Genji heard about it from McCree, but he was surprised when Genji didn’t press him on the matter.

After Thanksgiving break, Hanzo buried himself in his studies. Midterms were approaching and some professors decided they wanted to have tests early, so Hanzo mostly spent his free period in the library. Sometimes Genji joined him, sometimes with Zenyatta, but mostly he studied alone.

Besides that, Hanzo had made study plans weeks before midterm season, and following that plan made him unaware of what was going on around him.

Hanzo wasn’t actively ignoring McCree, for he had always taken grades very seriously. He didn’t notice anything was wrong about McCree until one night he came back to their room after finishing his IBM test and his revisions for the day. He found McCree sitting on his bed, looking like someone had just insulted his favorite western movie (which has happened before, Hanzo was there to break up the ensuing fight.)

“McCree?” Hanzo approached cautiously.

McCree turned to look at him. His eyes were unfocused, and he didn’t say anything. His lips were pressed together tightly, and he just looked exhausted.

“Are you okay?” Hanzo tried again.

“No.” His roommate replied angrily. “Fuck.”

Hanzo wasn’t sure what to make of this. He was rooted to the ground, quickly realizing that it was probably more serious than he thought.

Hanzo walked slowly to McCree and sat on the edge of the bed. Hanzo had never done this before; he wasn’t sure if McCree was the kind that disliked people near their beds. McCree said nothing.

“What is the matter?” Hanzo asked.

McCree rubbed his face. He wasn’t wearing his hat or his boots, just a hoodie and sweatpants, with feet clad in woolen socks. This was the same outfit he wore yesterday, and it was obvious he hadn’t bothered to bathe at all. The small clock on his desk told him it was already almost midnight. 

McCree swayed on his spot a bit, like he wanted to lean on Hanzo or lie down, and mumbled: “Got a test result back.”

McCree didn’t continue, and Hanzo didn’t push him.

After a while, McCree spoke again. “I should’ve known spending all my time partying would come back an’ bite me in the ass.” He laughed.

“Well… was it an important test?” Hanzo ventured to ask.

“Not the test itself, but overall…” McCree sighed. “It’s not really important anymore. Ain’t like I can do anything about it.”

Despite saying that, McCree still looked dejected, and at that moment Hanzo wished he knew how to comfort people better.

Saying reassuring words wasn’t something he would do. It always ended up too awkward or too cliché, and he definitely wasn’t the hugging type. 

Hanzo tugged at McCree’s sweater gently, making the other man turn towards him.

“Have you eaten yet?” Hanzo questioned.

McCree shook his head.

“All right,” Hanzo said, “Go take a shower, and I’ll make you some dinner.”

McCree stared at him, and broke into a smile.

“Hanzo,” he kept smiling, “only you would tell me to take a shower after that.” He said fondly.

Hanzo did not reply to that. He stood up, and McCree followed suit.

“Go,” Hanzo said, and McCree went.

While McCree showered, Hanzo went to the kitchen. There was a girl there, heating milk on the stove. She sat at the table, eyes closed, dark rims and heavy bags under her eyes. A student pulling an all-nighter.

The dish Hanzo planned to make was something he had often during his travels with his family—a plain broth soup, really, but he remembered the cold nights (much like tonight.)

When he was fifteen, he would huddle with Genji in the small shop that lacked any form of heating while their parents went shopping somewhere that both of them didn’t care for. He chose that specific shop because it was the only one with pictures, and he had picked the soup because he recognized only some of the Kanji. It was made with pork broth and five kinds of vegetables. Genji had protested loudly when the order came, but any complaints ceased when he took the first sip.

When they went back to Japan, Genji had asked their cook to make it for them. It turned out more like Raman broth than anything.

That’s when Hanzo started cooking. The memory of a cold night in a little shop, his brother admitting he was having a good time with Hanzo—for a thirteen-year-old that threw tantrums almost every day to say that, Hanzo cherished it.

It was the same thing that he made for Genji when he fought with their parents, or when he came home in the early morning, hungover, or even when he bombed a test. It was the same thing Hanzo made for Genji when he said one morning, that he wanted to fix things between them.

It was a plain thing, really, but Hanzo believed it thoroughly warmed one’s body. He had only ever made it for Genji, and McCree might not even like it anyway.

The only thing he had handy was a can of pork broth. It wouldn’t taste like the actual hand-made broth, but it’ll have to do. Hanzo poured it in a pot and turned on the stove. He got out the vegetables and sat them on the counter. The girl’s milk was starting to boil, and her eyes were still closed. Hanzo paid them both no mind, and went back to his room.

McCree was sitting cross-legged on his bed—Hanzo’s bed— and looked at him when he entered. His face was still tired. The well-loved serape draped over his broad shoulders.

“Where’d you go?” asked McCree.

“To prepare some food.” Hanzo replied, not mentioning the bed, and jerked his head for McCree to follow.

They went to the kitchen together. The air was burning sweet, the pot of milk was ruined. The girl was now sleeping at the table with her head nestled in her arms, completely unaware. Hanzo turned the stove off and made no move to wake the girl up. McCree walked groggily to her and gently prodded her awake. He asked her if she would want a new pot of milk, and that he could make it for her if she’s too tired.

The sweetness in the air lingered accompanied with the faint scent of burning. McCree’s actions made Hanzo’s skin burn and his heart beat wildly against his chest. He was still a gentleman even when upset. This man was driving him crazy.

The girl declined, washed the pot, and left with a tired “thank you” which got an equally tired response from McCree.

Now the kitchen was left with no one but them. Hanzo prepared the soup quietly while McCree observed tiredly

Hanzo wished he had decided to make something more complicated—there was nothing more to do after throwing the ingredients and condiments into the broth to cook—he was forced to turn and face McCree.

Hanzo met McCree’s dark eyes and noticed his red cheeks from the hot shower. He felt his own hot cheeks, probably from the cold… and something else.

When the soup was done, McCree looked at it, then looked at Hanzo, didn’t say anything, but Hanzo know he was thinking the same thing as thirteen-year-old Genji was. Hanzo rolled his eyes.

McCree sipped at the soup. He ate all the broccoli and potatoes. He asked for a second, a third, and a fourth. Soon there was only a little left and McCree was too full to even stand up straight, but he washed the dishes while Hanzo finished off the rest.

Afterwards, when they were lying in their own beds. Hanzo stared at the wooden ceiling, listening to McCree’s breathing, aware that the other man wasn’t asleep yet. McCree wasn’t snoring, and Hanzo wondering if he should say something.

In the end, McCree whispered into the dark, “Ya know, Hanzo, Ana was right. I am lucky to have you as my roommate.”

McCree’s words were clouded with sleep. Hanzo heard sounds coming from the other side of the room. He silently listened to McCree yawning loudly, McCree rustling in his bed, McCree asking if he was still awake.

Hanzo didn’t respond. He kept his breathing level. His ears strained for more.

McCree eventually chuckled and sighed. And then, maybe as an afterthought, maybe because he thought Hanzo was sleeping, said, “G’night, Darlin’.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Jesse told Hanzo he was going to stay, there were notes on my Word Doc that said "Hanzo is so glad the people he love would be spending the break with him, which he thought he would be spending alone. Hanzo wanted to hug Jesse at this moment so much. "
> 
> Thank you to Utuki, for taking the time out of your day and beta the story, thank you!


	4. Chapter 4

Hanzo took Jesse’s matters into his own hands, and Jesse didn’t know how to feel about it yet.

The morning after receiving his awful exam result, snoozing in a pleasant haze of a good night's sleep and full stomach, Jesse was woken up in the most unpleasant way.

The blanket covering him suddenly vanished, and cold air sprung upon his unsuspecting body. It sure was unpleasant, but Jesse would have survived it only if Hanzo hadn’t torn his socks off of his feet. Jesse sprung up with a shout, wiggling his toes.

“Get up,” Hanzo threw the socks back at Jesse. “You have work to do.”

“I do?” Jesse questioned blearily, slowly pulling his socks back on.

“It is not too late to study for your remaining tests.” Hanzo tugged at Jesse’s arm. “Come to the library with me today.”

Jesse groaned, “On a Saturday?”

“Yes, on a Saturday, especially”

Jesse pondered between the pros and cons of his warm bed, his GPA, and then his sister’s face if he screwed up any more than he already did.

Jesse got up with a string of curses.

The library was one of the places on campus that Jesse almost never bothered to go to. Jesse had set foot in the library no more than five times in his two years of being here, and one of them was only because he needed to use the bathroom.

He had hoped there would be no free tables left for them – the library during exam week was a nightmare, and they had left a little later than Hanzo had intended to because Jesse insisted on a full breakfast. 

But Hanzo led them to a corner table with two spare seats. Satya and _Lúcio_ occupied the other two.

“Fancy seeing you here, Lúcio,” Jesse greeted cheerfully and loudly, earning him a shush from both Hanzo and Satya.

“Literal devil here wants me to lose another ten years of my life by being in this place.” Lúcio replied grimly, gesturing to Satya. He leaned across the table to whisper, “It’s so quiet here.”

Satya didn’t seem affected by Lúcio’s words. “You have your music to keep you company just fine,” she said. She turned to greet Hanzo warmly.

“I had asked Satya to save us both a seat,” Hanzo explained to Jesse. “So your plan of getting out of this by eating an hour long breakfast has failed, it seems.”

“You just think yourself so smart, don’t ya?” Jesse whispered back, offended.

Getting himself to focus was a hard task. Jesse simply wasn’t in the mood, and watching Hanzo and Satya pour over their books with such intense looks on their faces was far more entertaining than his own textbook.

That didn’t last long. Hanzo snapped his head up only after five minutes and shot a glare at him.

“Do you want a repeat of last night?” Hanzo said. Even with Hanzo’s voice in low volume, it felt like he was already yelling at him. Jesse’s spirits immediately lowered.

“Alright, alright!” Jesse grumbled.

It was hard. Jesse couldn’t stop fidgeting. He wasn’t used to studying in the library, where the only noise was pen scraping on papers, page turning, and the rhythmical tapping of people typing on keyboards.

Satya noticed this and offered Jesse her iPod and earphones. Her music consisted of all kinds of tunes (some of which were from Lúcio) for him to choose from. Jesse gave her a look of surprise.

“Your restlessness is bothersome.” She said, looking away. Jesse grinned, knowing it was because Satya was way nicer than she would ever admit.  

The next day, Jesse assumed they would be going back to the library, but Hanzo said he could study in their room if Jesse wanted.

“It was obvious the library was not a good choice for you,” Hanzo simply stated. And here Jesse thought Hanzo didn’t even care to notice. “Just remember to rest in between study sessions, okay? Pouring energy drinks into your coffee won’t help.”

“Aw, but it’s the stimulation of the energy drink and the lasting effects of coffee that makes it work!”

“That is not true and it’s one of the dumbest things I have ever heard from you,” Hanzo shot Jesse down.

But Hanzo did help – even if he wasn’t there. There was something more now than just getting his ass handed to him by his sister when he goes back home. Hanzo wanted him to do better, so Jesse had to try.

He still gets distracted. After all, it has been a long time since Jesse sat down to study seriously. His mind wandered more than he liked.

Hanzo woke up to Jesse chuckling at 3 a.m.

“What in the world are you doing?” Hanzo groaned from his bed, voice hoarse from sleep.

“Watching these babies eat lemons,” Jesse laughed loudly, now that Hanzo was awake. “Oh my lord, you gotta come and see this – ”

Hanzo did come, but instead of watching the video with Jesse, he grabbed the phone from his roommate’s hand and pinched his cheek lightly.

“I’m taking this,” Hanzo declared, and promptly tucked the phone under his pillow. He went back to sleep.

Jesse rubbed his cheek and return to glare at his notes.

When midterms finally ended for Jesse, he felt a little more confident about his grades. With Hanzo’s (and Satya’s, despite saying she wasn’t going to assist) help, his essay was handed over with little to no grammatical errors, and he also didn’t blank out during exams. All in all, Jesse could say he was pretty proud of himself.

Proud, and grateful. Which is why he was standing on his bed, holding a Nerf gun (courtesy of Lena), shooting the suction darts (with paper-cut snowflakes tied to them) at the ceiling of their room.

Hanzo didn’t even ask anything when he came back to their room and saw Jesse trying to get the darts to stick to the ceiling.

“Well, aren’t you going to ask what I’m doing?” Jesse asked finally, when he couldn’t stand the silence any longer.

“I am more inclined to ask you _why_ ,” Hanzo answered, exasperatedly.

“That’s even better!” Jesse exclaimed, abandoning his task in favor of indulging Hanzo in his question. He jumped down from his bed and strutted to Hanzo.

“It’s for you!” Jesse said, gesturing to the three paper snowflakes he managed to get stuck onto the ceiling.

“For me?” Hanzo sounded confused.

“Yeah! You said Hanamura doesn’t get any snow during Christmas, right?” Jesse explained. “So I thought, before you leave, you ought to have a white Christmas!”

Hanzo stared at Jesse, eyes wide. He frowned and looked at the snowflakes hanging from the ceiling, then to the ones in Jesse’s hands. He looked back to Jesse and – by god –his mouth twitched upwards and he started to laugh.

“ _What_?” Hanzo giggled, incredulous. “Wha – really?”

“Ye-yeah! For real!” Jesse couldn’t help but laugh along as well. Hanzo’s ears were flushed red, and his shoulders shook with mirth. Jesse, breathless, grinned until his cheeks hurt.

After that Jesse got back to the grueling work of shooting snowflakes up at the ceiling, and Hanzo watched while he packed his luggage in preparation for returning home. His project took longer and way more effort than Jesse had expected in the first place, but he got it done.

By “done”, it meant there were ten dingy paper-cut snowflakes, dangling sadly from their shared ceiling.

“Dang, that didn’t work out like I thought it would.” Jesse mused, collapsed on his bed and staring up at a particular snowflake that was probably about to fall in the next five seconds.

Hanzo coughed, “I like it.”

Jesse quickly glanced over and shamelessly beamed at him.

“Well, why don’t you keep this one.” Jesse grabbed a snowflake from his desk, “I made too many.”

Jesse thought Hanzo would refuse. It was a piece of paper, for crying out loud, but Hanzo accepted it and tucked it neatly into one of his books.

It was the end of the semester.

And after that, goodbyes were said.

 

．．．．．

 

Jesse could safely say that he had missed home, his family, and even the bland homemade dishes sent by his aunt during holidays. He even missed the family’s asshole cat. 

It was good to be home, even though there was a heavy feeling in his stomach. That uneasiness was soon forgotten when his older sister smacked him over the head as soon she laid eyes on him, knocking over his hat.

Jacqueline then took his suitcase for him and gave him a strong noogie.

“I heard you screwed up on a test,” Jacqueline scolded, “I told you to stop partying so much.”

“Stop it, Jacqueline.” Jimena said, with the attitude of being the eldest child and years of scolding her younger siblings. “You know mama doesn’t care about that stuff.”

Jimena hugged Jesse tightly, and pecked both his cheeks.

“I’ve missed you, Jesse.” His eldest sister fondly said, eyes bright.

“I’ve missed you too, sis.” Jesse grinned back, rubbing his eyes.

As his sisters drove them back home, they passed by his high school girlfriend on the side of the road, looking as stylish as always.

“Howdy, Wren!” Jesse poked his head out the car window and shouted. Wren replied with a flip of her middle finger, not even looking up from her phone.

“Well, fuck you too!” Jesse yelled back. He raised his voice as the car drove further away. “And take off your sunglasses, the sun’s not even out, for fuck's sake!”

“Jesse!” Jimena scolded. “Language!”

“Yeah, and she can’t even hear you anymore, loser.” Jacqueline said.

Jesse shut the window and kicked the front seat where Jacqueline was sitting. She cackled. “Damn, I missed you guys,” Jesse laughed.

When they finally pulled up to the familiar graveled driveway, Jesse was honestly surprised that after all the years spent in their little house with hideous faded green paint and purple door, the rumble of car driving pass gravel still managed make him homesick even though his home was just at the end of the road.

Jesse toed at the dead plants beside the front door after getting out of the car, chuckling at his mother’s inability to take care of her herbs.

Jesse puts his hand on the doorknob, suddenly nervous.

Jimena opened the door for him and called for their mother. There was a thump, then heavy footsteps followed by the jingling of bells came from upstairs.

Jesse was greeted with a crushing hug from his mother and a nasty bite from the cat, both of which Jesse gladly accepted with a smile.

“Benitobenzinbumblelini!” Jesse cried and hugged the cat tightly, earning crazy meowing and a bite to his arm.

“Aw, never gave up on the biting huh, you little rascal?” Jesse cooed.

“Jesse, please stop calling Benny that.” His mother sighed as the cat bit Jesse again.

Jesse’s mother shooed the cat away and hugged him again, repeating “I missed you” over and over into his ear. Jesse awkwardly opened and closed his mouth a few times, suddenly unsure of how to openly convey feelings of having missed home.

“I missed you too.” Jesse quickly mumbled, knowing it was not really clear enough for his mom to hear.

Later that night, when his sisters went to bed and his mother wished him goodnight, Jesse finally blurted out an embarrassed “I missed you too”, and ran back to his room.

 

．．．．．

 

Jesse woke up the next morning and instinctively turned his head to the left. It kinda shook him when he realized Hanzo wasn’t there. Instead, the bright sky of his home greeted him.

Somehow, that made Jesse feel weird. The heavy feeling returned.

The first few days back in New Mexico were spent meeting up with old friends, visiting families, eating familiar foods. It all went by in a blur of waking up and going out and talking and eating. Before Jesse realized it, he was looking at his phone and saw that five days had passed.

“This feels too unnatural. I feel too productive,” Jesse said to Jacqueline one day when she was trying to make soup (emphasis on ‘trying’).

“Ooh, poor you, can’t drink yourself to next week back home, can you?” Jacqueline teased, stirring something Jesse didn’t even know they had into the soup.

“I said nothing about drinking,” Jesse grumbled back defensively. “And what the _hell_ are you doing to the onions? You’re supposed to sauté them first!”

Jacqueline paused her action of throwing an uncut onion into the pot and turned to stare at Jesse suspiciously.

“How the fuck do you know that?” she asked.

Jesse grumbled something under his breath and shuffled out of the kitchen before his sister could ask him anything else.

The heavy feeling was back and gnawing at him again. By now Jesse had already figured out what exactly it was. He missed Hanzo.

It was a complete shock to Jesse. He didn’t think – well, he had thought –

God, Jesse didn’t know.

Their goodbye had been so casual, so nonchalant. It was like Hanzo was going to class and not on a plane back to Japan. Didn’t even look back at Jesse as he got into Genji’s (stupidly expensive) sports car.

Jesse had tried not to take it too personally. He also had tried to act like he didn’t care too much, so he didn’t even look at Genji’s car as they drove off.

The whole exchange just didn’t feel like the kind between two people that would miss each other during holidays. And Hanzo probably didn’t miss Jesse anyway, which is why it was so hard to pick up his phone and text Hanzo (Does he even have Hanzo’s phone number? Jesse never had to use it. Hanzo was always just there when Jesse looked for him.)

His moping ended soon as he sneaked a beer into his room that night and got up the courage to finally call Hanzo. The dialing sound made his heart beat faster with each beat. God, he was nervous, what if Hanzo thought it was abrupt of Jesse to do so? And what if –

“ _The customer you are trying to contact is temporarily out of service. If you wish…_ ”

– And what if Hanzo wasn’t even in the United States right now to answer his phone, God fuckin’ dammit.

 

．．．．．

 

So after Jesse pulled some strings to get Hanzo’s email (which was just texting Lúcio asking for Satya’s number and texting her to ask for Hanzo’s email), he finally had a way to contact Hanzo. By this time the nervousness was all gone, replaced by irritation and relief.

He couldn’t believe he’s sending an email to a friend in this day and age, and he also said so in his email: “ _I can’t believe I have to email you Hanzo, do you have any idea how long I’ve been trying to find you?_ ”

Jesse clicked send.

The reply was almost instantaneous, a simple “ _Who is this._ ” Jesse could sense the thorns behind the words all the way across the world.

“ _Miss me, Hanzo?_ ” Was what Jesse originally typed but deleted.

“ _Hiya, Hanzo._ ” Was too weird, no one actually typed ‘Hiya’ out.

“ _Darling_ ” Sounded too intimate in text.

“ _It’s McCree._ ” Lame and boring, but ultimately what Jesse chooses to go with.

Hanzo didn’t reply until five minutes later. Jesse jumped as his phone rang. He left his room so it didn’t seem too desperate of him that he was waiting for Hanzo’s reply.

Jesse got a glass of water and allowed himself to finally open the email.

“ _How did you get my email?_ ”

Letting out a puff of breath through his nose, Jesse realized he didn’t know what he was expecting. A heartwarming greeting?

“ _I have my ways. Who uses emails now?_ ”

Hanzo’s reply this time was quick.

“ _Most people in Japan use email to communicate._ ”

Well, now Jesse felt like a jackass. Luckily he was an expert at avoiding uncomfortable situations.

 _“I got your email from Satya, wanted to ask you if we need mini fridge in our room._ ” Score, flawless save. Jesse patted himself on the back and glanced behind him to make sure his family didn’t just see him patting himself on the back.

The next reply from Hanzo took another five minutes and it was just a simple “ _What._ ” Jesse laughed fondly at the realization that Hanzo typed like he talked.

His holiday was looking brighter now.

 

．．．．．

 

Jesse got another email when he woke up the next day. He opened it giddy with the expectation that it was Hanzo responding to the joke he had sent last night before he fell asleep. He was surprised (and maybe a little disappointed) to see it was from Genji.

Apparently Genji noticed Hanzo was spending an unnatural amount of time (for Hanzo) looking at his phone, and was demanding to know who his brother was talking to. When Hanzo refused, Genji borrowed Hanzo’s phone from his room when Hanzo was called away by their parents.

“So,” Jesse said, and admittedly felt good hearing from his friend again (also because Genji was paying for the ridiculously expensive oversea phone call.) “In other words, you stole his phone.”

“Ehhhhh…” Jesse swore he could hear Genji’s shrug. “I mean, I didn’t leave his room with the phone, so…”

Jesse laughed, “I like the way you think.” He was going to borrow that excuse in the future when he gets caught snooping through his sister’s stuff. It definitely wouldn’t get him out of trouble, but at least he’ll have something witty to say. 

There were sounds of ruffling coming from Genji’s end, like he was trying to open something, “Ugh, stupid window.” Genji huffed.

Genji must have succeeded in opening the window, because Jesse heard sounds of the latch creaking open, and then crashing sounds of heavy rain.

“Woah!” Jesse pulled his phone away from his ear, the sound of rain still coming through strong. He cautiously listened again. Genji was saying something, but his voice was muffled by the rain.

“I can’t hear you, Genji,” Jesse half yelled. Genji resumed talking, but his voice was getting clearer, like he's moving away from the rain.

“How’s this?”

“Yeah,” Jesse let out a breath, now that his ear wasn’t assaulted by the most awful sound he has ever heard. “What the hell was that? Is it raining over there?”

“Yeah, Hanamura gets about a week of winter rain every year.” Genji said, and Jesse could still hear the rain droning in the background.

“That sounds horrible,” Jesse licked his chapped lips, thinking that for all the downs of the dry weather of his home he would prefer it over rain any day.

“It’s not so bad. I mean, you can’t go out without drowning, but I’m used to it,” Genji started moving again. Jesse could hear the sound of rain getting louder. “Wait a second, let me show you something.” Then he hung up.

Not fifteen seconds has passed before Jesse’s phone started ringing again. This time someone was calling him on Skype. Jesse answered, baffled, “You had my Skype all this time? Why did you pay money to call me then?”

“Oh. I don’t know? I didn’t really think about it,” Jesse couldn’t believe how breezily Genji was taking that unnecessary expensive phone call, but was distracted by Genji’s next words. “Look at what Hanzo is doing!”

Genji turned on his camera and Jesse looked at his phone just in time to see Genji pointing his phone across a glamourous yard. Its intended beauty shined through the rain that dulled the sight.

At first Jesse didn’t see Hanzo. The heavy rain made everything a blurry gray, but Genji pointed helpfully towards a compound. Jesse squinted his eyes and finally located a lone figure.

Hanzo sat with both his legs tucked beneath him. His hair was untied and draped over his shoulders. There were a cluster of something around him. Jesse struggled to make out what they were.

He saw movement, and a small head poked out and jumped onto Hanzo’s shoulder, almost slipping off. Hanzo’s hand reached out to steady it. His hand lingered, stroking it.

“Are those cats?” Jesse asked, surprised. His face warmed with happiness and pure delight.

Hanzo tilted his head toward the kitten, nuzzling it briefly. The kitten leaned into Hanzo’s cheeks, and Hanzo laughed. Though Jesse couldn’t hear it through the rain. Even if he could, Jesse probably wouldn’t notice as he stared at Hanzo’s blurry smile, transfixed.

“Kittens, to be exact.” Genji said, ducking behind a wall. Hanzo disappeared from view, and Jesse craned his neck, as though he could look past the wall and see Hanzo from his room. 

“Why’d you leave?” Jesse all but whined.

Genji paused, then laughed out of nowhere. The camera shook and pointed downwards, like Genji was bending over. Jesse heard some muffled Japanese over rain and laughter.

“What? _What?_ ” Jesse asked, panicked, fearing that he had said something ludicrous.

“Nothing, _nothing_.” Genji mimicked Jesse’s tone. “God… dummies.”

“How can you expect me to not ask questions after that?” Jesse questioned.

Genji pointed the camera back at Hanzo, and Jesse was instantly distracted.

“You can’t see anything from here!” Jesse exclaimed. “Go over there!”

“I can’t! I’m allergic to cats, so that’s why Hanzo takes care of them mostly,” Genji said, but crept closer anyway. He stopped at the gate and opened up an umbrella.

“Hanzo takes care of them?” Jesse repeated.

“Yeah, there are tons of stray cats that wander into our garden and sleep on the rocks. And when it rains they all hide in our bell house. Hanzo and I bring them food and blankets sometimes. This year I guess some of them decide to get busy and had a litter.” Genji explained as he walked over.

“That’s adorable,” Jesse laughed, falling on his bed, an arm covering his eyes as he smiled wide. Unbelievable.

“Yeah, and I’m going over, right now.” Genji’s voice harden. “Remember, I’m only doing this for you. If my eyes get even a little bit teary you’re on my hit list.”

“Please, I’m always on your list,” Jesse teased.

Genji turned the camera to himself, scrunched up his nose, and stuck his tongue out at Jesse. Jesse also stuck out his tongue, though he was smiling wide, the tip of his tongue barely poking out between his teeth.

Genji huffed and laughed, “Okay. I have to end the call now. Hanzo would freak out if he knew that I’m filming him.”

“What? You can’t just leave it here! I want to see the kitties!” _Kitties climbing all over Hanzo_ , but Jesse kept his mouth shut.

“I’ll send you pictures!” Genji reassured, then ended the call on him abruptly again.

Jesse stared at his phone, wondering how long he’ll have to wait.

A long time, apparently. Jesse fell asleep waiting, cradling his phone against his chest.

 

．．．．．

 

Several emails greeted him when Jesse woke up. He opened them while he was having a late breakfast. The first one was from Genji, saying he couldn’t send the pictures right away because he didn’t want Hanzo to find out. The second email was from Hanzo, saying he did find out what Genji was up to anyway. The third was from Hanzo again.

“ _If you want pictures of the cats, ask me. I can give you far better information on them than Genji could._ ”

Jesse smiled around the spoon in his mouth. He snapped a picture of the sleeping family cat on the table and sent it to Hanzo. Then he opened the pictures Genji sent him.

After going through the pictures, Jesse had to pause and take two things in. One: When Genji said ‘Bell house’, it was literally a house with an enormous bell in it (Jesse was starting to get an idea of how rich the Shimada family actually was). Two: Hanzo was the kind to kiss a kitten on its nose.

He was more focused on the latter point than he would like to admit.

His phone buzzed. Another email from Genji. Another picture.

It was Hanzo with a kitten on his shoulder, one in his lap. Another one in his arms, getting fed by Hanzo from a small bottle. Hanzo’s eyes were downcast, head tilted, smiling

“ _Pretty cute, huh_?” Genji had written.

“Holy shit,” Jesse murmured, the kittens long forgotten.

“He’s pretty cute,” a voice said behind him. Jesse yelped, almost dropping his phone in his cereal.

“What the fuck!?” Jesse exclaimed, hurriedly shutting his screen off. He turned to glare at Jacqueline.

Jacqueline arched an eyebrow at him. “Who’s that?”

“My roommate,” Jesse said defensively. “What?”

“Nothing,” Jacqueline shrugged. “Why are you acting so weird? It’s only a question.”

“I ain’t acting weird,” Jesse said, picking up his half eaten cereal and throwing it away.

“You’re throwing food away and you’re saying that’s not you acting weird? Come on little brother,” Jacqueline blocked his path of escape. “You’re hiding something.”

“No, I ain’t!” Jesse tried prying his sister’s arm away from the door frame, but his sister was one of the strongest people Jesse knew. Not a minute had passed and Jesse was already panting.

“Jesse, stop. You get out of breath just walking up the stairs to your room.” Jacqueline said, putting a palm against his forehead and pushing him back into the kitchen effortlessly.

“That was uncalled for,” Jesse spat.

“What was uncalled for?” his mother came into the kitchen.

“I was just asking about Jesse’s roommate, mama,” Jacqueline said innocently.

His mother beamed, directing her smile toward Jesse. “I would like to know more about your roommate too, sweetheart.” Then his mother sat down, which meant Jesse had to sit back down as well.

Beside mama, Jacqueline grinned wolfishly. She turns to the door and yelled, “Jimena! Come here!”

Jesse glared at his older sister as Jimena walked in. Jacqueline patted the seat beside her and Jimena sat down as well.

“What is it?” Jimena asked softly.

“Jesse was just going to tell us about his roommate,” Mama said. Jesse groaned and slouched further in his seat.

His family looked at him pointedly, waiting.

Jesse cleared his throat, “Um, well.” He thought about what to say, “His name is Hanzo, and uh, he’s from Japan.”

“How nice,” Jimena said, sincerely. “And…what else?”

“He’s also really handsome,” Jacqueline quickly added, leaning back in her chair.

“Is he now?” Mama glanced at Jesse. “Are you fond of him, Jesse?”

“No!” Jesse yelled. “I mean, yeah, I like him. He’s one of my best friends, actually. But I don’t like him like that.”

“See? So defensive,” Jacqueline said. “Fishy.”

“Stop it, Jacqueline,” Jimena scolded, bless her.

“I knew you were my favorite sister for a reason,” Jesse winked at Jimena.

“You know Jesse can’t hide any crushes. We would have known by now,” Jimena continued, looking at Jesse guiltily, as if to say _“Sorry, but it’s the truth.”_

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Jesse groaned. “And I’m taking that back. From now on I don’t have a favorite sister.”

“So isn’t there anyone you like, Jesse?” Mama asked, patting his arm. It felt awkward, but it was his mother trying. “I saw Wren last week. She brought her boyfriend home for Christmas. ”

“Good for her,” Jesse said stiffly.

“There isn’t anyone? No boys you like? Girls?” Mama pressed.

Jesse thought about it. There was Ana, but his family already knew he didn’t feel anything for her anymore. He went through new people he met this year, and none of them stuck out.

“No, mama. There isn’t anyone,” Jesse replied softly.

Mama looked away, and Jesse wondered if she was thinking he was hiding his life from her again, like he did when he had his first crush on Al. Mama found out only when Jacqueline called her from work one night, coming home to a sobbing Jesse after a nasty breakup. Mama blamed herself for working too much and not seeing it coming, even though it was Jesse who deliberately hid it from her.

Jesse couldn’t even remember why he did it. It was perhaps out of loneliness, or the spite that originated from the loneliness. Mama was working every day until midnight, trying to support her three kids on her own. But Jesse didn’t know. Well, he knew, but didn’t care. Because at that time all he knew was she wasn’t around much.

Jesse’s petty attitude before put a strain on his and his mother’s relationship. Mama always thought she wasn’t doing a good enough job as a mother, and Jesse always thought she was too good for him.

“But, back to Hanzo,” Jesse said, changing the subject and catching his mother’s eyes. Jesse smiled at her.

Mama listened, nodded, smiled, and laughed. She didn’t interrupt his stories with intrusive parenting (“Why didn’t take care of yourself, Jesse?”), and Jesse didn’t snap at her for asking him to repeat himself (“I _already_ told you, ma.”).

When Jesse finished his last story (it was the time Hanzo comforted him after he screwed up his test), mama was looking at him softly. She reached out and held his hand. This time it felt natural, and Jesse let her hold on.

“You should take care of yourself, Jesse,” Mama said. Jesse rolled his eyes in his head. Parenting him was her job, he reminded himself. “If not for yourself and not for me, do it for someone out there that cares about you. Because you may mean the world to them.”

Her hand squeezed his, and Jesse wondered what made her say that.

 

．．．．．

 

Benny sniffed Jesse’s laptop screen while a kitten in Hanzo’s lap meowed back at them. One of the kitten’s sisters came wobbling on screen and pushed her brother off of Hanzo’s lap. The kittens soon broke into a fight, rolling all over each other as adorable balls of fluff.

“Aw, they’re fighting over you, Hanzo,” Jesse cooed at the kittens as Benny decided he wanted to lay across Jesse’s keyboard, sending a series of random words to Hanzo.

“Hardly, it’s only for the warmth,” Hanzo said, scooping both kitten up in each hand and letting them fight next to him.

The raining had stopped in Hanamura, but the kittens stayed in the blankets the brothers provided. Their mother mostly slept as Hanzo took care of her children.

“I think they see you as their ma now, Han,” Jesse pushed Benny off of his laptop, earning himself a hearty bite. “You should name them.”

“And get attached right when the holiday are coming to an end?” Hanzo rubbed a finger between a kitten’s eyes. The small tabby stopped her action almost instantly and purred.

“Pretty sure you’re already attached,” Jesse watched as Hanzo petted the kittens restlessly, his eyes and smile growing soft as the kittens squirmed even more.

Jesse was spending almost all of his time with Hanzo now. Despite the time differences, Jesse always found the time to give Hanzo a call. If that couldn’t be done, then at least they would message, email, or send pictures. They were talking to each other so much that Jesse’s family had seen Hanzo a good dozen times already because Jesse took his laptop everywhere in the house while Skyping .

Jesse didn’t mind letting his mother and Jimena talks to Hanzo, besides the somewhat awkward introduction between mama and Hanzo (“Please, call me Ms. McCree.” Jesse got yelled at by Hanzo for a good ten minutes for not warning him.) His family got along with Hanzo ridiculously well. Mama and Jimena couldn’t praise him enough, and that was just from the few minutes of video calls each day.

Jacqueline was the only one that Jesse actively tried to avoid. She was always more than happy to tease Jesse in front of Hanzo. After the one time Jacqueline ambushed their call with Jesse’s naked baby pictures, Jesse had decided to keep her as far away from Hanzo as possible.

Mostly however, all Hanzo and Jesse really did was talk – like they did back in the dorms. It was a comfortable feeling that Jesse welcomed. It replaced that heavy weight that had settled in the back of his mind ever since he returned home. It was soothing to see all of the things Hanzo did that had grown on Jesse again. The way Hanzo sneezed after a series of coughs, or how Hanzo passive aggressively asks if Jesse was eating properly, or even the look Hanzo gave Jesse whenever he told Hanzo a really bad joke.

Besides Hanzo, Genji frequently sent Jesse messages as well. After the call showing Hanzo taking care of the kittens, Genji seemed to make it his mission to embarrass Hanzo any way he could by sending endless pictures and stories of Hanzo. Jesse had to admit he learned a lot of things he would have never learned from Hanzo himself. It seemed like Genji was Hanzo’s version of Jacqueline, yet another annoying sibling that was keen on embarrassing their brother, though Hanzo didn’t have the heart to tell his brother to stop.

But of course Jesse couldn’t lie to himself and say he didn’t enjoy what Genji showed him. Jesse’s favorites were the pictures Genji took of Hanzo when the older Shimada practiced archery in the family dojo.

Genji took the picture from sitting behind Hanzo, and from that angle Hanzo looked a lot taller than he actually was. His hair was tied in a high pony tail and he was wearing a white _kyudo-gi_ and a black _hakama_. He held a bow with a length that surpassed Hanzo’s height, the long curve looking ever so elegant in Hanzo’s hands. The archer raised his bow above his head, readying his draw. His eyes were focused on the target, completely unaware of Genji snapping picture after picture behind him.

The next picture was the release. Genji caught the moment the arrow flew through the air, a blurry line heading straight towards its target.

The last picture was Hanzo turning and noticing the phone in Genji’s hands. His eyes were widened and he was saying something.  

Behind him Jesse could see the arrow had hit the bullseye dead on.

 

．．．．．

 

Jesse was never really excited to get back to college. He was relieved that returning meant the several weeks with his loud family and lack of personal space came to an end, but he was never really excited about it.

His mother and Jimena dropped Jacqueline and him off at the airport, kissing them on the cheeks and saying goodbye. Besides the relief and the sadness of leaving, there was also a small foreign part of him that felt excitement, making his heart pound a little faster. 

Jacqueline bid him goodbye at her gate, punching him on the shoulder (Jesse wasn’t allowed to punch back) and saying he should bring Hanzo home next break.

“Hell, do you have a crush on him or something?” Jesse asked, baffled.

His sister laughed, “Me? That’s rich, coming from you,” and promptly walked away before Jesse could retort.

By the time Jesse was panting and on the verge of almost blacking out from carrying his luggage back to the familiar dorm, Jacqueline’s words were long forgotten. He walked down the dorm hall and greeted people along the way, inwardly thanking the lord that none of them pointed out the few pounds of obvious holiday weight he had put on.

Jesse finally reached his room.

He was unprepared, however, to see Hanzo already in there, his back facing the door him and already unpacking.

Hanzo turned when the door slammed open, saw Jesse bending over and panting in the doorway, and didn’t say a word, arching an eyebrow.

Eventually, Hanzo smiled, and chuckled softly.

Jesse laughed a bit as well, still panting. He was heaving and laughing and feeling utterly and incredibly _at home_.

Before he realized what he was doing, Jesse had crossed the room in two wide strides. He reached Hanzo and moved to embrace him. Hanzo jumped off of his feet – literally, his head collided with Jesse's chin, but Jesse held on tightly like he was a lifeline. After a beat of silence, Hanzo patted Jesse’s shoulder as a sorry attempt for a hug back.  
  
Jesse spun him and he grinned, laughing wildly. Hanzo's hand tightened its grip on his shoulder, the other one stuck between Jesse’s arm and chest. Jesse hadn’t stopped laughing yet. “Come on, gimme a real hug,” he smiled down at Hanzo.

Hanzo didn't react, freezing and saying nothing at first. His nose was buried in Jesse's sweater and Jesse could feel how hard Hanzo was breathing.  
  
Hanzo eventually wound his free arm across his back. Jesse considered it a win.  
  
He gave Hanzo a final squeeze and let go, hands still on Hanzo's shoulders. Jesse smiled so widely his cheeks hurt.  
  
"Damn, I missed you, Hanzo," Jesse blurted out, his face burning hot, matching Hanzo's red face. 

Jesse’s heart pounded, and he could feel it pound through his chest and up the back of his neck. His head swam and his hands locked onto Hanzo’s shoulders, hard. He remembered what Genji said. He remembered what mama said. And he even remembered what Jacqueline said. Jesse looked at Hanzo, and memories of all the moments he had spent with Hanzo came rushing in, filling his head, enveloping his heart.

“ _You were never good at hiding your crushes, Jesse._ ” Ana and Jimena’s voice rang in his head as Jesse suddenly reeled back, releasing Hanzo from his sweaty grip. 

Jesse's heart always pounded when he was with Hanzo, he just never thought much of it. His head swam. He never thought it was a crush – why would he? When he liked Ana, he was always an embarrassed mess because Ana knew about his crush and dismissed it as “cute”. When he liked Wren, he was smooth and charming because he knew she liked him back. When he liked Al he was flustered and always stuttered because he had always thought Al was way out of his league.  
  
How could he have ever known he liked Hanzo all this time? Jesse was so comfortable around Hanzo, and he was easy to talk to. Jesse could make Hanzo laugh when he was aware of how Hanzo would sometimes push himself too much. He could talk to Hanzo for hours, even though the other one scarcely responded. He could have never known just how hard he was falling – there was no plummeting through the air, no dreams about Hanzo's deep eyes, no fancy wishes that he could kiss Hanzo, no wind knocked out of him. Hanzo sure didn’t look like he even noticed that Jesse was having a mental breakdown.

 _Son of a gun._ Jesse thought as he dragged a hand down his face. _God fucking dammit, Jesse McCree._

Later that night, as Jesse watched Hanzo tie his hair into a high bun before sleeping. Jesse laid down on his side in his uncomfortable bed, looking at how Hanzo’s fingers combed through his ink-black hair and how the hairband sat, perched between his lips. A million thoughts ran through Jesse’s mind.  
  
Hanzo turned and looked at him, eyebrow raised.  
  
"Is there something wrong?" he asked.  
  
Jesse kept staring. His eyebrows furrowed, and look, there it was, that sudden pang in his chest.  
  
“Nothing.” _Everything_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pictures Genji sent to Jesse of Hanzo included: The snowflake Jesse gifted Hanzo, which Genji found lying on Hanzo’s desk. Hanzo during what seemed like a family meeting, both of them wearing kimonos (Hanzo listening intently to their mother as Genji flashes peace sign at the camera). And Hanzo getting his ass kicked at video games.
> 
> A super big, universe-size thank you to utuki for beta-ing and help me with the writings!!! And to all the lovely people that commented, every single one of them made me so happy, thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School started and I went to visit friends and friends came to visit me....it was a bitch writing this chapter

Jesse woke up three times in the middle of the night. After the third, he decided it wasn’t worth trying to get back to sleep anymore. He hasn’t had insomnia since third grade, and why he suddenly couldn’t sleep now was beyond him.

Actually, Jesse knew why he couldn’t shut his eyes peacefully. The reason was sleeping soundly just a few feet away.

Jesse couldn’t see Hanzo in the dark, but he could hear his low breathing. Even that was making Jesse’s face hot.

Burying his face in his hands, Jesse groaned.

_“You were always bad at hiding your crush,”_ Ana’s voice rang. 

_As if I don’t know that already,_ Jesse thought.

_“Loser,”_ Jacqueline's voice said, and Jesse rubbed his face roughly.

He needed something to drink. Warm milk always worked for him on a cold night.

When he got to the kitchen and opened the fridge, Jesse remembered this was the first day and he literally didn’t have anything on his shelf. However, Hanzo had already picked up some groceries. He even got milk, which was weird, because Hanzo didn’t particularly like milk.

Before, Jesse would not even have second thoughts about taking Hanzo’s food. During their time as roommates, they had developed a habit of sharing groceries.

But now, Jesse couldn’t stop over-thinking. Did he usually ask Hanzo before he started using his stuff? Was Hanzo actually secretly annoyed, but just didn’t say anything because he was a passive-aggressive jerk? (Hanzo was a jerk, Jesse had to admit, though that was a small thing compared to the overflowing merits Hanzo had.)

Jesse closed the fridge. Better safe than sorry now. He’ll just have to drink water. Or steal some food from other students on the same floor.

Jesse opened the fridge again, skimming through the shelves. Nicolas from two rooms down was kind of an ass who always lectured Jesse on eating healthier (as if Hanzo wasn’t enough already). Plus, he stole cheese from Jesse once, _so…_

_But Hanzo would be so angry if he knows you took food from other students._ A voice said in his head. _But also he has no way of knowing. So I guess you could take some, if you want to disappoint him…_

Jesse slammed the fridge shut, pissed.

He grudgingly got a glass of water from the sink and hopped on top of the counter. Jesse took out his phone and replied to his mother who was asking how he was doing.

_“Say hi to your Hanzo for me!”_ his mother wrote. Jesse choked on his water. She must have meant “your roommate” and “Hanzo”, but that didn’t make his cheeks burn any less when he read those words.

He pulled up Jacqueline's name and texted her.

_“ok i think i know what u mean now :^( ”_

Jacqueline texted back immediately because his sister never sleeps. _“GOD LOSER!!!!!”_

_“I’m feeling the love…”_ Jesse typed.

_“for your roommate?”_

_“i was being sarcastic you ass!!”_

_“what do you want me to do”_ Jesse could picture his sister’s face. This was what she always said when Jesse wanted help from her. He could see her roll her eyes and sigh dramatically, _“What do you want me to do, little brother?”_

_“i dunno…i can’t sleep”_

_“wow, not eating and not sleeping? You’re in deep”_

_“I don’t know why, I never had this problem with a crush before”_

_“maybe because your crushes never sleep in the same room with you before”_

_“god dammit”_

_“Jesse”_ Jacqueline's text ended there, like she got distracted and left her brother hanging, which was probably exactly what happened.

_“Jackie!!!!!!!!!”_ Jesse texted. He sent three more texts and gave up when there was no response.

“McCree,” a voice suddenly called out next to him. Jesse yelped too loudly for this time so early in the morning, and fell off the counter.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ!” Jesse wheezed and clutched at his chest, his skin still tingling from the shock. “What the hell are you doing, Hanzo?”

Hanzo fixed him with an unimpressed look. A few strands of hair fell from his bun and onto his face. He had clearly just woken up.

Hanzo crossed his arms and leaned against the refrigerator. Jesse took a few gulps of air and settled himself back onto the kitchen counter. He felt his face flush again.

Jesse knew he was being too obvious, suddenly seeming so flustered around Hanzo, but the other man didn’t seem to notice.

“What are you doing up at this time? Usually you are knocked out as soon as you lie down.”

Jesse scratched the back of his neck. “Jet lag,” he murmured.

Hanzo arched an eyebrow, as if to say _“Really?”_

But Hanzo didn’t say anything in favor of turning and opening the fridge.

“Why are _you_ up, then?” Jesse asked.

Hanzo got out his milk and poured a small glass. He put the carton back into the fridge and pushed the glass towards Jesse.

“You left the door open. The hallway light woke me,” Hanzo said simply, not sounding irritated or angry.

Jesse froze, cursing inwardly. “Aw, I’m sorry,” Jesse grimaced, genuinely feeling bad.

“It’s fine.”

Jesse picked up the glass of milk and drank it for the lack of other things to do. Hanzo cocked his head and looked at Jesse.

“You miss home?” Hanzo asked out of the blue.

“Uh,” Jesse muttered. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to voice what he was thinking out loud, because he missed Hanzo more than home. “Nah, not yet.”

“I am just trying to figure out why you are acting a strange, is all.”

Jesse choked on his milk, “I’m… I’m acting strange?”

“You are here at three in the morning instead of sleeping, are you not?”

“Oh, well,” Jesse let out a breath. “I’m just…”

“You do not need to say anything if you do not want to,” Hanzo took Jesse’s glass of water and sipped it. “I was just…”

Jesse waited for Hanzo to finish, but the other just stared at the wall for a brief moment before shaking his head.

“Never mind.” 

“What?” Jesse pressed. “What were you going to say?”

“I said never mind.”

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“Come on –” Jesse poked Hanzo’s arm.

“Stop!” Hanzo laughed and shoved at Jesse. Jesse slipped off the counter a little and caught himself, laughing as well.

“Man,” Jesse began, and his words slipped out of his swelling chest before he could even process it. “Ya know, I’m surprised I like you so much.”

Something shifted in Hanzo’s expression and Jesse wanted to punch himself.

_Stop talking, Jesse McCree. You’re going to make a fool out of yourself._ But his mouth kept on going. “Usually I find roommates to be annoying after a while. And once I find them annoying, I'll just keep finding even more stuff about them that pisses me off.”

Hanzo hummed, he looked at Jesse slyly. “Is that so,” he murmured. “Because I find myself annoyed by you all the time still.”  
  
Jesse ducked his head and laughed sheepishly. Well, that went well...  
  
“I was just jesting, McCree.”  
  
“Oh. Thank God.”

“Well,” Hanzo paused for a moment, and Jesse almost thought he wasn’t going to finish, but Hanzo said, a bit more quietly. “I think you are a good roommate too, McCree.”

Jesse’s eyebrows shot up. Hanzo suddenly looked angry, but Jesse suspected he was probably just embarrassed. “And I would like you more if you pick up your dirty clothes after yourself.”

Jesse beamed and looked away. He had to stop avoiding eye contact so much, or Hanzo would quickly realize that Jesse wasn’t acting very normal at all.

Jesse couldn’t let this topic keep going on or he’ll definitely say something even more stupid to tip Hanzo off 

“Why'd you call me that?” Jesse asked. “All my friends call me Jesse, and I don't call you ‘Shimada’ now, do I?”  
  
“Hmm, would you like me to refer to you by your first name?”  
  
“Yeah,” he exhaled shakily, “Yeah, I would.”  
  
“Okay,” Hanzo said, and then, “Jesse.”  
  
Jesse's skin prickled with heat, and he shifted restlessly on the counter. Hanzo gave Jesse a concerned look.  
  
“Are you alright?”

“Yeah!” Jesse said, too quickly. “That wasn’t so bad now, was it?” he grinned, trying to steer the attention away from himself.

Hanzo didn’t answer. Jesse awkwardly avoided eye contact and downed the last bit of milk. He put their glasses into the sink.

They fell silent. The student kitchen at night always felt eerily peaceful. They listened to the faint droning of the refrigerator and the soft pit-pats of the water dripping down the sink. Jesse blearily gazed at his hands on the table and felt his eyes droop. He wondered why he was here again. Why was Hanzo sitting with him? Shouldn’t he be sleeping? What reason did he have for giving any attention to Jesse? Jesse’s mind buzzed with questions but he just sat there, basking in the comfort of Hanzo’s presence.

After some time, Jesse found himself yawning. He hated this feeling – tired enough to not function properly, but not tired enough to fall asleep right away.

He glanced up and saw that Hanzo had paused at the doorway. Hanzo glanced back and told Jesse that he should at least try and get some sleep. Jesse willingly went, tired feet dragging on the carpet. He didn’t think he could fall back to sleep, but he was tired and his sister still hasn’t texted him back yet.

Eventually, Jesse was able to find some rest. He fell into a deep sleep and didn’t wake up until the sun was high in the sky and Hanzo was preparing to leave for class. Jesse had woken up with Hanzo, but stayed in their room.

Once again, he checked his phone and realized Jacqueline did actually text him back last night – Jesse had been too distracted to notice.

 

．．．．．

 

When Hanzo got back, Jesse was still in his pajamas, laying in bed, fiddling with his phone for what seemed like the past few hours.

“Did you not leave the room at all today, McCree?”

“Han-zo,” Jesse whined.

Hanzo sighed and said, “Jesse.”

“ _Well,_ ” Jesse could feel the big dopey grin spread on his face. He propped his feet on the wall and put his arms behind his head, “I don’t have class on Monday anymore.”

For anyone else, not having class on Monday would be a big fucking blessing since most normal students would be partying through the weekend and desperately hoping their hangovers would subside before their Monday classes arrived. But Hanzo wasn’t the kind to party. In fact, the only time he ever went anywhere was because Jesse dragged Hanzo with him.

Hanzo just huffed, not jealous in the slightest.

“You should use this day to study then,” he said instead, sitting down on his bed.

Jesse looked at Hanzo from his position and thought that Hanzo still looked incredibly handsome even upside-down.

“I haven’t even had my first class yet.”

“You could always go over the lesson before class starts.”

“I have literally never done that in my life, and I don’t see you doing it.”

Hanzo crossed his arms. “I have finished reading my textbooks during the break already.”

Jesse couldn’t help but gape at that. “Hanzo…” he slowly muttered, “you have a problem.”

Hanzo rolled his eyes at Jesse. He then reached over to grab a sweater draped over the back of his chair.

“It is getting too cold,” Hanzo remarked, starting to slip on the shirt.

Ah, Jesse suddenly remembered something. “Hold up,” he said, rolling off his bed and to his duffle bag. He totally forgot because, well, he hasn’t bothered to even unpack yet.

Jesse dug out a crumpled package, his heart hammering in his chest. Jesse had only decided to buy something for Hanzo a few days before the break ended. Now he hoped he had spent a shit load more time to decide what to give Hanzo instead of some shitty sweater he bought as a joke.

Hanzo came up next to Jesse, looking at him expectedly. Jesse thrust the package into Hanzo’s chest.

“Uh, well,” Jesse sputtered a little. Fuck. “I got you this, sort of a late Christmas present.”

Hanzo’s eyes widened. “Jesse,” he let out a soft gasp, and for a moment, Jesse regretted ever asking Hanzo to call him by his first name. “I… didn’t get you anything…”

“It’s nothing fancy, really, so don’t worry your pretty little head over it.”

Hanzo slowly and neatly unfolded the package. Hanzo daintily picked up the sweater and shook it out before him.

“It says ‘Beautiful Disaster’ on this,” Hanzo stated bluntly.

Jesse scratched his stubble, looking at the floor. He chuckled and said, “Yeah… it was a joke. When I first moved in here I thought you were kind of a neat freak, nothing I couldn’t handle. I didn’t mind. But I was talking to a friend and for a while, I refer to you as ‘the unstoppable natural disaster that always forces me to pick up my damn socks.'”

Hanzo stared up at the ceiling where the snowflakes still hung, probably not believing what he had just heard. At least now he probably wasn’t feeling guilty about not getting Jesse anything anymore.

“Thank you,” Hanzo finally said, and his face was so pained it made Jesse burst out laughing.

“Well, try it on!” Jesse flopped back down on his bed and flapped his hand. He watched Hanzo try to pull the sweater over his head, but Hanzo was already wearing a sweater too thick to have another one pulled over it. Hanzo opted to put the hideous sweater aside and stripped his own sweater off.

Jesse went from laughing to choking on his own spit in a mere half a second. Hanzo only wore a black tank top underneath and _Jesus Christ, was that a tattoo._

He went speechless, staring at the tattoo that covered all of Hanzo’s left arm and disappeared into the brim of the tank top. Jesse could see blue scales and gold lines, but he couldn’t make out what the tattoo was.

“You…you have a tattoo?” Jesse croaked, mouth dry. This was bad, so bad. Fuck, he’s always had a thing for tattoos.

“Hmm?” Hanzo glanced at his arm, as if he just realized there was a tattoo. As Hanzo raised his arm, Jesse could see the lines on his wrist. A dragon stared at him upside-down. _Holy shit._

Hanzo shivered and quickly shrugged on the sweater Jesse gave him. The tattoo disappeared from sight and Jesse instantly missed the details. He wanted to study every line and every scale, to see what the rest of the dragon looked like. _If only Hanzo took his tank top off too…_

Jesse covered his face with his hands and exhaled heavily. “You have a fuckin’ tattoo?” he repeated, voice sounding even more hoarse than before. 

“Yes,” Hanzo said bluntly. The sweater looked a little tight around Hanzo’s chest, and Jesse screamed internally.

“Teenage rebellion? Guys night went wrong?” Jesse grasped for an explanation. “Is this why you never drink?”

Hanzo rubbed his eyes exasperatedly, “Does my tattoo looks like something a drunk would get?”

“I didn’t mean it like that…”

“It is a family tradition,” Hanzo explained, “My mother has one, my grandfather has one. And Genji and I both have one.”

“Genji got one too? Why have I never seen it?”

“I would be more worried if you _had_ seen it.”

“What – oh,” Jesse blushed, “That does sound like something he would do.”

“Yes, it is,” Hanzo sighed as he said it, but the corner of his lips turned up in a subtle, fond smile.

“Wow, holy fuck. I still can’t believe you had a tattoo all this time and I didn’t notice.”

“It is too chilly here. It was a lot warmer back in Hanamura, so I am not used to this cold,” Hanzo plopped down next to Jesse on his bed.

Jesse froze and stared at Hanzo, eyes wide. Hanzo’s eyes slowly closed, and his head drifted to the side a little, closer to Jesse’s shoulder, almost like he was about to lean his head on it.

Jesse didn’t dare move.

Hanzo’s eyes suddenly snapped open and he leaned back away from his personal bubble. He glanced at Jesse and smiled.

It was a really small smile, like all of Hanzo’s other smiles. But it hit Jesse like a hundred pound hammer with a note of “You’re fucked” attached to it, because this smile looked more distant and less Hanzo.

“Thank you for your gift,” Hanzo said, politely, blankly. Then he just stood up and walked out. Leaving Jesse frozen on the spot.

Jesse has no idea where Hanzo went. He didn’t bring his phone or bag or anything. Hell, Hanzo left wearing his _slippers_. He didn’t forget that Hanzo still had that sweater on.

Jesse didn’t have to guess for long. Ten minutes later he got a text from Genji, demanding, _“what the fuck did you do to my brother??”_

Jesse slowly puts down his phone and stared at the wall. Hell if he knows.

 

．．．．．

 

“Genji, I need your help.”

“Fucking finally.”

“I need to know what Hanzo told you when he went to your room yesterday.”

“What?”

“I need to know what he said!”

“I…” Genji’s voice hesitated across the line, and Jesse waited with his breath caught in his throat. “I can’t,” Genji said finally.

That was what Jesse was dreading of, ever since he got Genji’s text yesterday, after Hanzo left their room with a blank look and a tight smile. And after Jesse laid back down on his bed and ran over everything that just happened.

“Fuck,” Jesse crouched down and clutched at his hair, chest tight. Then he remembered he was in the middle of the hall. Shakily, Jesse stood up and wobbled over to the wall, leaning against it. He pulled his scarf up to cover his mouth. “Fuck, Genji, _just tell me._ ”

“I can’t. I promised Hanzo I wouldn’t tell.”

_“Genji!”_ Jesse's voice dropped to an urgent whisper. He hesitated, but went with it anyway, “Did Hanzo notice I have a crush on him or not?”

There was a pause.

And silence.

“What.”

Then it was Jesse’s turn to fall silent before Genji broke into hysterical laughter.

_“What?”_ Genji choked out, and he started coughing violently.

“I hope you choke to death,” Jesse growled, with the tone of a man that had just lost his dignity.

“Is that what –” Genji started coughing again. Jesse glared at the hallway wall angrily. “Is that why you were asking me? You thought Hanzo freaked out?”

“Fuck you.”

“Aw, man,” Genji wheezed, breathing heavily. “Don’t worry, lover boy. It wasn’t about that.”

Even though the embarrassment of blurting out his secret crush to his said crush’s brother, Jesse still felt overwhelming relief.

“Well, why did he just leave yesterday?”

“Oh, that. It’s nothing about you,” Genji said reassuringly. “Just something you said reminded him of something he needed to tell me.”

“What?”

“I’ve told you already, I can’t say.”

“Well –”

“Well _nothing,”_ Genji cut him off. “We’ve got a bigger problem.”

“Genji, please don’t.”

“I heard please and I accept the task of hooking you up with my brother.”

Jesse made a disgusted noise, “I do not want to talk to you about this.”

“I am like, the best person to go to!” Genji yelled enthusiastically. “ _Please_ let me help.”

“How are you gonna help?” Jesse asked. “I wasn’t planning on… uh… telling.”

“And why not?”

“The same old fuckin’ reason!” Jesse yelled, scaring a girl passing by, “He's my roommate, it’ll get awkward, things like that!”

“Please, just shut up,” Genji said.

“ _You_ shut up!”

“Where are you? I’m in the courtyard. Let’s meet and talk.”

“No, we ain’t,” Jesse started walking, heading straight back to his room.

“Jesse McCree–”

Jesse hung up and broke into a run.

Jesse got back to his building at a record speed (for him). He ignored the concerns of students who saw Jesse limping down the dorm hallway.

Jesse got to his room and slammed the door shut, locking it behind him. He didn’t think he could make it to his bed so instead he collapsed into his chair.

Jesse could feel Hanzo come up next to him. “Jesse, are you okay?” Hanzo asked, touching Jesse’s shoulder lightly.        

Jesse cracked open his eye and smiled brightly at Hanzo, feeling better already.

“Yeah, _Jesse_ , are you okay?” a voice said behind them.

Jesse yelled and jumped up, spinning around to see a grinning Genji sitting on Hanzo’s bed.

“Why are you here?” Jesse asked angrily. “How did you get here so fast?”

“Just wanted to chat with my brother,” Genji said, propping his leg up on Jesse’s bed.

“Is something wrong?” Hanzo asked, eyeing the two of them suspiciously.

“Nothing’s wrong, Genji is just being a pest.”

Hanzo sighed, “Genji, stop being a pest to Jesse.”

Genji laughed brightly. He has been smiling non-stop. Although Jesse was pissed he could see the smile was a genuine smile, like Genji was actually happy instead of teasing.

“I didn’t do anything!” Genji winked at them, and nudged Jesse with his toes.

“Don’t you have a class or something?” Hanzo asked.

“I do. But I’m feeling like I could use a movie. It’s been a stressful week.” Genji mocked sighed.

“It’s the second day of school,” Jesse gritted out.

“Yeah, and that calls for a break,” Genji strutted to them, swinging each of his arms around Jesse and Hanzo’s shoulder, pulling them down. Jesse suddenly came face to face with Hanzo, who looked just as startled as he was feeling.

Hanzo pulled away first, while Jesse stayed under Genji’s arm, willing his face to cool down. God, when will he stop being so flustered?

“What are you planning, Genji?” Hanzo asked.

“I was thinking we could watch a movie,” Genji replied. He let go of Jesse and picked up Hanzo’s laptop. Then he turned to Hanzo and said a word sweetly in Japanese. Hanzo suddenly looked alarmed.

“Could you please go to my room and get some sodas? I bought some yesterday. Zen would let you in. Jesse and I can pick the movie.”

Hanzo looked like he wanted to refuse. He furrowed his brows and spared a glance at Jesse, who just shrugged helplessly.

Hanzo looked back to his brother and said something in Japanese, fast and accusing. Genji smiled innocently, saying something back.

Hanzo sighed, looking as reluctant as one could get, but walked out the door anyway.

As soon as Hanzo was out of the room, Jesse and Genji turned to face each other at the same time, one angry, one excited.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” Jesse spat.

“I am _helping_ ,” Genji stressed with hand gestures. “You are so awkward around Hanzo now! If this keeps going on he will definitely notice. You need to have some serious hangout session with him. The faster you get used to being around him, the less likely he will notice.” Genji pointed at himself like he just solved world hunger, but to Jesse, he just looked like a dictator spatting nonsense.

“You are so full of shit and you just want to screw me over for fun,” Jesse crossed his arms.

Genji sighed, “Trust me, I want this to work out so much. Relax, I’ll be here the entire time.”

Genji booted up Hanzo’s laptop and started scrolling through movies. Jesse went over to look, defeated.

He groaned when he saw what movies Genji was looking through. “You’re picking a horror film?”

“A _Japanese_ horror film,” Genji said, clicking on a movie with a scary pale lady on the cover. “This one is a classic.”

“Is it really scary?” Jesse asked nervously.

“It’s okay. But if you’re really scared you could always sleep with Hanzo.”

Jesse was about to sock Genji when the door slid open. Hanzo carried a bag of drinks that looked far too heavy for only three people.

Hanzo certainly carried it like it was nothing, but Jesse walked over anyway and took it from Hanzo.

Jesse’s hand brushed against Hanzo’s hand. Jesse could feel how cold Hanzo’s hand was while Jesse’s palm was hot enough to start sweating.

“Let me help you,” Jesse sheepishly offered.

“Thank you,” Hanzo replied, staring at where Jesse’s hand gripped the bag of drinks.

“Kayako won’t wait forever!” Genji yelled, effectively ruining everything.

Hanzo said something in Japanese again, which made Jesse worried. There was obviously something Hanzo didn’t want Jesse to know.

However, Genji replied to Hanzo earnestly, holding his palm out. Hanzo’s relaxed, and Jesse did too, sort of. 

Genji sat on Hanzo’s bed and patted the space beside him. Hanzo and Jesse both grudgingly climbed on as Genji pressed play 

When the main character began the narration, Genji finally quieted down. He pulled up the blanket and covered all three of them. With Genji sandwiched himself between Hanzo and Jesse, lights on, and Hanzo making snarky remarks on the movie, Jesse decided that this wasn’t too nerve-wracking after all.

But of course, Jesse was a fool to trust Shimada Genji.

Not even halfway through the movie, Genji pulled out his phone and started typing. Then abruptly, he announced, “Okay, I have to go.”

Both Jesse and Hanzo snapped their heads around to look at him.

“Got a date with a dude,” Genji waved his phone and turned to Hanzo. “Is my eyeliner still good?”

“Genji!” Hanzo hissed angrily. “You said…”

“Yeah, I know what I said. But sorry, tonight, hoes before bros.” Genji climbed past a pissed off Jesse and rolled off the bed.

“Also. I paid for this movie, so you two better finish it,” Genji gave both of them a grin and thumb ups, not at all affected by the simultaneous glares on his brother and friend’s faces.

And right before Genji left the room, he turned off the lights.

“Have a fun night,” Genji sung, grin looking more like a sneer in the dark.

Jesse and Hanzo were both quiet for a moment, staring at the door.

If he called it off now, it would be too obvious that something was wrong. Or maybe Hanzo would think Jesse was angry at him.

And it was not like Jesse didn’t want to watch a movie with Hanzo… alone… pressed up against each other… in the dark…

Jesse was going to mess this up, he could feel it.

_I know I haven’t prayed in forever,_ Jesse appealed. _But, please, no surprise boner. God, I’m begging you._

“Well,” Hanzo said, calmly. “Shall we finish?”

“Yeah. Let’s,” Jesse said, still repeating ‘No boner’ in his head like a mantra.

Now that Genji was not with them anymore, there was no reason to sit so far apart. Especially when Jesse was honestly a little (just a little) scared with the lights off.

Hanzo started the movie again. They watched in silence. Jesse thought about pressing against Hanzo. He decided not to.

But somewhere during the movie, Jesse shifted and realized Hanzo and he had somehow ended up pressing against each other anyway. Jesse also realized how cold Hanzo was even with the blanket covering both of them.

“Are you cold, Hanzo?” Jesse whispered, not entirely sure why he felt the need to.

“No,” Hanzo replied in a whisper as well, his breath ghosting past Jesse’s neck. Jesse shivered. “But it looks like you are.”

Jesse felt his face warm up and thanked Genji for turning the lights off. He then reminded himself that he should still be pissed at Genji. Jesse pulled the blanket around them tighter, which made Hanzo shifted towards him even more. “Yeah,” Jesse murmured.

The movie was getting scarier now, Jesse was forced to admit. He was shrinking further and further into the blankets each minute. Even Hanzo’s commentary stopped.

The protagonist was investigating an empty house. Jesse knew something was going to happen, but he still wasn’t prepared for it.

The girl opened the closet door. Nothing. Jesse let out a sigh of relief.

Then she turned and a woman grabbed the girl’s shoulder.

Jesse screamed and grabbed Hanzo’s shoulder. Hanzo screeched, and out of reflex, kicked Jesse off the bed.

Jesse yelped as he fell off the bed, taking the blanket with him. He hit the floor with a heavy thump and started struggling against the tangled blanket, heart beating hard and fast from the scare, the pain, and the death trap that took the form of a blanket.

The blanket was stripped away from him in an instant. Jesse looked up, still panting, and saw Hanzo looking down at him furiously.

“Don’t you,” Hanzo gritted out, threw the blanket away, and picked up his pillow. “Ever,” Hanzo raised the pillow. “Do that again!”

The pillow hit Jesse’s face with the force of a horse’s kick. Jesse yelped, again. And he fell over, again.

“Get back up here so we can finish this movie,” Hanzo snapped, and Jesse’s heart that had just calmed down started hammering against his chest again.

“Jesus fuck,” Jesse breathed. “That lady is scary.”

“Your scream was what scared me.”

“Yeah, right.”

Jesse climbed back onto the bed and wrapped the blanket around them once more.

This time, Jesse thought about pressing against Hanzo, and did just that.

Hanzo didn’t react, but this time, he felt warm. The movie ended without casualty.

They fell asleep like that, huddling together in the dark.

 

．．．．．

 

Jesse woke up with his face buried in the pillow. His eyes couldn’t focus on anything yet.

Something brushed against his feet and suddenly Jesse was very, very awake.

The image of the pale lady flashed through his mind. He sat up. There was someone in bed with him, face covered by black hair.

Jesse screamed.

Hanzo jolted up, looking at Jesse. Both their mouths were hanging open. Anger flashed across Hanzo’s feature as Jesse realized his mistake.

“I thought I told you not to do that again,” Hanzo grunted hoarsely. Jesse guessed it was still too early to yell.

“Do you know how much you look like a fucking ghost in the morning?” Jesse tried to reason. “Almost pissed myself.”

“Then I suggest you get off my bed, now.”

Jesse did, his back and neck protesting. His side was still sore from Hanzo’s kick last night. He flopped down onto his bed, seriously considered skipping class. 

Hanzo stirred in his bed and got up, rummaged through his stuff and left the room. When he came back, he was wearing fresh clothes and his hair was puffy from being freshly washed and haphazardly dried. Hanzo puts his hair in a bun and grabbed his car keys.

Jesse jumped off of his bed. “Wait!”

“No, Jesse, I will not skip class because you are scared.” Hanzo looked at Jesse dead in the eye.

“That ain’t what I was going to say, but fuck you,” Jesse laughed. “I was thinking… I could drive you?”

Hanzo raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Well, you’re going to East Campus right?” Hanzo nodded. “And I have a class there in a while, so we could just go together?”

Jesse ended with uncertainty. What was he doing? Taking Genji’s advice, spending more time with Hanzo? Would that really help?

“Why would you have class on East Campus?” Hanzo frowned.

Jesse didn’t. “Uh… extra credit,” Jesse lied.

Hanzo thought about it and said. “Go brush your teeth then.”

He did as told, and maybe he also sat in one of the stalls for a minute or two to calm his nerves.

 

．．．．．

 

This routine went on for a few weeks. Jesse would come up some sort of excuse to drive Hanzo around, and Hanzo would never find a reason to refuse.

Jesse even started cleaning his truck regularly. Stopped leaving trash and food wraps in the passenger seat, even downloaded music he knew Hanzo liked onto his phone so he could play it while they drove.

It was nice. Jesse was finally more comfortable around Hanzo, but sometimes he would accidentally let something a little too intimate slip out, and Jesse would remind himself once again why he shouldn’t have crushes.

To his comfort, Jacqueline actually check up on him frequently, asking, _“Are you still being a wuss?” “Did he find out?”_ and the occasional _“How are you holding up?”_

His sister was never good at love advice, so Jesse just kept her in the loop, never asking for help. In return, his sister never gave him any, but she lent a good ear to listen.

Genji was still being cheeky and trying to ‘help out’. Which really just meant he was constantly throwing innuendos out around them.

Genji had also figured out Jesse and Hanzo’s driving schedule and ambushed them whenever he can. Jesse thought Hanzo wouldn’t mind it, but the other man seemed just as disturbed by Genji as Jesse was, especially now as Genji showed up with Satya in tow, grinning wolfishly.

Genji and Satya whispered to each other as Jesse and Hanzo approached them. They chuckled merrily like long-time friends.

“Satya,” Hanzo greeted her. Satya nodded back, a rare smile tugging at her lips.

“I was thinking we could go to the library and study together after class today,” Satya said, voice deep and cool. She glanced at Jesse and surprised him with a greeting that could be considered as warm.

“Didn’t know you two were buddies,” Jesse drawled, hooking his thumb in his belt. He insisted on wearing it even though it was cold as shit and the belt buckle was giving him surprise chills on way too many occasions.

“Satya recently approached me on behave a certain problem that has her concerned,” Genji cupped his palms around his mouth, pretending it was for warmth. But Jesse could see he was hiding a grin.

“And what is that?” Hanzo and Jesse both asked at the same moment. Jesse snapped his gaze to Hanzo, grinning. And Hanzo just looked angry while trying to fight down a smile.

That face made Jesse laughed. Why does Hanzo feel the need to keep up a frowning face at all times?

“That face,” Jesse laughed. “Just smile, is not like anyone is gonna think you’re less intimidating!”

“I do not try to look intimidating,” Hanzo said, with the face of someone trying to be intimidating.

“Lord, you are so cute,” Jesse said. Then he immediately went rigid, because holy fuck, he did not just say that out loud.

Everyone was looking at him, startled. Hanzo was the only one McCree cared about at the moment. Hanzo frowned, eyes wide, like someone who was just shocked into anger. Behind him, Genji and Satya shared an exasperated look.

“I…I mean!” Jesse started, desperately trying to save face. “I mean it like, you looked _adorable_.”

Fuck his ass with a spoon, he did not just screw himself over again. Jesse panicked.

Now Hanzo looked alarmed, “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yes! No,” the cold suddenly felt welcoming on his hot skin. Jesse pressed his palm against his cheeks, groaning lowly.

Satya, with all her beautiful elegance and glory of a savior, stepped in smoothly and captured Hanzo’s attention. “Hanzo, we should leave if we wish to find a good spot.”

Hanzo nodded, but shot Jesse a calculated look that turned somewhat sad and wistful.

Satya fell back a little bit, gave Genji a look and with two strides, caught up with Hanzo.  
  
Jesse and Genji watched as the two walked away. A cold gale tore at their clothes, Jesse paid it no mind.

After a while, Genji said, “Hey, uh, I think there's something under your boots.”  
  
Jesse slowly lifted his feet, looked under and saw nothing.  
  
“No, there really is,” Genji said. “Look, I think I found your dignity.”  
  
Jesse stomped his foot back down, looked at Genji, unimpressed.

“Like,” Genji ran his fingers through his bangs and pushed them back, leaving his hands on the top of his head, finally looking tired of matchmaking. “How did you survive high school?”

“What makes you think I came out fine?” Jesse was too done with himself to retort.

“I can see you fail at the flirting department. How did you manage to get all those people flustered at the parties?”

“Those weren’t serious!” Jesse exclaimed. “I was messing around, _they_ were messing around. I didn’t have the pressure of wanting them to like me back!”

Genji rolled his eyes. “Okay, this calls for an intervention.”

“No, no more Genji’s love Ed.” Jesse sighed, exhaustion gripped him suddenly. He slumped. “I just want to keep him, okay?”

“Jesse –”

“Don’t you ‘Jesse’ me.” Jesse snapped.

“No, please, you don’t get it,” Genji put his hands out, almost like he wanted to plead. “I want you guys to work.”

“Why?”

“Because –” Genji’s eyes widen. “I…I think you’ll be good to him.”

“That means nothing if Hanzo doesn’t reciprocate.”

Genji’s shoulders locked up, face suddenly scrunched up in anger. He started to say something, but Jesse cut him off.

“It’s fine, Genji. I think I have had enough of this for today,” Jesse was feeling very cold at the moment, coming down from the flush few moments ago. Maybe he was getting sick. “I think I’ll head back now. 

Genji nodded, not saying anything more.

 

．．．．．

 

The next few weeks were a nightmare and a fucking blessing, in Jesse’s opinion. Because after realizing his crush, Jesse was unable to keep Hanzo off of his mind. Luckily Hanzo was always near. Jesse liked to look at Hanzo, and Hanzo had _a lot t_ o look at (and that tattoo still somewhat make Jesse’s brain fry every time he thought about it).

Jesse glanced at Hanzo from the corner of his eyes whenever he thought Hanzo wasn’t looking. Anytime Hanzo looked like he was turning, Jesse would snap his eyes back to the essay he was writing (and failing).

Stealing glances at your crush while doing school work was a bad idea. Jesse stared at Hanzo as the other man grabbed the hem of his hoodie and pulled it over his head, the bottom of his black tank top riding up a little, exposing Hanzo’s lower back. Hanzo’s muscles tensed and relaxed with his movements. His tattooed arm screamed at Jesse.

Fuck, he really wanted to trace his fingers down across those lines.

Hanzo put on a new shirt and turned. Jesse hurriedly turned his attention back to his laptop screen, and then realized he had kept his finger on the backspace button and deleted a whole paragraph of his essay.

Jesse shut his laptop. This was a nightmare.

“I am going out with Genji,” Hanzo said behind him. Jesse turned, slinging an arm across the back of his chair, trying very hard to look nonchalant.

“Have fun,” he grinned, flashing his winning smile.

Hanzo nodded and left, as impassive as ever.

Jesse’s smile stayed as Hanzo shut the door.

He took out his phone and opened the texts sent by Jacqueline. He had read them over twenty times since he got them last night.  

_“Jesse,”_

When his sister calling him by his first name it was never good.

_“Jesse, sometimes you overthink things.”_ That was the first one. Jesse opened the second one.

_“I know I ain’t the best at this stuff, but I need you to realize that I’ve seen you through your first crush in preschool to your first time getting dumped in high school”_

Thanks for bringing that up. Jesse rolled his eyes.

_“You are extremely lighthearted when you don’t have a serious thing for someone and extremely heavy-hearted when you do. If you are thinking so much without doing anything, then we both know you are in deep. Stop beating yourself up and try something. What does he like? What would you like to do with him? The gap between realizing you feel for someone and telling them is immense… but I’ll be crossing it with you.”_

_“The worst that could happen is that you lose him. It’ll suck, you’ll cry again, you’ll think about it for a very very very long time. But you’ll be okay, you’ll learn to be okay. I’ll help you to be okay, but you’re gonna have to do something first.”_

_“You know you can text me anytime. Talk to me soon.”_

Jesse did open a new text. He had typed a long message and deleted it. He went back to writing his essay, but his attention kept shifting back to the unfinished text on his phone. Jesse wrote and deleted, He stared at the snowflakes and his phone.

Finally, Jesse just asked a simple question because that was the easiest.

．．．．．

 

The hard part was waiting for the reply, but when Hanzo answered with a simple “Yes” to his simple “Wanna hang out tonight?” Jesse once again realized just _how much_ he wanted this.

Hanzo didn’t ask what or why, and honestly, Jesse hadn’t thought of what yet either. What do people do on a date again? And does it still count if one party didn’t know it was a date?

Jesse wandered around the dorm hall aimlessly, looking at bulletin boards and talking to people, asking them what they are up to tonight, desperately trying to get some sort of idea of what to do. _“Do something first.”_ Yeah, right, Jacqueline should have told him to think of something first before doing something. This was why Jesse never took relationships past casual flirting anymore, because he had no idea what the fuck he was doing.

Jesse was almost going to resort to asking Genji for help when he spotted Zenyatta in the kitchen, patting a girl on her forearm and sending her away.

“Hiya Zenyatta!” Jesse cringed inwardly at how that sounded. “Haven’t seen you in a while, how’ve you been?”

“Greetings, McCree,” Zenyatta offered Jesse a smile that calmed him instantly. “I am well. Classes have been a bit heavy this year, I regret not being able to spend more times with friends.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’ll get the time,” Jesse grinned. “What’re you up to tonight?”

“Maybe spend some time finally catching up on some recreational reading. How about you, my friend?”

Jesse smiled at ‘my friend’ and said, “I’ll be hanging with Hanzo tonight.”

Zenyatta hummed quietly, a knowing look crossed his features. Jesse wondered momentarily if Genji had told him about Jesse’s feelings toward Hanzo, but Genji, no matter how teasing he got, would never tell other peoples' secrets without the owner’s permission. Still, Zenyatta was looking at Jesse like he knew how important this was.

“That is good to hear. What will you two be doing?”

“Uh, well,” Jesse scratched the back of his neck, “I haven’t thought of it yet.”

“Ah,” Zenyatta nodded. “This is a problem.”

Jesse shifted, Zenyatta was sounding more and more like he knew what was happening.

“May I suggest something then?” Zenyatta asked.

Jesse widens his eyes. “Yeah, shoot.”

“The sky has been beautiful for the past week. I would suggest stargazing,” Zenyatta clasped his hands. “But it would be cold, so be sure to keep warm if you choose to do so.”

Jesse was so happy he almost couldn’t see straight. “Yes!” he shouted as he grabbed Zenyatta’s shoulder. “That’s an amazing idea! Thanks!”

Zenyatta smiled softly, holding up a palm. “You are welcome. I hope you two have a pleasant evening.”

Jesse ran back to his room and grabbed his serape, and then down the hall where he banged on Lena’s door. The woman answered with a puzzled smile.

“What’s up?” she asked as Jesse bounced where he stood. Lena laughed, “You’re practically glowing, Jesse!”

“Lena, darling, honey,” Jesse put his hands together in a pleading matter. “Could you lend me one of your thermoses?”

“My thermos?”

“Yes. Can you lend me one?”

“Of course! I have a lot,” Lena retreated to her room and grabbed one of her many water bottles. She handed them to Jesse, “Here you go!”

“Thanks, love,” Jesse ran back down the hall as Lena laughed behind him and yelled, “That’s my line!”

Jesse ran into the kitchen and checked the time. It was ten to eight, and he was supposed to pick up Hanzo at the library at eight.

Checked the fridge, no milk. He cursed and boiled some water, dug out the cocoa power that he knew someone had on the top shelve.

“Thank you, unknown stranger. Your sweets are going to make love happen tonight,” Jesse said quietly into the container as he scooped three big spoons of powder into the thermos and added the hot water. Five to eight.

Jesse grabbed his coat, his serape, the cocoa and ran to his truck. His pickup truck was usually a mess. What was probably more like a garbage can with wheels before was now cleaner than ever since Jesse had started trying to impress Hanzo. Jesse still double checked, to make sure there wasn’t any trash in the car before dumping everything in.

Hanzo was waiting at the library entrance with Satya when Jesse got there, one minute late.

Jesse waved at Satya as Hanzo climbed into the truck. Satya waved back elegantly, nodded at Jesse, giving him a tense, but genuine smile. Jesse grinned back, shooting her a finger gun (which made her smile drop instantly.)

“Where are we going?” Hanzo asked as they drove away, out of the campus ground.

“Well, the sky has been beautiful for the past week. I thought we could go stargazing.”

“Stargazing?” Hanzo echoed.

“Stargazing,” Jesse confirmed.

Hanzo looked straight ahead and nodded.

Jesse leaned his elbow on the car window and his head on his knuckles, one hand on the steering wheel.

Jesse whistled his usual tune. The notes came out heavy and low. He didn’t even realize he was whistling until from the corner of his eyes, he saw Hanzo turn to look at him.

Suddenly all too aware of Hanzo looking at him, Jesse stopped, flustered.  
  
Hanzo snapped his gaze away immediately, frowning. Jesse felt a bit guilty, not wanting Hanzo to think Jesse stopped because of him. Well, it was because of him, but not for the reason Hanzo probably had in mind.

Jesse cleared his throat. He tapped the picture of his mother and sisters he kept on the dashboard.

“My mama taught me and my sisters how to whistle,” Jesse said, and relaxed when Hanzo turned back to look at him. “She also taught me that song. Or tune, I guess.”

Hanzo’s eyes shifted to look the picture, at mama’s short brown hair and dark skin, bright but tired eyes with dark lashes framing them.

“Your mother is very beautiful,” Hanzo said.

Jesse laughed. He knew his mother was pretty as a picture, but never really thought so himself –probably because she was his mom. Jesse and his sister always made faces when people complimented their mother on her beauty, on her pretty down-cast eyes, toothy smile, and how lucky her partner was to have such a beautiful wife.

Mama’s pretty face never faltered, she was too used to keeping silence than giving explanations.

“Yeah, she is,” Jesse agreed, the very few times he ever agreed. He missed her.

“You two look alike.”

“Are you saying I look pretty, Hanzo?” Jesse teased. Hanzo rolled his eyes, all too used to Jesse’s ego by now.

Hanzo was silence for a moment. Only the sound of the heater lingered in the car, and the faint sound of wind rushed by outside. The road was dark, the dashboard lights dim but soft. Warm air hung over them. The blurry view of Hanzo and him sitting by each other reflected under the window. Jesse’s heart swelled at how stupidly happy this made him.

“We’re heading into the forests. The light pollution there should be low enough to see some stars.”

Hanzo nodded.

“Where is your father?” Hanzo suddenly asked. Jesse looked over at him and saw Hanzo looking at the picture. “If you do not mind me asking,” Hanzo added.

“I don’t mind one bit if it’s you asking,” Jesse said.

Hanzo said nothing, and neither did Jesse. He was just finding his words.

“I don’t know who my father was,” Jesse admitted. “I know his name, but that’s about it.”

The air was warm and dry. Hanzo shifted next to him. Jesse licked his bottom lip. “My last name wasn’t always McCree.”

Hanzo turned to look at him, and Jesse also turned and smiled. His face felt warm, and for once, he did not feel like shit when talking about his father.

“Mama never hid the truth from us. She got pregnant, but he didn’t want any of us. He stayed with Jimena and Jacqueline. When I was born, he had enough and left.”

“When I was in elementary, Jacqueline was just starting junior high and Jimena was about to start the last year of high school. That was the only time Jimena ever shouted at mama. She said he doesn’t get to be in our life, and that memories of him were already too much.”

“Jackie and I hid behind the couch as Jimena screamed at mama in the kitchen. Only for a short while. She stopped when mama started crying.”

Jesse paused here. Talking about his dad never made him sad but thinking about his mama crying always did. “Jimena insisted that family doesn’t come in halves. He ain’t half of our parents, and he ain’t entirely our father. He doesn’t just automatically get to be our father. His present isn’t enough if he didn’t put any effort into it.”

Jesse was rambling, and he forced himself to stop. He mumbled an apology, and Hanzo reassured him he didn’t mind.

Jesse asked if he should continue, and Hanzo said he never asked Jesse to stop.

“Jimena said we should be named after mama, since she’s the one that raised us,” Jesse was trying to finish now, even though Hanzo told him to keep talking. “The next week mama took us to get our names changed. Yeah.”

Jesse felt a bit awkward, a little flustered, and a whole lot dreamy with Hanzo looking at him like he was something incredible. He kept his eyes on the road, and he could feel how Hanzo kept his on Jesse.

Stargazing wasn’t going to beat this.

When they got to the forest, Jesse parked on the side of the road. They didn’t actually go into the woods, but it was nice to hear the wind rustle through the leaves. Jesse laid his serape across the back of his truck so he and Hanzo could lay down on it. There were more stars than they both thought there would be, and Jesse insisted he could see the faint outline of the Milky Way.

They spent almost half an hour looking for Orion’s belt since that was the only constellation Jesse knew. But there were so many stars in a line that looked like a belt, they both agreed on mutual defeat.

Next they spent another fifteen minutes arguing if one of the particularly bright stars was the North Star. That ended soon when it became too cold to argue.

Jesse took the serape and laid it across over the both of them. Hanzo’s shoulder touched Jesse’s, and they dissolved into silence.

Sometimes Hanzo’s face would get incredibly close to Jesse’s cheeks when he wanted to look at some stars on Jesse’s side. Jesse wanted to turn and brush his nose against Hanzo’s, to look at Hanzo’s dark eyes and maybe close them with a kiss. Jesse’s lips were dry. His heart hammered in his chest.

In the end, he did none of that. Jesse got up and took out the thermos. He poured Hanzo a cup of cocoa, which Hanzo finished off quickly, trying to look like he didn’t enjoy the sweet beverage at all.

After a while, the serape had became bundled up in their lap. Hanzo took it and –Jesse’s heart stopped– wrapped it around the both of them, pulling them closer to each other.

Jesse certainly wasn’t looking at the stars anymore.

Hanzo caught his eyes. Their faces were barely inches away from each other. Soft puffs of breaths ghosted across cheeks. They just sat with their eyes locked.

Finally, the position got a little too uncomfortable, so Hanzo shifted and started to lay down. Jesse’s body copied Hanzo’s motion, and laid on his side. Their eyes never left each other.

Neither said anything. Neither asked why. Jesse didn’t think about what could happen, just that he couldn’t take his eyes away from Hanzo at that moment.

There he was: lying on his side with Hanzo. Not touching in the slightest but feeling incredibly intimate. Neither of them stopped for one second to wonder what an odd thing this was.

Sometime into the night, the sound of leaves rustling was mixed with the sound of raindrops. They both turned away to look at the sky, and together they watched the last stars disappear into the clouds.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much who left Kudos and comments, every one of them made my day!!  
> Thank you to utuki for beta-ing this, and for leaving nice words and giving me suggestions and helping me find my mistakes, just, generally improving my writing, thank you so much.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who commented and left kudos!!Each of them made my day a whole lot better :D!!
> 
> The wonderful yandereycat has drawn a beautiful art from chapter 5!! I'm blown away and I still think I haven't thank them enough;^; the art is[here](http://yandereycat.tumblr.com/post/151999509185/so-ive-been-reading-to-the-great-deep-he-goes-by) (and just look through their whole blog tbh...I love their art style...)
> 
> Huge thank you to [Utuki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/utuki) for taking the time to bata and give me suggestions!! Thank you so much
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://overshits.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/kallanatAlland)

“Here’s your thermos back, Lena. Thanks a million.” Jesse stood in front of Lena’s door, handing over her thermos.

“No problem!” Lena bounced on her heels. “Hey! Did I ever ask you what you needed it for?”

“Uh…” Jesse struggled to make up something. “Yeah, you totally did. You don’t remember?”

“Huh! I’ve must’ve forgotten,” Lena replied, and Jesse prayed silently she wouldn’t keep asking. “Hey, wanna see me do a cool trick?”

Jesse blinked, not expecting the change of subject, but he wasn’t going to complain about it. “Sure.”

Lena motioned for him to come inside. The woman’s room was different from his, and instead of having two regular beds, Lena’s room had two bunk beds with desks and wardrobes fitted underneath. There were papers everywhere, and dozens of paper planes lying across the floor, on top of shelves, and one even stuck on the edge of one of the bunk beds.

Jesse was careful not to step on any of them and watched Lena pick up a paper plane and face the window.

“Watch this,” Lena said, pointing at a bin dangling from her bed. She gave it a shove and let it swing wildly.

Lena took a second to aim, and launched the plane. The plane hit the floor by their feet with a sad “swoosh”.

Jesse looked up from the plane, unable to keep the grin from forming.

“Shut up,” Lena handed him a new plane. “Why don’t you try, then!”

Jesse took the plane and winked at his friend, “Watch and learn, pretty lady.”

Jesse walked to where Lena was standing, and let the plane fly, all without aiming.

The plane flew across the room and landed in the bin as it swung to the right.

Jesse let out a triumphant shout of “Can’t believe that worked!” as Lena yelled “Bollocks!” behind him.

“Lucky shot!” Lena laughed.

“A man like me don’t need no luck,” Jesse tucked his thumbs into his belt as he struck a pose.

Lena ignored him. She jumped and got the plane that was stuck on the side of her bed and readied her position again. She missed again.

Jesse took another shot and he missed as well. He scowled.

“Ha! Told you it was just a lucky shot!” Lena shouted, punching him on the shoulder.

Jesse had originaly intended to return Lena her thermos, but he ended up staying in her room making more paper planes and trying trick shots. Eventually they both got better and landed their shots in the bin.

They left the door open, so about an hour later there was a small crowd gathered outside of Lena’s room. Lena handed out papers so other students could fold their own planes too.

Two hours later, there were planes across every surface of their fifth floor dorm. Lúcio even opened up his door from across Lena’s room so they could shoot planes into the small basketball basket in his room. The crowd cheered whenever someone made a cool shot.

Jesse was trying to shoot a plane into Jamison’s mouth when he heard someone call Hanzo’s name. Jesse shoved the plane in Jamison’s mouth and hurried to Lena’s door, just in time to see Hanzo dodging a paper plane as he peered in.

His eyes met Jesse’s, and Jesse couldn’t help his own grin from stretching wide on his cheeks, to the point of hurting pleasantly.

Hanzo looked around the folly that was half of their dorm engaging in an intense contest of paper plane trick shots. He was almost smiling.

Someone threw a plane at a dazed Jesse, hitting him on the cheek.

 _That_ made Hanzo’s smile expand into a laugh, canine teeth poking out a little.

Jesse stumbled a little as he walked over to Hanzo, who gave Jesse a playful pinch on the cheek.

“I didn’t see you in our room,” Hanzo murmured. “And someone informed me that you were in the middle of something.”

Jesse scratched the back of his head sheepishly, “Yeah, me and Lena started a war.”

Hanzo chuckled, “I see. I should’ve known you would be responsible for this.”

Jesse laughed for the lack of other things to do, because he was far too distracted by Hanzo’s smile at the time to think of anything else to say.

“Nice hair tie,” Hanzo interrupted Jesses’ daydreaming.

“Huh?” Jesse blinked. Hanzo pointed at his forehead and Jesse remembered the hair tie with a plastic daisy on it that Lena had lent him to keep his bangs away from his eyes.

“Oh, yeah. I needed to focus,” Jesse tugged at the hair tie, feeling silly.

“Focus?”

“Yeah, this shit is hard,” Jesse gestured to all the people trying and failing.

Hanzo scoffed, “Paper planes? That is child’s play.”

Jesse cocked an eyebrow, “Ooo, is that so?” Jesse lowered his voice. He got a plane from a nearby bucket and leaned down.

He was feeling bold. Last night played again before his eyes like a movie. He could remember every little moment vividly, and with Hanzo this close, Jesse could pretend the heat from the dorm was actually from the heater of his car as he relived the moment. Hanzo’s short breaths ghosted past his neck. As Jesse leaned lower, Hanzo promptly stopped breathing.

Jesse imagined other ways of taking Hanzo’s breathe away, and the heat was suddenly unbearable. He wanted to kiss Hanzo, so damn much.

But there were students all around them, and Jesse wasn’t feeling _that_ bold.

Jesse leaned away and tucked the plane behind Hanzo’s ear. Hanzo was looking… well, impassive as he always was. But there was a slight hitch in his breath as Hanzo resumed breathing.

Jesse beamed as Hanzo scowled.

“Why don’t we have a look at your skills, then? If you’re so damn confident,” Jesse drawled and cocked his hips.

Hanzo looked like he wanted to say something extremely vile, but instead he just strode over to the middle of the room.

Hanzo tugged the plane from behind his ear and looked around for a bit, eventually setting his eyes on something across the hall in Lúcio’s room. Jesse crossed his arm and waited for the moment when he could pat Hanzo on the shoulder and tell him not to feel _too_ embarrassed.

Hanzo raised his hand and let the plane fly. It flew past the hall and grazed the top of Lena’s head and landed straight in a trashcan hidden behind a chair.

The crowd burst into wild cheer and surprised shouts. Jesse wasn’t even aware they were watching as his jaw dropped.

Hanzo was the one with his arms crossed now. He cocked his head to the side and smirked at Jesse, letting a low chuckle escape.

Jesse rushed to Hanzo and hugged him tightly. Hanzo’s arms were caught between his chest and Jesse’s awkwardly. Jesse didn’t mind it one bit, riding the high from watching Hanzo do an amazing trick shot. It was like watching Hanzo shoot an arrow live, except this was way more awesome because Jesse was attracted to dumb things.

He released a wide-eyed Hanzo. “Dude, you’re _amazing_!” Jesse exclaimed.

It took Hanzo a few second to respond with a weak “Thank you”. He allowed Jesse to continue to hold him while Jesse’s laughter shook him every which way.

The crowd asked Hanzo to do more, and much to Jesse’s surprise, he agreed. Jesse released Hanzo and the man let out a shuddering sigh.

Hanzo stepped out once more as students practically shoved planes into his face. But the only one he accepted was the one in Jesse’s hand, which made Jesse’s face flush with heat. Jesse’s chest swelled with a sense satisfaction that Hanzo chose his, however childish it seemed.  

Hanzo was amazing at landing any ridiculous shots, and creative in a way of thinking up places to land the planes that no one thought of. Jesse interrupted the show when Hanzo’s hair was getting fizzed by the humid heat caused by a large crowd shoved into a small space. Jesse took the hair tie and tied Hanzo’s hair in a bun for him, ignoring his own nervous shaking and the flush on the back of Hanzo’s neck.

After landing his plane in a passerby’s coffee mug, Hanzo called it an end, much to the crowd’s dismay.

“Aw, why’d you stop?” Jesse whined. “I’ve made more planes.”

“You have to quit while you’re ahead, a concept you people clearly don’t grasp.”

“Hanzo, we’re having fun. It ain’t a contest.”

“You call it a war.”

“I was joking!” Jesse laughed, reveling in the moment.

Hanzo couldn’t seem to fight the smile off his face as well. “It is fun,” he agreed. “But I’ll leave you to it. I still have studying to do.”

“Oh,” Jesse looked around the room. “Well, I’ll head back with you.”

“You do not have to –”

“Yeah, I don’t. But I’ve also been here for almost three hours, too.”

Jesse waved goodbye to Lena as they left the room. There were loud goodbyes and a few cheers shouted at the pair. Most of them praised Hanzo for his paper-airplane flying skills.

“Seems like you’re the new dorm celebrity.”

“Please,” Hanzo rolled his eyes.

“Just you wait, once I upload the videos to YouTube you’ll be an internet sensation.”

“And you will be featured in prime time news after I kill you for it.”

Their door shut behind them and the sounds of laughter became muffled. It wasn’t completely silent, but it was quiet enough for Jesse to start thinking _things_.

Last night hummed in the back of Jesse’s mind, a pleasant buzz in the quiet of their shared room. The comfortable silence on the drive back, same as the drive before, but with both of them sitting much closer to each other. An added intimacy, such as the way Hanzo stood close to Jesse as he unlocked the door to their room.

The hushed “goodnight” sounded almost fond.

Hanzo pulled out his chair and sat down. The sunny daisy-shaped hair tie outlined a sharp contrast to his black hair and hard features.

Jesse leaned his back on the door, face tilted towards the ceiling. He enjoyed the consuming flutter that burst in his chest and did not bother to stop the smile from covering his face.

His hat fell to the floor as he pushed himself up, but Jesse paid it no mind. He walked over to his desk and pulled his chair out.

Hanzo studied. Jesse did not. They were both distracted.

 

．．．．．

 

Jesse knocked on Genji’s door the next night after he had eaten dinner and made sure Hanzo was still in the library.

Genji opened the door, surprise written across his face. They haven’t really talked since the time when Jesse had his mini melt down.

“Hi,” Jesse grinned.

“Hi,” Genji said, although he looked so dejected Jesse wanted to punch himself for snapping at him.

“Is Zenyatta in there?” Jesse asked. Both of them were aware his actual question was if Genji would let him in.

Genji nodded, stepping aside and letting Jesse in. Jesse sat on the edge of Genji’s bed while Genji sat at his desk. Opened textbooks and notes were spread all over Genji’s desk, and there were even Post-it notes stuck all over the wall. Sometimes Jesse forgets how much of a perfectionist Genji was, just like Hanzo.

Genji’s green hair was disheveled, and his face was bare. A headband kept his bangs from falling into his eyes. All in all, Genji looked tired.

At that moment, Genji let out a yawn. Jesse snickered.

Genji peered over at him, “What brings you here?” he asked.

Jesse sighed. Before he said anything about Hanzo, he wanted to apologize to Genji.

“I’m, uh, sorry about the other day,” Jesse scratched his chin. “I didn’t mean to snap at ya, just feeling a bit down. Not that it’s any excuse.”

Genji didn’t say anything at first. Eventually he sighed too. “It’s fine. I haven’t even thought too much about that.”

“Yeah, that’s good to hear. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

They fell into silence again. Jesse chewed on his bottom lip.

“I think I may have a chance,” Jesse said.

Genji slowly turned to him. He nudged his hands, telling him to continue.

“With Hanzo,” Jesse thought back to that one night. The look Hanzo gave him after Jesse told him about his family. And later how Hanzo’s warm brown eyes on his cold face had burned into Jesse’s heart.

Genji perked up. “Yeah?” he smiled.

“Yeah,” Jesse beamed.

“When are you going to tell him?”

“Maybe –”

“Don’t wait,” Genji interrupted. “There’s no point in waiting. Just tell him, as soon as you can, yeah?”

“Okay,” Jesse agreed again, though this time he also let out a shuddered breath. His chest was tight with nervousness, now that there was finally a time set.

Genji nodded, giving Jesse a tight smile. His eyes looked past Jesse, unfocused. Looking just as nervous as Jesse felt – when did Genji’s smile turn into this?

It was not hard to tell there was something Genji was keeping back from him, but honestly, Jesse didn’t really care. He was still filled with nervousness and excitement and the high of _what could happen_ – Jesse pulled his hat over his face, laughing happily.

“You think it’ll work, right?” Jesse asked, hiding his blush behind his hat. Genji hummed.

Jesse left after that, back to his room. He sprawled across the bed, felt like he needed extra strength to suck in every breath.

Eventually, Jesse wasn’t sure how long, Hanzo came back. The sound of the doorknob turning and the soft click of the door shutting made Jesse’s heart jump to his throat.

Jesse sat up and crossed his legs to see Hanzo pulling the sweater Jesse gave over his head. Since Hanzo refused to wear that sweater in public he opted to just wear it in the privacy of their room, which made Jesse irrationally happy that Hanzo would find ways to wear it. Even if he thought it was stupid.

Hanzo climbed into bed and was looking over his class notes, a thing he did when he was too tired to study properly, but still felt like he should be doing anyway.

Jesse crossed the small gap between their beds and Hanzo scooted over to give Jesse space without his eyes leaving his notes. Jesse just sat there, cross-legged, back straight, hands gripping his ankles and grinning.

Hanzo peered at him from underneath his lashes, and frowned when he saw Jesse’s grin.

“What did you do?” Hanzo asked, suspicious.

“I didn’t do anything!” Jesse gasped, palm covering his heart as he feigned hurt.

The corner of Hanzo’s lips twitched as the man fought down a smile. Jesse could feel his heart speed up through his palm.

Jesse slowly lowered his hand, his eyes locked with Hanzo’s.

His pinky touched Hanzo’s hand, and Hanzo’s eyes snapped up to look at it.

Jesse tugged his fingers between Hanzo’s, testing.

Hanzo’s fingers twitched and spread, curling around Jesse’s. He bit his lips and squeezed his eyes shut for a brief moment.

When he opened his eyes, Hanzo was looking at him, eyes wide. Jesse realized he had unconsciously leaned towards Hanzo.

There was no going back now. Jesse titled his head to the side and smiled at Hanzo fondly. His other hand reached up to brush the hair that fell out of Hanzo’s ponytail behind his ear. He left his hand there.

Jesse traced his fingertips along Hanzo’s jawline. His eyes finally left Hanzo’s as he followed his finger’s movement, coming to a stop at his bottom lip.

Hanzo parted his lips slightly. Jesse’s thumb grazed across the slightly chapped skin. The cold weather had dried it, and Jesse would warm it up.

“Jesse,” Hanzo whispered, his name came out of the parted lips with a short exhale.

Jesse couldn’t help it, he laughed a little. It was a breathless laugh. He nuzzled his nose against Hanzo’s, intended to drag this moment out for as long as he could.

Jesse wanted to kiss him, so fucking badly. There was a certain sweetness in the anticipation of it – where their breaths both hitched a little whenever their lips got too close and the sigh that ran through them ghosted past.

“Hanzo,” Jesse whispered, “Hanzo, Hanzo, I like you so much.”

Hanzo didn’t say anything. He parted his lips even more. Jesse could feel the shuddering breath Hanzo took on his cheek. Hanzo pressed his lips against the side of Jesse’s face, an open-mouth kiss. Jesse felt the drag of lips as Hanzo closed his mouth.

“Hanzo,” Jesse tilted his head back a little, somehow ended up being gently ravished instead of the other way around like he had planned. “You’re so good to me.”

Jesse soon realized this was the wrong thing to say. Hanzo shifted and stopped.

Jesse turned, and saw Hanzo staring at the wall blankly, face pale.

Jesse was still panting lightly, but Hanzo had already calmed down. Like a switch, _tick_.

And with that tick, Hanzo squared his shoulder and leaned back. Jesse thought this felt similar, with Hanzo’s blank look and that stupid sweater and how he’s getting up –

“Wait!” Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s hand before he could untangle their joined hands completely. Jesse’s heart tremored for an entirely different reason now. “What… what did…”

Jesse couldn’t finish. Hanzo wasn’t looking at him. Jesse reached over to grab Hanzo’s shoulder only for the other man to shrug him off.

It hurt more than Jesse thought it would. Hanzo sat up on the edge of his bed, back to Jesse.

“Hanzo,” Jesse jerked up at the same time Hanzo got to his feet. “Did I do something? I’m sor –”

“Don’t” Hanzo spat. “Do not apologize.”

Hanzo walked straight out the door, in that ridiculous sweater just as before. He left Jesse frozen on the spot, clueless as to what he just did, just like before. Fuck.

But unlike before, Jesse didn’t wallow in doubt. At least, not for an entire day.

It took him ten minutes to remember if Hanzo wasn’t coming back, he was probably crashing at Genji’s room. Jesse ran out and down to Genji’s room, banging on his door, not giving a shit that it was almost midnight.

The door opened immediately, Genji’s irritated face peeked through the gap. “Dude, what the fuck?”

Jesse shoved the door open and looked inside. Dread pooled in his stomach.

“What the hell?” Genji grabbed Jesse’s collar and hauled him back. “What’s –”

“Where’s Hanzo?” Jesse demanded.

Genji didn’t answer. Probably because he didn’t know. But he appeared to know what led Jesse here.

Genji looked pissed, a sudden shift in his eyes and he let out a string of curses.

Zenyatta was at Genji’s side in a heartbeat – Jesse didn’t even realize he was in the room.

The monk gently took Genji’s hands in his, enveloped them. He was murmuring something to Genji, too soft to hear, too fluid to sound like English.

Genji nodded. Zenyatta gave Genji a final squeeze, and went out the door.

Jesse’s gaze followed Zenyatta’s figure, feeling guilt in the midst of his panic. “I didn’t mean to drive him away.”

Genji shook his head. “It’s fine. He always meditated outdoor anyways.”

Genji didn’t sit down and he didn’t invite Jesse to sit either, not that he could anyway. He was too jittery to do so.

Jesse didn’t wait for Genji to ask.

“Jesus, Genji, you gotta help me out. One second it was like we’re finally going somewhere and the next he’s fucking out of the room!”

There was a look on Genji’s face that Jesse couldn’t place.

Finally, Genji squeezed his eyes shut. “Motherfucker,” Genji punched the pillow and held it to his chest. He was slightly bent over, breathing heavily.

“I fucking knew this would happen,” Genji said.

“ _What_ ?” Jesse couldn’t help his outburst. “What the fuck do you mean _you knew_? And you didn’t tell me? Just let me fuck everything up?”

Genji either didn’t pay Jesse any mind, or he just didn’t know how to respond. “God, he’s such a fucking asshole!”

“What? What the hell is going on?” Confusion steeped through his anger and panic.

“He’s like this, like a fucking mopey piece of shit!” Genji raised his voice. Jesse spared a brief second to realize he actually never seen Genji angry before, let alone directed towards Hanzo. “Thinking he doesn’t deserve shit, despite how hard I try!”

“What the fuck are you on about, Genji?”

Genji barked a laugh. His eyes were rimmed red but dry. “He doesn’t want people to know, and I usually just make up crap, y’know?”

“No, I don’t.” Jesse pressed. “Genji –”

“And I’m telling you now, okay? Because fuck this shit.” Genji slumped down on Zenyatta’s bed and gestured for Jesse to sit on his. Genji was smiling, and it gave Jesse chills. “I’m telling you now, but you can’t tell anyone else. Or I’ll make sure you never see your arms again, yeah?”

Jesse had a feeling this wasn’t the first time Genji had threatened people.

“Okay,” Jesse gulped. “Tell me what?”

“Why Hanzo is such a little bitch.”

Jesse laughed despite everything. “Well, I already know _that_.”

“Trust me, he wasn’t this bad before.” Genji didn’t laugh with Jesse. He crossed his legs and leaned his elbows on his knees, head on his fists. “It’s about how I got my scars.”

Jesse stilled.

Genji rubbed his fist against his forehead, like he was fighting a headache. Maybe it was an ache that was entirely different, but hummed painfully all the same.

“Our family…”Genji started, slowly, unsurely, “is a business family, where we would rather keep secrets to ourselves than let anyone know. The family has been raising Hanzo and me with every intention of having us take over when my parents retire.”

Genji shook his head, still not looking at Jesse. He kept shaking. “I don’t want to run a big enterprise. Hanzo wants to – or at least he says he wants to. But sometimes I’m not sure he knows what he wants.”

“Maybe it’s selfish of me, but before, I always thought that if Hanzo wanted to be part of the family business, then fantastic. Less for me to do then. You would think that if one of us was willing to do the job they would leave the other one alone.” Genji laughed, a short and stuff ha-ha.

“But the thing is, it’s a _family business_ . So it means everyone, as long as you’re in the family, gets a fucking say in this even though it’s none of their fucking business. Aunts, uncles, your aunt’s cousin’s uncle – fucking everyone! Gets a say in how my parents should raise me and my brother! At first it was fine, we were still young and weren’t included in the discussions yet. As soon as we both hit high school, though, they wanted me and Hanzo to treat each other as _business partners_.”

“Sometimes I get a really dreadful feeling. If our parents actually raised us like we were partners instead of brothers, would I have a brother at all?”

Jesse didn’t say anything when he saw Genji suddenly rub the tears on his cheek.

“I’m rambling,” Genji murmured, and the way he sounded and looked reminded Jesse of when he was talking about his own family. Maybe family does this to you, Jesse guessed, no matter how different each story was.

“You’re not,” Jesse said softly, “go on.”

Genji lowered his head once again. Jesse knew the feeling - how you don’t want to look at someone straight in the eyes when you’re spilling your guts out.

“It’s so fucking savage how your family can tear itself apart in a few years. They were putting so much pressure on us that I could tell just how much Hanzo was suffocating. I was getting more stupid and bold. They kept blaming our parents for our failures and our parents started blaming Hanzo for my behavior. God, you have no idea how tense it was between Hanzo and me.”

“It was one day when I got back home from hanging out with friends. Instead of having food and drinks ready for me to sober up, Hanzo had a fucking fit. That’s the day I realize I may have lost him.”

“We went to school in the morning as usual, but Hanzo was still so furious, and I wasn’t having it. We were fighting all the way, and –”

Genji paused. He rubbed his eyes with his fingertips.

“And, when we were waiting for the light. I said something really fucked up to Hanzo, and, uh, uh…” Genji lightly tapped his cheek, not for any particular reason, just so his trembling hands would have something to do. “He pushed me toward the road.”

Jesse seized up, horrified. An image flashed in his head, Genji falling backwards into the stream of cars, the shocked expression matching Jesse’s.

“A car hit me and my face smashed into its window. The driver hit the break, but swerved into the sidewalk, hitting a post with me still on the hood.”

“Jesus Christ,” Jesse’s hands were shaking.

“Yeah,” Genji let out a laugh, like he was relieved he finally finished. “Jesse, before I say anything else, you have to know. The accident was _entirely_ Hanzo’s fault, there’s no way around it. But everything else – everything that led to the accident _was not._ It was partly me, partly my parents and partly my family. The accident was an unfortunate result, and trust me, Hanzo had enough punishment.”

“I know,” Jesse said, still terribly shaken. “But he did - he didn’t mean it right? He wasn’t trying to hurt you? I...I mean…” Jesse’s voice wavered and he felt like he was heaving through every breath.

“No!” Genji’s unfocused eyes snapped to look at Jesse seriously. He stood up and grabbed Jesse’s shoulder. “For fuck’s sake, Hanzo had enough of that for himself already. Tell me you understand.”

“I do,” Jesse said. Stressing every word. “But Christ, Genji, you can’t blame me for being freaked out.”

Genji looked taken aback. He released his hands and sank back down.

“Sorry,” he murmured. “Sometimes I forget other people didn’t spend years thinking about this like I did.”

“It’s fine, Genji. Don’t go looking like that,” Jesse replied in a murmur as well.

Genji didn’t respond to that. He steered the subject back to his brother. “But Hanzo still thinks he hadn’t had enough, like he was on a mission to make his life as dull and unhappy as possible. He put all his mind into taking over the family business so I would never have to, and he believes he deserves nothing else than having me back. He still does. Do you get what I’m saying?”

Jesse nodded, even though he was still wrapping his mind around everything.

“Do you know why I want you and Hanzo to work out so fucking much?” Genji looked into Jesse’s eyes, hard. “I was hoping you could be the end of this – this thing he’s doing to himself.”

Jesse thought of when he first met Hanzo, how the other man always refused everyone’s offer. He only accepted Jesse’s because he was a persistent guy who had his mind set on getting to know Hanzo more, and he would pester Hanzo until he cracked. Hanzo knew a lot of people, but he only really hung out with Genji and Jesse, and studied with Satya like there was no tomorrow. Jesse thought of all this, and wondered for the first time, if there was more reason for this behavior than Hanzo being reclusive.

“But I don’t know where he is,” Jesse mumbled.

“He can’t hide forever,” Genji laughed.A little forced, and obviously trying not to dwell on what had happened in favor of what he wanted to happen. He took out his phone and checked the time. “In fact, let’s go to your room now.”

Jesse was still in a daze as Genji pulled him to his feet. They walked quietly back to his room. Only a few students were still up, their murmurs setting Jesse on edge.

Jesse unlocked the door and his heart skipped a beat.

Hanzo was on his bed, back to the door, obviously still awake, but making it clear he wasn’t in the mood for a talk. Genji disregarded it completely.

Genji slammed the door shut. Hanzo shook and turned, jerking upright when he saw his brother.

“Genji?” Hanzo’s eyes lingered on his brother’s face and moved to Jesse’s. His face hardened, and Jesse had to try his damn best not to falter under that accusing gaze.

“Hello brother,” Genji said cheekily, even though there were still tear streaks on his cheeks. Hanzo must have noticed it, too. His eyes widened with concern and Genji held up his palm.

“Save it,” Genji snapped. “I’ve told Jesse.”

There was a moment of silence as Jesse held his breath. He could feel Genji’s stillness too. Despite the younger brother’s attitude, Genji was obviously still nervous about Hanzo’s reaction.

Hanzo didn’t say anything. Five seconds, ten seconds. _Tick_.

Hanzo looked as if he was told a family member had passed. He desperately searched Genji’s face that maybe, just maybe, his brother was lying.

“No,” Hanzo kneeled on his bed. “No, _Genji_.”

“I’m sorry, Hanzo,” Genji sounded genuinely sorry, but his face was still stern.

“Genji, please,” Hanzo pleaded, as if it was still reversible, that he could convince Genji to change his mind.   

Jesse gasped and Genji made a choking noise as Hanzo palmed his eyes. Hanzo sucked in a shuddering breath.

“Hanzo,” Jesse hurried over to his side. Hanzo was still covering his eyes, but put down his hand as Jesse came near. He glared at Jesse with dry and red-rimmed eyes.

“Who do you think you are?” Hanzo got to his feet and shoved Jesse. Jesse stumbled back a few steps, shocked. “Nosing into other people’s privacy?”

“He didn’t!” Genji yelled. “It didn’t just happen to you, Hanzo! I want him to know, for your sake!”

“For my sake?” Hanzo asked, looking at Genji as if he was insane. “Listen to yourself!”

“No, you listen to me!” Genji stalked pass Jesse and shoved himself straight into Hanzo’s face. “I want you to think for yourself, and stop punishing yourself! I want you to stop tiptoeing around me, and not bend to my every whim! I want you to be happy!”

“I am happy,” Hanzo choked out, looking at his brother afflictively.

“Fucking god, Hanzo –”

“Fine, you want me to stop tiptoeing around you?” Hanzo snarled at Genji. “Then I’m asking you to leave, now.”

Genji opened his mouth to say something and Jesse stepped in, wanting this to stop . But Hanzo pushed Jesse away and continued to glare at his brother.

“Get out!”

Genji turned sharply. Too stubborn and hot-headed, the both of them, unwilling to back off.

Genji slammed the door once again. Somewhere down the hall a student shouted at them to shut up.

Hanzo was panting after his outburst, pained. His eyes were still red, and it made Jesse’s nose sting in the way where tears would start falling if he relax a little. He squeezed back the feeling.

“Hanzo,” Jesse managed softly, reaching over to lightly touch Hanzo’s shoulder.

“Do not touch me,” Hanzo sunk to his bed, shoulders slumped. Jesse ignored him and gripped Hanzo anyway. They were both shaking.

“This doesn’t change how I feel about you, Hanzo,” Jesse said, slowly kneeling down to Hanzo’s level.

Hanzo stared at the floor. “How could it not?” he murmured, tone so flat it burned Jesse eyes.

“It was an accident.”

“If you actually listened, you would know it was not.”

“Fine, but it was a mistake. For God’s sake, Hanzo. Everyone makes mistakes.”

“Mistake is when you forget a date or accidently wrote down the wrong answer on a test,” Hanzo replied. “Not – not hurting –”

Hanzo stopped himself from finishing. Jesse cupped the back of Hanzo’s neck, desperately hoping Hanzo would stop looking so sad. Hanzo reached to touch Jesse’s hand, then pulled back immediately.

“How can this work?” Hanzo started. “When you’re a good man who would never hurt his family and I’m – disgusting?”

Jesse drew a sharp breath, reeling back. His restraint finally snapped. His face grew hot and anger bubbled in his chest.

“You better fucking take that back, Shimada,” Jesse said, quiet, with a hint of ferocity. “Don’t you ever say that again.”

Hanzo finally lifted his face, and Jesse softened immediately. Jesse tried pulling him close, but Hanzo resisted, so Jesse leaned in instead.

Hanzo refused. He pushed Jesse away.

“Hanzo, please,” Jesse smiled weakly.

“I’m sorry,” Hanzo touched Jesse’s cheeks lightly.

Hanzo got up and grabbed his backpack, and for the second time that day, left Jesse feeling like he’d lost him.

Jesse didn’t bother asking Hanzo to stay.

Jesse crawled into Hanzo’s bed and laid there, looking at the snowflakes. He kicked his legs up like he always did. Jesse whistled his mother’s song, out of tune.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you guys tried whistling while crying? It fucks up your entire song


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while! There may be some mistake here and there, I just finished some very competitive Christmas board games lmao I'm so tired  
> It may still be Christmas for some of you, Merry Christmas!!!!! I hope you all had a good one!!<3
> 
> (You can find me on [Tumblr](http://overshits.tumblr.com/) and/or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/kallanatAlland) )
> 
> AND!! The wonderful yandereycat has drawn a beautiful art from chapter 5!! the art is [here](http://yandereycat.tumblr.com/post/151999509185/so-ive-been-reading-to-the-great-deep-he-goes-by) its so cute<3

Jesse woke up, shivering. He didn’t remember falling asleep.

The lights were still on, and the room was still empty. Jesse checked his phone. Three A.M., no texts or missed calls.

The dried tears on his cheeks cracked, a grim reminder of what happened not long ago - that Shimada Hanzo has officially become important enough for Jesse to cry over him.

Even though Jesse admitted he was someone who easily cried over a lot of things, he rarely cried for _someone_ , especially a _crush_.

(If he was crying over someone, then it could not be considered a crush anymore. Jesse sighed.)

Jesse got up, turned off the light. He lingered by the desks, leaving only his desk light on.

He climbed back into Hanzo’s bed, pulled the blanket to his nose, and curled back into an uneasy sleep.

When Jesse woke up hours later, he texted Hanzo, not expecting an answer. He texted Genji, also hoping that maybe he would reply.

Jesse went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Eventually he felt a little better now that his mouth didn’t taste of two-day-old socks. Some students in the washroom commented on Jesse’s appearance, saying he looked “shittier than usual.”

“Thanks, appreciate it,” Jesse grumbled on his way out.

Texting with freezing fingers was a bad idea. It was slow and he made more typos than usual. Jesse deleted the words and started all over again.

The result was unsatisfying for all the trouble he went though. He sent Hanzo four messages on his way to class and had his professor yell at him multiple times for checking his phone too frequently. By the time he finished the first lecture, there was still no response from Hanzo.

Jesse’s class wasn’t done for the day. His last lecture was in the afternoon and he knew Hanzo had classes until the evening. The safest way for Jesse to catch Hanzo was if he waited outside of Hanzo’s class. They were both adults, they should be able to talk this out _like adults_.

But as the end of Hanzo’s class approached, Jesse had to stop himself from turning and leaving. He couldn’t stop thinking about why Hanzo would choose to run as each second passed by. This was terrifying. His heart pounded like he was trying to kiss Hanzo all over again.

(He wondered why it was so similar, the feeling of kissing someone and confronting them.)

The bell rang and Jesse jolted up. Sounds of chairs scraping across floors and students talking erupted from the classrooms. The professor was yelling about readings to be done by next week, which meant Jesse had to wait until she finished talking because Hanzo never leaves before the professor.

There was a moment of pure panic when he waited and waited but still didn’t see Hanzo in the midst of the leaving students. For a moment, he worried that Hanzo wanted to avoid him so much that he _skipped class._

Finally, Hanzo’s face appeared in the doorway, looking just as tired as Jesse felt.

But he still looked so wonderful – not even the dark circle under his eyes or the story of Hanzo and Genji took that fluttering in Jesse’s stomach away.

Hanzo met his eyes and he grimaced, as if he was shocked of the inevitable. At least he wasn’t running.

Jesse held out his hand. Hanzo didn’t accept it. Jesse grabbed the corner of Hanzo’s university hoodie that he knew Hanzo didn’t own. It was oversized, and Jesse wondered briefly where Hanzo got it from. Must have been from whoever Hanzo stayed with last night. Jesse’s fingers tightened around the fabric, chastising himself for being jealous.

Hanzo let himself be pulled towards Jesse, but only for a little. Jesse let his hand slide down, gently grabbing Hanzo’s fingers.

“Hanzo,” Jesse said, and Hanzo’s eyes softened when he heard Jesse’s voice. Those eyes made Jesse’s heart melt. “You know we need to talk about what happened.”

Hanzo didn’t say anything, so Jesse continued.

“I meant what I said last night, Hanzo,” Jesse said. “You know that, right? Tell me you know.”

Hanzo squeezed his eyes shut. “Yes,” he replied. “I know. And I also meant what I said.”

“Hanzo…”

“I don’t need…I don’t want to be afraid that, one day, when the rush of the beginning of a relationship blows over, you will finally realize that I’m someone that is – that –”

Hanzo glanced around them. Jesse squeezed Hanzo’s fingers in his hands. Hanzo dropped to a whisper. His voice trembled. “That I have tried to…wanted to – harm my brother. And you will realize that you are better without me.”

Jesse wanted to say that he also wants to punch his sister all the time, out of reflex of wanting to comfort Hanzo, but he knew it wasn’t the same. His desire to pull his sister’s hair didn’t compare to Hanzo pushing his brother into danger. Jesse kept his mouth shut.

Hanzo’s words stung. “Do you really think I’ll do that to you?” Jesse asked, hurt in his voice.

Hanzo looked away, as if he didn’t know what to say.

“I thought a lot of things, like thinking you would respect my privacy,” Hanzo said stiffly. Jesse frowned.

“I didn’t know it was that important, and I didn’t ask about it!”

“Genji shouldn’t have told you.”

“Oh, so you’re blaming Genji now? Anyone but you?”

Hanzo snapped his hands away from Jesse’s grasp and Jesse let him. His own irritation and anger dissolved as soon as the words left his lips.

“You see?” Hanzo murmured dejectedly. “This is what I was talking about. If I anger you, you’ll just bring this up. You won’t be able to see me as anything else. From yesterday, after knowing what happened, I will always be the man who hurt his brother first, anything else second.”

“That’s not true,” Jesse’s heart sank. “I’m sorry – ”

“And I blame no one but me,” Hanzo held his own arms. “There’s no need for you to apologize.”

The same heartache from last night returned. He thought he could help Hanzo. Genji thought he could help Hanzo. Instead, he just let his mouth run like the fool he was.

“Sweet – ”

“Do not,” Hanzo hissed, “leave me be.”

“Hanzo,” Jesse corrected. “I’m sorry. Fuck. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Hanzo peered up at him, hurt written all over his face. It pained Jesse knowing he was the one that caused it. Hanzo looked hurt and miserable and worst of all, _understanding_.

Jesse hated that look, and he hated that it was caused by himself.

“I should go,” Hanzo said, turning away.

“Where are you going?” Jesse sputtered. “Aren’t you coming back?” _to our room?_

“No,” Hanzo said. “Don’t wait for me.”

“Jesus Christ, Hanzo,” Jesse followed. “Are you seriously not coming back because of this? Where will you sleep?”

“I have a place to stay.”

“Yeah, with me,” Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s arm and received a glare from the other man, as if Jesse’s words hurt him all over again.

“Just let me leave, Jesse,” Hanzo said. “At least for a while.”

“No,” Jesse shot back angrily. “How would I know you won’t avoid me forever?”

“That’s impossible.”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it possible.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“ _I’m_ being ridiculous?” Jesse exclaimed.

“Let this sit on your mind for a while,” Hanzo said coldly. “And you’ll know why this won’t work.”

Hanzo turned and walked down the hallway. Jesse let him leave, anger rising and prickling in his chest.

“Fuck you, Hanzo,” Jesse muttered under his breath. _You’re such an asshole, and I wish I didn’t like you this much._

 

．．．．．

 

Genji finally replied to Jesse’s messages, but avoided his questions about Hanzo. Assuming he’d been to his room, Jesse visited Genji’s room, but Zenyatta told him that Hanzo wasn’t there last night nor today. Jesse was once again left with no idea of what to do or where Hanzo was.

Jesse sulked to the kitchen and snapped the fridge door open, only to have the entire door detach from the fridge.

Jesse yelped and narrowly avoiding dropping the door on his feet. He gaped at the fridge and the door he was still holding in his hands.

“What the fuck,” Jesse murmured. He wasn’t _that_ angry, was he?

Lúcio came to his aid a few minutes later, saying he heard someone scream in the kitchen and thought that the door must have fallen off again.

“I didn’t scream,” Jesse said defensively. “I didn’t do this, did I? I don’t have the money to fix it and Ana will _kill_ me.”

“Nah, it’s been like this since the morning. The whole floor spent hours trying to fix it.” Lúcio replied. Well, at least that explained why the shelves of the door were empty.

“Why not ask Satya?”

“She’s been with Hanzo lately, so I – hey!”

Jesse grabbed Lúcio’s shoulder and stared at his friend intently. Lúcio tried to take a careful step back.

“Mc – McCree?”

“Hanzo’s been with Satya?” Jesse asked a little too ardently.

“Yeah, she told me they have a project due in two days or something. You alright, man?”

 _That_ was definitely something that tipped Jesse off. First of all, Hanzo did not share any classes with Satya this semester. Second, if they had a project together, it would have been done and revised ten times at least a month before the due date.

“Where’s Satya’s room?” Jesse asked.

“It’s 608,” Lúcio gave Jesse a concerned look. “Are you okay? You’re shaking.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine,” Jesse released Lúcio. “Catch up with you some other time, okay?”

Jesse ran to the elevator and pressed the sixth floor button furiously, as if it would speed up the ride.

Satya opened her door looking as neat as any tired college student tried to be. Long hair in a bun and glasses perched on her regal nose, she glared at Jesse for interrupting her study.

But as soon as Jesse asked about Hanzo, Satya’s glare melted.

“Yes, he’s staying with me,” she said. “But I can’t tell you where he is now. I promised him.”

Jesse tried not to look too hurt. “He made you promise not to tell me where he is?”

“He just needs some time.”

“That’s what they all say.”

“Yes, it is a horrible excuse for being scared,” Satya agreed, surprising Jesse.

“McCree, I can’t tell you where he is, but I can tell you he is with Genji,” Satya said. “And I can tell you that Genji is at the Café near the psychology building.”

Jesse could kiss her right there, but he doubted Satya would like that.

“Though I suggest,” Satya stopped Jesse from leaving right away, “that you don’t interrupt them. Let them finish talking.”

Jesse stared at Satya, and felt so immensely grateful at that moment he swore he could burst into tears.

Today has been just an emotional day, and Jesse felt exhausted, frustrated, and ready to break down.

“Thanks, Satya,” Jesse smiled tiredly at her. Satya nodded.

“Good luck,” she said.   

The walk to the small café was a slow one. It was crowded, and Jesse wondered why Hanzo would choose to talk to Genji here. Jesse lingered in the doorway, peering around the door frame, and saw his roommate and his brother sitting at a small table. Their heads were bowed low, and Genji was holding onto Hanzo’s hands. Hanzo’s back was to the door, and his shoulders were hunched.

No one paid the brothers any mind. Jesse thought that they must be conversing in their native tongue.

He waited as Satya asked him to. Shaking in the cold and couldn’t help himself for peering in the shop every few minutes. Hoping to see Hanzo looking back at him and at the same time don’t.

After ten agonizing minutes, he peered into the window, and jumped when Genji met his eyes.

Genji held his gaze for a while. Hanzo noticed this and turned.

And suddenly, Jesse was staring right at Hanzo, and He felt like he was intruding.

Jesse shuffled his feet uneasily as he watched the brothers approached. Genji waved at Jesse and turned to Hanzo.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” Genji asked, hopeful.

“Yes,” Hanzo replied quietly, staring looking at Jesse. Genji didn’t doesn’t seem to mind. He nodded and left. Jesse struggled to remember words that he had practiced in his head over and over again.

“I wasn’t…following…I mean…I was looking for you…but,” Jesse stuttered, flushing all the way to his ear.

Hanzo ran his fingers through his loose ponytail.

“I was…I wanted to talk to you,” Jesse said. “I want you to come back.”

“Jesse…” Hanzo finally teared his eyes away. “It would be better if we remain friends.”

“Jesus Christ, you’re still talking about on this?” Jesse dragged his palm down his face. “I’m sorry for what I said, I was pissed!”

“As you should be – ”

“Pissed that you won’t give us a chance, not for what happened between you and Genji!”

Hanzo groaned and . Rrubbed his temples. Hanzo wasn’t wearing his beanie that Genji got him.

“Are you getting a headache?” Jesse asked. He Jesse rubbed his palms until they were warm, and placed them on Hanzo’s temples. “You know you get a headache from the cold wind. Where’s your hat?”

Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s hand to pull them away, but Jesse persisted. “I am _not_ getting a headache.”

Hanzo pulled his hood up, and Jesse had no more reason to leave his hands there anymore.

Jesse didn’t know what to say, now that he thought about it. He’s already said what he wanted earlier today already. Jesse just felt like…he just…

He just doesn’t want to be alone in their room.

“How are you?” Hanzo asked quietly, and Jesse could tell Hanzo didn’t know what to say as well. But the question still felt like a punch to the guts.

“Yeah, you know. You yelled at me, you saidy you won’t come back, and the fridge door fell off. Today is the worst day I’ve had in a long time. Not that bad, really.”

Hanzo frowned, and for a second Jesse thought maybe Hanzo was going to apologize, or he was going to get angry again. But then he said: “The fridge door fell off?”

Jesse sighed. “Yeah.”

Hanzo continued to frown, acting so uncertain. He shifted his eyes, not wanting Jesse to touch him. After that night under the stars, after Hanzo gently kissed his Jesse’s cheek, the distance between them was suffocating.

“Hanzo,” Jesse started. “I’m sorry for what I said, really. How do I show you that I really do care, no matter what?”

“Jesse…” Hanzo covered his face with his sleeve. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You _will_ be disappointed. I will disappoint you. I’m not good for you.”

“You keep saying that, but you ain’t me, and you don’t get to decide for me,” Jesse said. “Stop trying to think for me.”

“You stubborn idiot,” Hanzo snapped back.

“Asshole!”

“Imbecile.”

“Jerk!”

“Dolt!”

“The fuck?” Jesse took a step closer to Hanzo. “Now you’re just shouting weird sounds!”

Hanzo made an irritated sound and pushed Jesse back a little.

“Leave, Jesse,” Hanzo stepped past him as a crowd of loud students exited the café. “Just let us think about it for a few days.”

Hanzo slipped into the crowd of students fluidly as Jesse started shouting some more colorful insults at his roommate. He went after him but bumped into one the girls in the crowd.

“What did you just call me?” the girl snarled at Jesse. He took a step back instinctively. He had trouble dealing with intimidating girls, too much like his sister, and Jesse never won against his sister…

Jesse looked pasts the girl, and Hanzo was nowhere to be found.

 

．．．．．

 

It only took Jesse less than a minute to calm the pissed-off girl down. His sweet-talk worked with strangers effectively enough. Jesse looked for Hanzo and once again wondered to himself why his roommate was so skilled at disappearing.

Hanzo wasn’t in their room. _Surprise, surprise,_ Jesse thought bitterly as he made way to Satya’s room.

Hanzo’s shock and angry face was enough to cheer Jesse up a bit, though it was quickly doused by the shouting match that followed. Satya and the rest of the sixth floor residents did not appreciate the noise, especially for a Friday night. Hanzo slammed the door in Jesse’s face as Lúcio dragged Jesse away from pounding at the door.

Jesse was dragged kicking and squirming down the hall and into a room, where he was dropped on the floor.

Jesse panted, glaring at the unimpressed girl sitting at her desk.

“Why is there a cowboy on my floor?” Sombra asked Lúcio, using her toe to push Jesse further away from her chair.

“Sorry, you’re the only one I know well enough on this floor,” Lúcio apologized, and Sombra just sighed dramatically.

“You two are lucky Amélie isn’t coming back tonight,” she said, already turning back to her computers. “Just don’t knock over any wires.”

“Why were you at Satya’s?” Jesse asked Lúcio.

“She texted me as soon as you showed up at her room. Jeez, what happened with you and Hanzo? You two were chummy just a while ago.”

Jesse groaned as he heard Sombra’s chair turning, obviously interested now that there’s gossip involved.

“The older Shimada?” Sombra laughed. “Couldn’t get him into your bed, McCree?”

Lúcio’s mouth dropped into a big “o”. Jesse glared at the girl, not even bothering to ask why she would know.

“Tell me,” Sombra leaned her elbows on the back of her chair. “What happened?”

“Like I would give you more stories for you to archive,” Jesse snapped.

“Aw, still mad I leaked your drunk Halloween pictures last year?” Sombra shrugged. “You should really learn to let go of grudges.”

“You should learn the meaning of privacy.”

“Like how you shouldn’t have nosed your way into the brothers’ history?”

Jesse jumped to his feet and stomped over to Sombra. He towered over the girl and snarled. Sombra didn’t faze one bit, resting her cheek on her knuckles.

“You better not tell anyone about what happened between them, Sombra. If anyone finds out, I will fucking break your computer.”

Sombra sighed, indifference evident in her whole composure. She pushed Jesse suddenly and he fell backwards onto her bed.

“Hey guys, calm down,” Lúcio said uneasily from the door, not sure if he was looking at another fight that was about to break out.

“You insult me, Jesse,” Sombra said. “First of all, I wouldn’t leave all my stuff only on my computer. Second, I wouldn’t be scared of you even if you managed to grow an actual beard. Third, I don’t just spread personal information of people without reason,” Sombra threw her head back a little and laughed. “Well, except for yours.”

“Dick,” Jesse sat glumly on his friend’s bed. Apparently he looked miserable enough for Sombra to go easy on him, because she didn’t continue her train of insults.

“Besides, if I ever spread the story, I’ll have to worry about the Shimadas more than anyone else,” Sombra crossed her legs on her chair. Lúcio movde to sit next to Jesse, not asking what they were talking about. Bless him.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened if you don’t want to, Jesse,” Sombra said, with a rare touch of sincerity. He relaxed a little, and she continued, “I’m going to find out in a few minutes anyway.”

Jesse groaned.

“Don’t worry, I won’t do anything with it, since the whole sixth floor heard it already. Gossip will take care of the rest.”

Jesse fell face first onto the bed and screamed into the mattress. Lúcio patted his arm sympathetically.

“Sorry for whatever happened between you and Hanzo, man,” Lúcio said. “I hope you two talk it out soon.”

“From what you just saw, you think he wants to talk about it?” Jesse’s voice was muffled by the sheets. “He’s been avoiding me for a day now.”

“Try again tomorrow!” Lúcio encouraged. “It’s Saturday! You have the whole day to try.”

“As if I didn’t already spend twelve hours hunting Hanzo down.”

Lúcio gave a whistle. “You spent that much time just looking for him, huh?”

“The guy is like a fucking ninja when he wants to be! I wouldn’t even have found him today if Satya didn’t tell me.”

Sombra turned her attention back to them again. Jesse couldn’t see, but he could imagine her eyes rolling. “You are pathetic and I can’t stand you moping around on my bed. Just go back to your room, think about what you’re going to say, and I’ll tell you where the guy is tomorrow.”

Jesse wanted to hug her so badly for that, but he thought Sombra would probably appreciate it as much as Satya would, which was not very much, which would probably result in her spreading more embarrassing pictures of Jesse again.

“Can I stay in your room tonight?” Jesse pleaded with his best pout. He really didn’t want to spend another night in his room all alone.

But no matter how willing Sombra was to help Jesse with his moping, she wasn’t the type to coddle people.

“No,” Sombra replied without missing a beat. “Actually, I think – no. Get out of my room, you’re distracting me from work.”

Jesse grudgingly got up with a whine and made his way to the door. Lúcio and Sombra bumped fists before leaving.

“Well, I’d offer you a place to stay, but you can’t stand my roommate,” Lúcio said as they made their way back to their floor. When they passed Satya’s room, Jesse stood there for a while, trying to listen for any sounds of Hanzo. He didn’t hear any.

Jesse sighed. “Don’t worry about it man. I’m not gonna be good company tonight anyway.”

Jesse and Lúcio parted ways, and Jesse crawled back into Hanzo’s bed tiredly.

Jesse called his mother, knowing she would still be up working. He didn’t say anything about Hanzo and his mother didn’t ask. Jesse asked her about random things to listen to the sound of her soothing voice. Jesse quickly realized that asking his mother about washing clothes was a bad choice of keeping the conversation going because she knew nothing about it.

“You should ask your sister about that, hon,” his mother said.

And Jesse did. He called Jimena and he called Jacqueline. And Jesse called some friends that weren’t the type to keep in contact with each other, but didn’t mind an occasional surprised chat.

Jesse did all that just to talk to someone, because the person he wanted to talk to most wasn’t there.

 

．．．．．

 

Jesse woke up from his phone buzzing wildly. Heart pounding, he blinked blearily at the phone screen.

There were a lot of texts from Sombra, and after opening the text Jesse saw it was just a series of smiley faces - Sombra’s reaction at not getting a reply immediately.

 _“Stop it, I just woke up,”_ Jesse texted.

_“I just wanted you to know your roommate’s plan for today.”_

Jesse fell off the bed in shock. He reached for his charger and spaced out for a second.

His foot caught him in time so his face wouldn’t have to share an intimate moment with his floor first thing in the morning.

 _“He’s at the gym with his brother,”_ Sombra texted. _“Don’t do anything embarrassing. I will know about it, and I_ will _rub it in your face.”_

Jesse checked the time, it was ten in the morning – he still can’t believe Hanzo goes to the gym at ten in the morning on a Saturday.

But then he remembered that this has been Hanzo’s routine for a long time. Hanzo only stopped because of Jesse constantly dragging him out. This return to his old habits made Jesse’s throat tighten.

Jesse almost forgot to brush his teeth. He got to the elevator and turned back because he was still wearing his clothes from yesterday. He also forgot his room key, which may be a good excuse to convince Hanzo to come back to their room. However it was likely that Hanzo would just hand the keys to him and continue to sulk in Satya’s room.

After all he did to make himself seem mature and composed in front of Jesse, Hanzo really showed that he was anything but that these past few days.

Jesse shouldn’t be this surprised when Hanzo tried to hide himself behind some equipment when he spotted Jesse walking into the gym. Genji took a look at his brother and rolled his eyes, going up to greet Jesse.

“Hey man,” Genji punched Jesse’s shoulder lightly. “How’re you doing?”

“About as good as your roots look now,” Jesse said. “Which is awful by the way, if you haven’t noticed.”

Genji punched him for real this time. “Wow, that was so uncalled for! I have an appointment tomorrow, fuck you.”

Jesse laughed. Genji was actually looking a lot happier than he did a few days ago. His talk with Hanzo must have gone well.

“I’m assuming you’re here for Hanzo,” Genji looked pasts his shoulder, where Hanzo was pretending not to see them. “He’s uh…still a little ruffled.”

Jesse sighed. “Did he say anything about what happened?”

“A little…you know he’s not actually mad at you, right?”

“But he seemed very stubborn about not wanting to date me.”

Genji sighed. “He’s a dumbass who thinks you’re going to leave him once the excitement wear off.”

“And I’m the dumb ass who’s gonna spend the rest of my days here trying to convince him I won’t.”

“You’re both dumb asses,” Genji grinned , happily. “Match made in heaven.”

Genji dragged Jesse over to Hanzo, who was about  to slip away again if it weren’t for Genji’s fast reflexes. Hanzo turned around reluctantly, frowning. His hair was in a high ponytail, and messy from exercise. Hanzo’s cheeks were flushed.,  Jesse wasn’t sure if it was from the workout or the situation they are in now.

No one is happy about this.

“I feel like I’ve said everything I could,” Jesse said, self-conscious in a gym full of people who could hear them. “But I’ll say it again: what happened before won’t change how I feel about you or that fact that I want to be with you, Hanzo.”

Hanzo shrunk into himself, shoulders hunched, face low.

“God, Hanzo, would you stop being so weird about this?” Genji exclaimed behind them.

“It’s not my problem he doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Hanzo bristled.

“Dear Lord, Hanzo, we’ve been at this for two days!” Jesse gritted out. “Fine, you want me to prove it? I’ll do anything you ask to prove how serious I am, just say it, fuck.”

Hanzo narrowed his eyes at him, thinking. Genji shuffled behind Jesse.

“He’s going to make you pay for that promise, dude,” Genji whispered, eyebrows raised.

Jesse tilted his head back, but his eyes stayed on Hanzo. “I know.”

Hanzo’s eyes scan the gym and paused. He looked back at Jesse, a malicious smile spreading across his feature. “If you can’t do it, you’ll stop?”

“Sure,” Jesse lied.

“Okay,” Hanzo nodded. “Okay. I want you to spar with Zarya.”

“What?” Jesse balked. “That’s impossible,” he hissed.

“I didn’t say you have to win,” Hanzo crossed his arm, smirking. “Just last forty seconds in the ring with her.”

“Hanzo!” Genji said. “Thirty seconds.”

“I thought you were rooting for me!” Jesse said.

“I _am_ , that’s why I want you to come out alive,” Genji frowned.

“Well?” Hanzo tilted his head.

Jesse looked over at the boxing ring. Zarya just finished another round, her opponent out of the ring and collapsing into the arms of his friends. Jesse looked back at Hanzo, thinking just how much he wanted a chance with him.

“Fine,” Jesse hissed. “I’ll do it.”

Genji gave Jesse a look of reassurance. Hanzo just walked past Jesse and called,. “Zarya! McCree wants to have a match with you!”

Jesse hadn’t realized how many people were watching Zarya spar. Hanzo’s words roused a wave of cheers, and Jesse realized what a bad idea this was.

 _“Don’t do anything embarrassing,”_ Sombra’s words rang through his mind and Jesse half wondered why she expected anything less than embarrassing from him.

Jesse was ushered onto the ring just as Zarya finished a bottle of water in one go. She looked at Jesse and laughed. Jesse huffed and looked down at his baggy sweats and the small swell of his abdomen.

Ugh, he was _so_ dead.

“Shimada!” Zarya called. “Is this a joke?”

“Hey now,” Jesse held up his hand. “No need to be rude. Just-” he gulped, “just go easy on me.”

“Oh, I’ll do just that, cowboy,” she put on her headband. “Ready?”

“No,” Jesse said, but balled his fists up anyway.

Zarya charged at him and he froze.

“You said you’ll go easy on me – ”

Zarya threw a punch and he dodged it easily. The woman laughed, and immediately followed up with a left hook.

Jesse ducked, and the crowd cheered. He couldn’t tell if Hanzo and Genji were one of them.

Zarya tried to kick his waist and Jesse blocked it with his arm. Grabbing the opportunity, he threw a punch at Zarya’s shoulder.

His fist met solid muscle. Zarya merely stepped back and cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, what the fuck,” Jesse’s knuckles throbbed with dull pain, and the woman remained unfazed.

“Good one, McCree!” Zarya praised, and swiped her right leg at Jesse’s ankles.

He yelped as the crowd jeered up at the ring His back hit the mat and he nearly banged his head on it too. Jesse remembered his fights from high school in time to remind himself to tuck his chin in as he fell.

Jesse didn’t even have time to breathe before Zarya got his head trapped in-between her thighs, and Jesse was too deprived of air to enjoy what most people would consider a privilege.

“Give up!” Zarya bellowed, sounding way too cheerful.

“No!” Jesse yelled, “Genji! Fuck! How long left?!”

“Ten seconds left!” Genji yelled, sounding just as panicked as Jesse felt. “Hang in there!”

Jesse managed to get a punch on Zarya during his panicked flailing. It didn’t hurt her in the slightest, but she seemed to catch on that Jesse couldn’t stand it anymore, and backed off.

Jesse jumped to his feet, coughing. Zarya was bouncing around on her toes, fists still raised.

“Come on, McCree. One more!”

Jesse nodded weakly, and threw a punch. Zarya moved her head slightly to the left and jabbed his face.

The crowd shouted a pained “Ohh!” as her fist caught Jesse’s nose. He stumbled backward and fell onto his back once again.

The light blinded him and Hanzo was next to Jesse in an instant.

“You idiot!” he hissed.

Jesse saw stars. “What happened?” he said blearily as Hanzo put a palm behind his neck to help him up.

“Why didn’t you give up?” Hanzo cupped Jesse’s face and checked his nose. It didn’t feel like it was bleeding or broken, thank god, and Hanzo didn’t seem to find any signs that indicated it was serious.

“I wanted,” Jesse said, but his word slurred a little. “I really, really, really wanted a chance with you.”

Hanzo laughed, his eyes shining, but it may have been the light, because Hanzo blinked and it was gone.

“I can’t believe you went through with it,” Hanzo squeezed Jesse’s face. “I was only trying to make you stop asking.”

“And I was only trying to make you stop avoiding me too,” Jesse forced the words out of his mouth as gracefully as he could while Hanzo squeezed his face.

For a moment, Hanzo looked like he was going to kiss Jesse right there and then, in front of everyone. But someone clapped Jesse on the shoulder and shook him out of it.

“McCree! Pretty good!” Zarya said cheerfully. “You are going to be fine, I was careful not to break any bones,” she gave him another hard pat on the back. Jesse was pretty sure _that_ broke some bones.

“Thanks, Zarya,” Jesse wheezed and let his forehead fall onto Hanzo’s shoulder, panting. “I think I need a minute before I can get up, sweetheart.”

Genji and Hanzo helped Jesse into the infirmary. Angela took one look at them and sighed deeply.

“I was hoping today was going to be a slow day,” she said. “What are you doing at the _gym_ , Jesse?”

“It’s a long story,” Jesse replied.

Angela inspected his bruises and nose as Genji laughed and told her what happened. After making sure Jesse was alright after he got off the ring, Genji quickly started texting the incident to everyone he knew. Jesse wondered who would need Sombra when Genji was there telling gossip all the time already. Actually, she probably she got her intel from Genji.

Angela rubbed her temples as Genji finished up the story, looking at the very embarrassed Hanzo and Jesse. She grabbed a bandage and slapped it on Jesse’s nose.

“Ow!” Jesse shouted.

“Angela, angel, have mercy on me,” he said as Angela made sure the bandage was placed okay.

“This is not the first you have asked me that, and the answer remain - no mercy from me.”

Angela shooed them out of the infirmary and pleaded for them to stop getting into trouble.

Genji laughed and walked with a bounce in his steps. He turned and hugged Jesse and Hanzo.

“I’m so glad,” Genji said into their shoulders. “But I know you guys still need to talk it out, or kiss it out, or whatever.”

Genji stepped back and gave Jesse a grin. He then turned to Hanzo and said something in Japanese.

The brothers held gazes, and slowly, Hanzo nodded.

Genji left, leaving them at a dim corner by the infirmary. The students in the gym were just around the corner, but the noise faded into the background as Jesse refocused on Hanzo.

“I’m sorry,” Hanzo said, quietly, eyes averted.

Jesse didn’t respond, he didn’t know what to say.

But he tugged Hanzo close. The heat of just getting beat up burned even hotter with Hanzo in his arms. He wrapped his arms around him. “You said you’re not good for me,” Jesse muttered into his shoulders, “but I want to help you be better, for me, for Genji, and for yourself. Would you let me help?”

Hanzo remained silent. He shifted his face, pressed awkwardly against Jesse’s shoulder. He shifted to the right, and down, and finally, nestled his face in the warm crook of Jesse’s neck. His arms circled Jesse, and Jesse beamed, bringing Hanzo even closer. Hanzo held onto Jesse like he wanted to from the first day they’ve met.

“Is your nose alright?” Hanzo murmured against Jesse’s skin, warm breath ghosting past even warmer skin. Hanzo's lips trailed softly across the side of Jesse’s neck. Jesse sighed lowly upon the contact, pressing his face into Hanzo's crown.

“Sore, but I hardly feel the pain anymore,” Jesse said.

Hanzo’s lips pressed lightly against Jesse’s gentle heartbeat. Jesse lowered his face, forcing Hanzo to leave the crook of his neck.

Jesse’s eyes were closed before their lips even met. Hanzo tilted his face sideways, movement slow and gentle, and Jesse realized Hanzo was being careful as to not bump into his nose.

Jesse cupped Hanzo’s face, and pressed in, in, into Hanzo. He opened his mouth to breathe in and Jesse took the chance to gently kiss Hanzo’s bottom lip over and over again. Letting out a shuddering breath, Hanzo kissed back with a force that left Jesse weak in the knees.

Jesse didn’t know where his hands were. Or what his back was pressed against, or where the noise around them was from. At that moment, Jesse only knew that Hanzo’s soft sighs in between kisses were the most mellifluous sounds he’s ever heard, and that he felt incredible to hold in his arm. Jesse loved looking into Hanzo’s eyes every time they separated for air.

“This is long overdue, something I should have said to you long time ago, for many different things and many different occasions.” Hanzo’s thumbs caressed Jesse’s cheeks. He traced the corner of Jesse’s smile and pressed another kiss to them. Jesse shut his eyes again, slowly kissing back.

 “Thank you,” Hanzo said against Jesse’s lips. “Thank you for being friends with me. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for being so good to me.”

Jesse’s laugh was low and it cracked. His eyes stung.

Hanzo muttered soft words against Jesse’s lips, tone sweet and breathy.

Jesse tried to take everything in before opening his eyes, inhaling deeply. The bright lights from the gym reflected off Hanzo’s dark irises, gleaming and shining so brilliantly in the endless black. And for a moment, Jesse thought he was staring at the stars.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://overshits.tumblr.com/) and/or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/spiciestcibee?lang=zh-tw) !  
> thank you do much to utuki for betaing this and giving me suggestions and pointers!!  
> AND!!! The wonderful yandereycat has drawn a beautiful art from chapter 5!! the art is [here](http://yandereycat.tumblr.com/post/151999509185/so-ive-been-reading-to-the-great-deep-he-goes-by) ~~

 

Jesse woke up to the buzzing of his phone. He grabbed it from his pants pocket and wondered why he didn’t take it out before going to bed last night. When he checked the time it was eight twenty in the morning and Jesse never sets an alarm that early –

“I missed my class,” someone said.

Jesse blinked blearily at the back of that someone’s head. The mass of messy and curly black hair instantly brought his memories back.

“Hanzo,” Jesse murmured hoarsely, fondly. He tried to tug Hanzo away from the edge of the bed and back into his arms, but Hanzo stayed. “What’s that you said, babe?”

It took some time for Hanzo to respond. His roommate’s shoulders shot up as Hanzo curled into himself.

“I said, I missed my class.”

“Hmm…tragic.”

There was no response from Hanzo this time, placing his phone back into the mess that covered Jesse’s bedside table. Jesse blurrily thought: _So it was Hanzo’s alarm ringing…_

“Are you getting up, then?” Jesse asked, eyes still unable to open fully.

“No.”

“Then why in the world are you still all the way over there?”

Hanzo turned around, the bed creaked with his movements. Jesse lazily opened his arms, eyes closed.

“Come here.”

“You don’t have to…indulge me if you do not want to.”

“Indulge you?” Jesse cracked one of his eyes open slowly, not quite able to focus just yet. “Sweet cheeks, you know I love listening to your voice, right?”

“I don’t –”

“But right now I just really need you to shut up and get back here so I can hold you.”

Hanzo stared at Jesse, but Jesse closed his eyes. He was too tired and not ready to get up, nor lose Hanzo’s warmth just yet. His arms stayed open, waiting.

Eventually Hanzo snuggled back, and Jesse closed his arms around Hanzo tightly. Hanzo huffed a bit, sounded like he was having a hard time breathing properly in the embrace, so Jesse loosen his grip slightly.

Jesse didn’t remember falling back to sleep, but he did remember the soft kiss on his chin.

 

．．．．．

 

Jesse tried to reach to his bedside table for his phone, but something was blocking him. He pat his palm around, trying to locate his damn phone, and heard someone grunt.

“Stop it,” Hanzo groaned, swatting Jesse’s hand that was apparently lightly smacking Hanzo.

A jolt went through his body as Jesse snapped awake, meeting Hanzo’s eyes.

Hanzo did not share the wide-eye expression Jesse was making at that moment. He only curled back into Jesse’s arms with a sigh.

Although Jesse couldn’t see Hanzo’s face anymore, the even, soothing warm breath against his shirt made up for it. Jesse tugged him close and Hanzo shifted his position, pressing his cheek against Jesse’s chest.

“Good morning, Jesse,” Hanzo said.

Jesse’s grin were all toothy and stretched to its max. He hugged Hanzo tightly, rolled them around on the tiny dorm bed for a little bit. Hanzo’s muffled when his face got pressed into Jesse’s chest.

“Mornin’, Hanzo,” Jesse kissed Hanzo’s crown, and then his temple and then – Hanzo’s smile.

Hanzo hummed as he stopped laughing and kissed Jesse back. He climbed on top of Jesse and held Jesse’s face in his palms without breaking the kiss. It made Jesse moaned softly, and he immediately got embarrassed. But that seemed to spur Hanzo on, who pressed further into Jesse’s lips.

They broke with a wet pop, and Jesse dragged Hanzo down right away because, God, did that kiss feel amazing –

His roommate’s fingers found its way into Jesse’s hair, his palm flattening against the back of Jesse’s head. Jesse curled his shoulders up at the pleasant feeling of fingers combing through his hair, but then Hanzo stopped the kiss abruptly.

“Hanzo – ” Jesse panted, leaning up to chase the kiss. Hanzo dipped and pressed his face to Jesse’s cheek, mouthing the skin underneath Jesse’s earlobe. His fingers grabbed a handful of Jesse’s hair and _tugged_.

Jesse gasped, his head reflexively bent back, leaving more space for Hanzo to bury his face into the crook between Jesse’s jawline and his ear. Hanzo kissed opened-mouth and hard, with the occasional teeth and tongue behind Jesse’s ear.

“Good Lord – ” Jesse couldn’t help but bend his legs, drawing his knees up and pressing them against Hanzo’s side. Jesse wrapped his arm around Hanzo’s back and dug the tips of his finger in. He was expecting to feel hard muscle (what with all the work out Hanzo does), instead Jesse’s fingers sunk into soft skin. It felt like Jesse was pressing in forever before his fingertips finally met solid muscles. _Good Lord indeed…_

Hanzo hummed and made little noises through his nose, now just consistently sucking behind Jesse’s ear. Which was when Jesse realized with a twist of arousal in his lower stomach that Hanzo _was trying to give him hickeys._

Jesse’s breath hitched in his throat as he sputtered noises nervously.

Hanzo’s lips and teeth dragged on the skin. Jesse already felt the pleasant thrum, the hotness of the spot reddening.

“Fuck…wow…” Jesse blushed furiously when Hanzo leaned back and tilted his head, looking at Jesse’s neck (presumably the hickey, holy shit, just thinking about it was making Jesse dizzy).

Hanzo’s lips curled into a satisfied grin and he dipped down again, leaving a quick kiss on that spot before grabbing Jesse and flipping them both.

The sudden change left Jesse unbalanced and he landed on top of Hanzo. Jesse leaned up on his elbow and didn’t even get a chance to catch his breath before Hanzo’s lips met his again. Jesse realized he didn’t really mind getting manhandled by Hanzo so much.

The kiss was messy and heated and hard. Just the two of them pressing into each other and nipping at anything they can get their teeth on. At one point Hanzo was even lightly sucking on Jesse’s tongue before backing off with an embarrassed grunt.

“Your breath tastes horrible,” Hanzo said, out of nowhere with a deadpan face. A laugh burst out of Jesse, surprised, and not a second later Hanzo’s lip was back, pressing against McCree’s in a sloppy, half languid and somehow still feverish kiss. Jesse moaned softly, not holding back his noises anymore.   

“Hm,” Hanzo mused in-between kisses. “We should get up.”

“Ugh, why?” Jesse pulled Hanzo up to meet his kiss.

“Because we –” Hanzo paused mid-sentence to press kisses along Jesse’s jaw that ended on his lips again. “We still have class later.”

“Skip it.”

“I can’t.”

Jesse wrapped his arms around Hanzo’s shoulder and Hanzo mirrored his action. He knew he was fighting a lost battle because Hanzo would never, ever skip class. Not when he had a pounding headache or only two hours of sleep. Certainly not when he already missed a class this morning. But Jesse persisted anyway, just for the heck of it.

“You can just look,” Jesse titled his face and gave Hanzo a hard kiss, pushing him into the sheets before speaking again, “Look…hm…look up the lecture at the school website…”

“It’s different.” Hanzo said, eyes closed blissfully. This time he didn’t even bother to pull away from the kiss before talking. Jesse pursed his lips and caught the kiss.

“’Course it is,” Jesse laughed. “Skip it.”

“Okay.”

Jesse snapped back in shock, eyebrows shot up. “What, really?”

Hanzo looked amused and irritated at the same time, arms tugging at Jesse. “I am skipping class so you could _keep kissing_ me, not so you could stop and ask me _why_.”

“Holy fuck, sweetheart,” Jesse let his body go limp on Hanzo. Hanzo laughed and hugged Jesse. “You took me by surprise,” Jesse murmured into the crook of Hanzo’s neck. He never thought it would be so comfortable just to cuddle.

“We have until three o’clock, then. There is still time,” Hanzo said, and Jesse laughed. He should know that skipping _one_ class was the extent of Hanzo’s nerves.

“Okay,” Jesse nuzzled Hanzo’s hair, which was a wild mess of curls from the bun he had yesterday and frizzles from their make out session. “We could get lunch, and…”

“And?”

“I dunno, kiss some more?”

“Jesse.”

“It’s a good idea…”

It took them twenty more minutes to finally get out of bed and get ready. When they were walking down the dorm hall to the cafeteria, Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s hand and winked at him.

Hanzo smiled at that. He seemed to be smiling at anything Jesse did now, and that made Jesse’s heart melt a little.

“Hey, McCree!” a girl peeked out of their door and shouted as they walked past. McCree (and Hanzo) looked back. “Heard you got into a fight and lost!”

McCree laughed and let go of Hanzo’s hand, looped his arm around his boyfriend’s waist and tugged him close. He could feel Hanzo doing the same with the addition of a kiss to Jesse’s cheek.

Despite his cool expression, Jesse’s face heated up at Hanzo’s public display of affection. “Well, I wouldn’t say it was a total loss,” Jesse winked at the girl and she let out of whistle.

“Damn,” she shook her head and mumbled under her breath, shutting the door.

The looks and questions they got on the short trip to the cafeteria was astonishing to both of them. So many “You two _weren’t_ together before?” “You two _got_ _together_?” and “McCree! I saw the fight on YouTube, brutal.”

“Don’t you wish people would stop gossiping?” Jesse grumbled to Hanzo as they got in line for food.

“You are just grumpy because everyone saw you get beat up,” Hanzo tied his hair up in a high ponytail.

“It was against Zarya, what did they expect…”

“Maybe more screaming?”

Jesse and Hanzo snapped around to see Genji, grinning with Satya behind him.

“Hanzo, your books are still in my room,” Satya said, a smile on her lips.

Hanzo flushed and Jesse laughed, scratching his jaw sheepishly. Yesterday, after the “fight”, Hanzo and Jesse walked around aimlessly, mostly just talking things out further. When it got dark they decided to swing by Satya’s room to pick up Hanzo’s stuff and turn in for the night. Hanzo texted Satya, telling her they were coming over, but never did.

“Sorry, we were…distracted,” Hanzo couldn’t even meet her eyes.

“I figured,” Satya hid her chuckled behind her hand. “You can come by any time to get it, my roommate will let you in if I’m not there.”

“Thank you,” Hanzo looked so mortified Jesse thought it might just take him a couple days to actually go and get his belongings.

“Do you guys have any plans for today then?” Genji asked after they sat down with their food. With a sly smile Genji rested his chin on his fist and looked at them pointedly.

“Well…we decided to skip class,” Hanzo said quietly. Jesse smiled at that, Hanzo was acting like Genji and Satya would judge him for skipping class (Genji skipped class all the time, and as long as it didn’t concern her, Satya didn’t care).

But to Jesse’s surprise – Genji and Satya were looking at them oddly. Almost like they were judging them, Jesse had thought –

“Uh,” Genji started. “You two do remember today is Sunday, right?”

No, Jesse certainly didn’t. He felt like an idiot. Hanzo obviously didn’t as well, but he just looked relieved that he hadn’t missed class.

“You guys seriously don’t know what day of the week it is?” Genji groaned dramatically and slumped in his seat. “I don’t even _want_ to know what you did last night for you to _forget the day._ ”

That got a reaction out of Hanzo alright. He bristled and flushed, “we didn’t do anything!”

“Nothing?”

“Well, something…”

“What thing?”

“I am not telling you!”

Jesse traded an amused smile with Satya. She shook her head at the bickering, “So, you got the whole day to yourselves now. Change of plan, maybe?”

Hanzo turned and looked at Jesse. Jesse smiled and shrugged. He would really be okay with just sitting in the cafeteria with Hanzo all day, but he didn’t want to say that in front of so many people (Genji and his big mouth equaled eight people).

Hanzo pushed his spaghetti around his plate, deep in thought about what he should do for the rest of the day.

“Aw, sweetheart,” he poked Hanzo’s waist, and Hanzo jerked away, glaring. “An unexpected free day! Think of all the – ” Jesse reached over to Hanzo’s plate with his fork and picked up some spaghetti, “ _Pasta_ bilities!”

Genji and Satya groaned, Genji’s mouth opened halfway, no doubt intending to yell at Jesse, and a burst of laughter interrupted him.

Everyone looked over to Hanzo, covering his mouth with both hands, and Jesse _flipped_.

“Oh my god!” Jesse laughed, doubling over. A snort escaped Hanzo’s lips, though his hands were still covering his mouth. “I made you _laugh_. With the worst pun ever!”

“It was funny,” Hanzo said, muffled. He sounded like he was smiling. Jesse laughed and tugged Hanzo’s hands away.

Hanzo _was_ smiling. Smiling big, showing teeth. He started laughing again.

Jesse couldn’t help but cup Hanzo’s face and lean in for a kiss. Hanzo didn’t kiss back (he was still laughing), but Jesse just kept kissing, making him laugh even harder.

“I’m starting to think joining them for lunch is a mistake,” Jesse heard Satya say to Genji.

“I think so too. Do you think they’ll even notice if we leave?’

“I think they’ll notice, but they just won’t care.”

Jesse didn’t care. He pulled Hanzo into another kiss.

 

．．．．．    

  

They went on a date.

Well – it was technically only them driving out of campus to some restaurant they randomly picked out. So it was like almost every other time they went out to have a meal together. But Jesse felt like it was different this time around. He even busted out his earring that he hadn’t wore since freshman year.

It was definitely a good decision, since he caught Hanzo staring at it. He made sure to meet Hanzo’s eyes the next time he caught him staring and winked at him.

To Jesse’s surprise, Hanzo smiled slyly, leaned over to the driver’s seat, and took Jesse’s earlobe between his teeth.

Jesse sucked in a shaky breath. _Okay_ , he was not expecting that.

Luckily, the light turned green and Hanzo sat back, apparently deciding that he shouldn’t distract the driver. And what he was doing with his tongue was _very_ distracting to Jesse.    

“Oh my God,” Jesse murmured under his breath. A quick glance over to Hanzo showed that he was looking out the window, grinning widely.

Jesse thought Hanzo was going to take a little time to warm up, maybe act a little uncertain, maybe a little shy. And then Jesse remembered the hickey that was behind his ear and the blatant affection Hanzo showed in front of people. Apparently he was anything but shy in a relationship.

“Oh my God,” Jesse repeated. Hanzo chuckled.  

 

．．．．．

 

The next few weeks were fucking _blissful_.

Hanzo was at ease. Jesse wasn’t sure how to describe it. But he was less tense, he smiled more, he spent less time in the library and more time with his friends. More often than not people would run into them sitting in the dorm’s shared kitchen drinking hot chocolate at two in the morning.

“Ugh, do you two have to do this in public?” Sombra once commented when she came to their floor to borrow (steal) her friend’s (Jesse’s) energy drink for her late night work (Jesse still wasn’t sure what she does exactly).

Jesse just scooted closer, rested his head on Hanzo’s shoulder, grinned, and stared at Sombra until the woman shuffled away, grumbling under her breath.

Sometimes, however, Hanzo would get insecure again. He would have a sudden withdrawal from any show of affection, like he thought he was bothering Jesse by doing so.

Hanzo’s troubles didn’t magically get driven off mind after they got together. After so many years of having his own voice snuffed out by his own family, it would take more than a few weeks for Hanzo to feel like he could ask for what he wanted without feeling like a nuisance.

As much as he didn’t want to admit, Jesse was not good at this. “This” being, comforting people, serious relationships. He never knew what was the correct thing to say or do, he just went with his guts and hoped that he had helped somewhat.

Jesse believed, he could make a difference in Hanzo’s life if he was a constant. He didn’t always know exactly what to say or do. He was not good at a lot of things but damn was he good at being tenacious. Jesse was determined to stay with Hanzo through everything, so when Hanzo needed him, he would be there.

．．．．．

Jesse was woken up by Hanzo’s body heat.

Which shouldn’t have happened. The heating system in the student dorms was awful. Jesse and Hanzo used to have to pile on clothes before going to bed or else they were almost guaranteed to be woken up by the cold. Though since Jesse started sleeping on Hanzo’s bed, the cold was never a problem anymore.

Hanzo was still pressed up against Jesse, facing away. His skin felt hot and damp.

“Hanzo?” Jesse said hoarsely, his throat straining to form words. “Are you okay? You’re burning up.”

Hanzo’s breathe hitched, and he climbed out of bed. Jesse weakly pushed up on his elbow, trying to find Hanzo in their dark room.

“Where’re you going?” Jesse asked as Hanzo tugged on that ugly sweater Jesse got him.

“I’m going to get some water,” Hanzo replied. His voice sound even worse than Jesse’s, like sandpaper. Hanzo was also rubbing his temples.

“Are you having a headache?” Jesse asked, pushing up all the way now. “Let me –”

“No, no,” Hanzo said quickly. “Just go back to sleep, I’ll be right back.”

But Hanzo didn’t. After ten minutes of waiting, Jesse threw on a hoodie and grabbed Hanzo’s keys (Hanzo didn’t even remember to being it?).

Jesse saw the faint light peeking out of the kitchen doorway, and poked his head in to check, just in case it wasn’t Hanzo.

It was. Hanzo sat at one of the table, panting slightly, face in his hands.

“Hanzo?” Jesse walked over. Hanzo’s head slowly raised up, face red, eyes glassy.

“Jesse –” Hanzo’s words died when Jesse put a palm against Hanzo’s forehead and gasped.

“You’re burning!” Jesse pulled out a chair next to Hanzo and cupped Hanzo’s face. “Are you having a fever?”

Hanzo groaned and turned away. “I can’t – It’s probably just – ”

“Just what? You’re burning, your head hurts, your voice sounds like you’re dying, and you can’t even sit straight.” Jesse helped Hanzo sit upright and let Hanzo bury his face in Jesse’s shoulder. Jesse could feel the heat even through his thick hoodie.

“I can’t be having a fever,” Hanzo sounded strained, pained and panicked. “I have a test tomorrow, it counts as half of my final grade for that class. I can’t, I – ”

Hanzo was breathing harder and faster now, his whole body trembling. Jesse pulled Hanzo away and dipped his face, catching Hanzo’s lips.

It wasn’t really pleasant – Hanzo was still panicking and Jesse was at a loss of what to do.

“Hanzo,” Jesse whispered when they parted. Hanzo was still red in the face, but now he looked more confused than anything.

“You are going to get sick too, Jesse…” Hanzo murmured when Jesse leaned in for another kiss, but didn’t pull away.

Jesse hummed, focused on how hot Hanzo’s mouth and cheeks felt at the moment. Hanzo breathed in a shuddering breath, and suddenly backed away.

Jesse made a sound of dismay when Hanzo pulled away, but stopped as soon as he saw Hanzo’s expression. Hanzo covered his mouth and started coughing his lungs out. Jesse hurried to grab a mug and fill it up with warm water from the sink.

“Hanzo, sweet, do you need me to get you anything?” He rubbed Hanzo’s back. Hanzo wheezed, but managed to choke out some words.

“The green box in the fridge?” Jesse opened up the fridge and tried to locate a green box in the mess of products. He spotted something jammed in the back of Hanzo’s shelf. On it, some Japanese characters, and a sick, cartoony looking man drawn on it.

“This one?” he asked and Hanzo nodded. Hanzo pulled out a small packet from the box and tore it open. He dumped the content in, something made of white powder and smelled of lemon.

“What’s that?” Jesse asked.

Hanzo swirled his mug a little to mix the powder and water together, “It’s medicine for flu and fever,” Hanzo replied, taking a small sip.

“Does it work?”

“It’ll take the worst away, hopefully before my class tomorrow,” Hanzo said, his brows furrowed.

Jesse wrapped an arm around Hanzo, left a kiss on his temple. “Don’t worry, you’ll do great, fever or not.”

Hanzo huffed, but didn’t reply.

Later, they held each other close despite Hanzo’s burning heat. Staying under the blanket made both of them sweat, and Jesse was practically a walking furnace. But Hanzo was still worrying himself over the test tomorrow. Jesse tucked himself closer to Hanzo, hoping it will help a little.

 

．．．．．

 

The tea Hanzo made him was a blend of lemon, ginger and Manuka honey. It sounded okay, but in reality it tasted like shit.

Jesse swallowed the tea in his mouth and pressed his palms to his nose, blocking out more air than his stuffed nose already did. He held his breath and swallowed a few more times, trying to lessen the taste before he breathed again.

“That was pretty good,” Jesse choked out and coughed. Hanzo was watching him with amusement written all over his face. “Thanks, babe.”

“Your lying ability is atrocious,” Hanzo said, trading Jesse’s herbal tea for the green tea in his hand. It still wasn’t Jesse’s favorite, but at least it was just bitter water. “Get some rest.” He placed a soft kiss on Jesse’s cheek.

“No kiss on the lips?” Jesse pouted.

“I don’t want to get sick.”

“Even if I got sick from kissing you?”

“So let us end that cycle here,” Hanzo rolled his eyes and pinched the tip of Jesse’s nose before leaving.

Not three minutes later, Jesse was already taking out his phone and texting Hanzo.

_“Hey, when are u coming back?”_

_“I’ve only left for a few minutes, Jesse…”_

_“Yeah but im sick and stuck to the bed”_

_“I’ll be back after class in two hours.”_

Jesse groaned, his head was killing him and he had to breathe through his mouth. Everything was uncomfortable enough for him to feel like waiting for two hours was going to be a literal torture.  

_“What should I do until then?”_

_“Sleep, rest, study, watch a movie, there’s a lot of things you could do.”_

_“there’s one thing I like to do rn ;))))))”_

The typing symbol for Hanzo pop up and off for a few times, and then it stayed for almost ten seconds, then abruptly stopped.

Jesse buried his face in his pillow and chuckled. Through his drowsiness Jesse noticed that his bedsheet and pillow case still smelled like fresh laundry ever since the last time he washed it. Now Jesse never bothered to sleep in his own bed anymore, although Hanzo still insisted on washing both their bedsheets. Eyes drooping, Jesse wondered when was the last time he lay in this bed.

(This brought back memories – of the night when Jesse’s nose was still sore from getting punched. Of the night when Hanzo’s eyes were constantly on him. They both stood at the foot of their beds, unsure of what to do. In the end they climbed into their own bed.

In the middle of the night Jesse woke up, feeling way too lonely for someone who just got his favorite person back. He climbed into Hanzo’s bed, lying on the edge. Hanzo didn’t open his eyes, but his hand reached out.

Jesse took it.)

Jesse was woken up from his half dream by the loud banging at his door. He groaned and croaked, “What?”

Laughter emitted from the other side of the door. “Whoa, you _do_ sound like shit.”

Jesse groaned louder. “What do you want, Genji?”

“Can’t I check on my _amigo_?”

“Please don’t say that ever again,” Jesse mumbled into his pillow, too weak to yell loud enough for Genji to hear. Then he heard the door unlocked and yelled despite his previous notion.

Genji walked in, grinning and waving the keys in his hands. “My brother gave me his spare keys when we moved in.”

“Don’t you ever do that again,” Jesse said. Thank god he was wearing clothes. “What if I was naked?”

“Then I would have to go through a lot of meditation sessions with Zenyatta to clear that image out of my head,” Genji said.

“God, you’re such an ass. What do you want?”

“I said! I was checking on you!”

“You didn’t know I was sick.”

Genji sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Hanzo asked me to. He said you stopped replying to his texts and wanted me to check if you didn’t choke or something. It was just him worrying himself to the point of freaking out.”

Jesse blushed and grabbed his phone. There were quite a few messages from Hanzo, and after opening them Jesse got even redder. Hanzo was replying to his flirting and he fell asleep. _Great job, Jesse McCree…_

Genji titled his head to the door and said: “anyway, get up, I’ll make you something to eat.”

It took some time and effort for Jesse to climb out of bed, but he was extremely hungry. By the time Genji put the “food” down in front of him Jesse thought he might as well have just stayed in bed.

Genji gave him a mug of lukewarm milk and an apple, and he didn’t even bother washing it for Jesse. So that was how Hanzo found them ten minutes later, with Jesse munching on an apple tiredly while Genji drinking a bottle of Jesse’s beer.

“Genji!” Hanzo hissed, and Jesse perked up. “I asked you to make him a meal, not just throw an apple in front of him!”

“What? Apples are healthy,” Genji said. “Also, I don’t know how to cook anything that’s in your fridge.”

Hanzo just sighed and hung his bag on the back of the chair next to Jesse and sat down. Immediately Jesse laid his head on Hanzo’s shoulder and Hanzo put a hand on both their foreheads to check their temperature.

“At least you don’t have a fever,” Hanzo said, dropping his hands and wrapping them around Jesse’s shoulders.

Jesse grunted. “Ugh, but I feel like shit…”

Hanzo laughed. “Well, you are sick. Do you want anything to eat?”

“Yeah,” Jesse replied, tiredly. “Yeah, sweetheart. Would you make me some of that soup?”

Genji’s eyes left his phone at this. “What soup?”

“The one with only veggies in it.”

“ _That_ soup?” Jesse saw Genji look over at Hanzo from his position on Hanzo’s shoulder. Some of Hanzo’s hair draped over Jesse’s face and blocked his vision, but he could see Genji beaming.

Jesse couldn’t see what face Hanzo was making, but he could imagine the death glare.

Genji sat back, laughed. “I’m glad to see my brother head over heels for you, Jesse.”

Jesse made a confused noise, and Hanzo groaned.

“Shut up, Genji.”

“I was just joking…”

Hanzo’s reply never reached Jesse’s ears. He had fallen asleep, feet tucked to his chest on the small chair, only kept upright by Hanzo’s embrace.

 

．．．．．

 

Jesse’s cold was nearly gone two days later with enough water and rest, both of which Hanzo made sure Jesse got plenty of. As soon as Jesse stopped coughing he was finally allowed to sleep in Hanzo’s bed again. Somehow he always thought Hanzo’s bed felt better than his own. He told himself he was just imagining the difference until Hanzo told him that he bought his own mattress and replaced the dorm issued one when he moved in.

The fact left Jesse laying there gaping at Hanzo. Which made Hanzo chuckled and pinched Jesse’s mouth shut, pressing a light kiss on his lips.

“No wonder it feels so nice,” Jesse splayed across the bed and his roommate. The other man laughed when Jesse’s hand brushed past his waist. “Hey, can we just sell both our beds and buy one big one?”

“I don’t think that’s allowed,” Hanzo said softly, finger tracing Jesse’s top lip. Jesse nipped at the finger lightly.

“And getting rid of the old mattress and replacing it with yours is okay?”

“I am doing whoever’s living here next a favor.”

“A good excuse you got there, sweetheart…”

Jesse was almost dozing off on Hanzo’s chest when he remembered something critical.

“Hanzo,” Jesse whispered. “Hanzo!”

“What?”

“Are you asleep?”

“Am I not talking to you?”

“Okay, just answer me this,” Jesse said. “What year were you born in?”

“2038.”

“Now, that year just became my favorite year.”

“Please don’t –”

“Because that's the year my sweetheart was born in,” Jesse insisted on finishing, feeling so incredibly pleased with himself. Hanzo couldn’t help but smile.

“You’re insufferable.” Hanzo said fondly.

“I try to be,” Jesse kissed Hanzo’s nose, “when's your birthday?”

“I am not going to tell you after that awful line.”

“Well, I’ll just ask Genji.”

“I highly doubt my brother knows my birthday.”

“How’s that possible?”

“He relies on social media notification for birthdays.”

“I remember all my sisters’ and my mama’s birthday.”

“You do seem like the type to remember birthdays.”

“What type is that?”

Hanzo looked at Jesse, seemingly considering whether or not he should say it.

Eventually, Hanzo closed his eyes and said “The sweet type.”

Jesse really hoped Hanzo couldn’t feel him blushing, because right now his face was so hot he suspected Hanzo felt the heat radiating off his skin.

“My birthday is March 16th,” Jesse blurted out, feeling really flushed and really happy and so full of a jumble mess of emotions he swore he could burst. “I used to hate telling people my birthdays because I’m always afraid that when it comes, no one would remember it. So if I don’t tell anyone, I wouldn’t have to find out.”

Jesse regretted it as soon as the words came out. This was such a big insecurity of his, he originally thought he would never tell _anyone,_ let alone Hanzo. And if Hanzo ever asked, Jesse would play it cool and say something like: _“Oh, that’s because I don’t care about birthdays.”_

And now it was out, Jesse was horrified.

Hanzo ran his fingers through Jesse’s hair, combing it and massaging his scalp lightly. His hands ran down Jesse’s sideburns and cupped his face, lifting it up to meet his eyes.

“March 16th?” Hanzo asked, and Jesse averted his eyes.

“Now, that day just became my favorite day,” Hanzo pulled Jesse into a kiss, “because that is the day Jesse McCree was born.”

Jesse pulled away and laughed, eyes and nose stinging a little. “Okay, now that I’m hearing it from someone else, I see how cheesy that line was.”

“Hmm,” Hanzo smiled, thumbs rubbing Jesse’s red cheeks. “Doesn’t make it any less true.”

Jesse kissed him. Hanzo gently took Jesse’s upper lip in-between his own and pulled lightly before pressing back into the kiss.

“March 16th,” Hanzo repeated. “I won’t forget.”

 

．．．．．

 

“A job?” Hanzo asked.

“Yeah,” Jesse scratched the back of his head. “A friend won’t be able to make it into work on Wednesday. He asked me if I could cover for him that day.”

“What about it?”

“Well, our movie date is on Wednesday.”

Hanzo frowned. “I thought it was at a bar? The shift starts that early?”

“Yeah…I need to go and prepare first.”

“Oh…” Hanzo looked like he was trying not to seem disappointed, but his expression went back to natural soon enough. “We could go another day.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Of course not,” Hanzo rolled his eyes, like he couldn’t believe Jesse would think that. “You are helping a friend.”

Wednesday came and Hanzo apparently had decided to stay in. Jesse climbed onto their bed where the man was reading and gave him a kiss. “I’ll be back really late, don’t wait up, okay?”

Hanzo nodded.

Jesse used to work at that bar, when he was a freshman. He had some experience mixing alcohol when he was in high school (for a group he’d rather not think about). A friend tried some drinks he made at a party and asked if he wanted to work at a college bar. And that’s how Jesse got his first job.

After a semester of working there, Jesse decided that he didn’t really feel like mixing drinks for hours and cleaning up vomit afterwards. This was going to be kind of weird, wearing his fitting black shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbow and back behind the bar again. The manager made him put his hair in a short ponytail.

It was actually nicer than Jesse thought it was going to be. He spent some time catching up with old coworkers while they were cleaning and setting up. However, as soon as people started pouring in Jesse was quickly reminded why he quit in the first place. The next few hours was just a nightmare of people shouting orders at Jesse and spilling the drinks as soon as they got it.

“Hey, psst, McCree!” one of the bartender elbowed him while he was mixing a Sex on the Beach. “Look, two hot dudes just walked in, I think one of them is your type.”

Jesse was just about to tell her that he had a boyfriend now when he saw Genji’s green hair near the doorway. Genji was standing on his tiptoe and spotted Jesse at the same time. He waved enthusiastically at him. Jesse’s hands were occupied by a glass and a mixer, so he just nodded back. Did that mean the one behind him was –?

Hanzo’s eyes met Jesse’s and Jesse almost dropped everything.   

Hanzo was wearing a tight fitting V neck black T-shirt showing his tattoo.

Jesse stared at the way the tattoo moved on the muscles as Hanzo crossed his arms across his chest.

“See?” his coworker said behind him, “told you he was your type.”

“Yeah,” Jesse let out a shaky breath, watching Hanzo approaching behind Genji. “Yeah.”

Genji led Hanzo through the crowd with practiced ease and somehow got them both a spot at the bar in front of Jesse. “This is a small bar,” Genji commented. “Pretty nice, though.”

“Ye-yeah,” Jesse replied, not even paying Genji any attention. The younger brother rolled his eyes. “What are you doing here, sweetheart?” Jesse asked.

Hanzo shrugged. “Genji wanted to go somewhere.”

“No, I didn’t” Genji said, giving Hanzo’s stool a kick. Neither Jesse nor Hanzo paid it any minds.

“He suggested a bar.”

“No, I suggested the taco truck outside of our dorm.”

“So I thought we could come here,” Hanzo finished.

“That’s not what happened,” Genji continued. “ _You_ wanted to –”

“Well, I’m glad you guys came,” Jesse said, eyes still not off of Hanzo.

“This is, literally,” Genji slapped the bar counter between Hanzo and Jesse repeatedly, “the first time I’m being ignored in a bar. At least give me a drink, McCree.”

Genji’s words reminded Jesse that he was still working. He tore his eyes away from Hanzo and finished the cocktail he was mixing and gave it to the irritated girl that was waiting. Then he turned back to the brothers. “What would you two like?”

“I’m going for the shots,” Genji said. “I want the rainbow colored ones.”

“Rum and coke,” Hanzo said.

“Sure thing, sweetheart,” Jesse said, leaning forward without thinking. Hanzo rested his elbows on the counter, and was also leaning forward.

“Don’t you have something to do, Jesse?” Genji said, pulling on Hanzo’s ponytail and forcing his brother to tilt back.

Jesse quickly turned and started to fix them the drinks as Hanzo argued with Genji in Japanese. It was probably a good thing that Genji interrupted him. He didn’t want to get into trouble by making out with his boyfriend in the middle of his shift.

Jesse really wanted to just stare at Hanzo in that shirt for the rest of the night, but he was paid to be there working, so he had to divert his attention to other (less important) customers. Jesse also made sure to do some tricks when someone ordered a particular complex cocktail, taking the chance to show off a little in front of Hanzo.

When Jesse finally had the chance to go back to check on Genji and Hanzo, they were nowhere to be seen.

“Hey, Victoria,” Jesse called one of the bartenders. “Did you see the two guys that were sitting here?”

“The green haired one?” she asked. Jesse nodded. “I think they went to a booth upstairs.”

“Oh,” Jesse said, craning his neck to see the stairs. The crowd was dying down, thankfully. “Do you mind if I leave for a bit?”

She shrugged. There were no more order at the moment. “People are leaving already, so go ahead.”

Jesse was only halfway up the stairs when someone grabbed him from behind. Jesse turned and found Hanzo looking up at him, frowning, hair in a mess.

“Hanzo?” Jesse stepped down and pulled Hanzo to the side. “Hi, babe, you okay?” Jesse rubbed the redness on Hanzo’s cheeks.

“I’m fine,” Hanzo mumbled, words slurred. He was a bit unsteady. Genji and Hanzo must have ordered a lot more drinks after Jesse went back to work.

“Why is your hair all messy?”

“That’s what happen when you walk though drunk crowds all night.”

Jesse laughed, trying to find the hair tie in the tangles of Hanzo’s hair. “I guess that’s true.” Jesse found it, and pulled it from Hanzo’s hair.

Hanzo’s hair fell, framing his face. He looked surprised, as if he didn’t know Jesse was going to do that.

Jesse worked some of the tangles out, pushed some of the hair to the back of Hanzo’s ear. Hanzo let him, quietly watching.

Eventually the tiredness from the alcohol seemed to have taken over, or Hanzo was just enjoying having his hair played with too much. Either way, he slumped on Jesse.

“Hanzo,” Jesse called softly. Hanzo replied with a soft noise. “Where’s Genji?”

“He went back already.”

“You didn’t go with him?”

“I wanted to wait for you.”

Jesse hugged Hanzo tighter. “Okay, we’ll go home, okay?”

Hanzo nodded, and look up at Jesse with soft eyes.

It took them fifteen minutes to leave their little corner.

 

．．．．．

 

They had to walk for a while to get to where Jesse parked his truck. They didn’t talk - Jesse was too tired and Hanzo was too drunk. At least he could walk properly. Hanzo’s alcohol tolerance was much better than Jesse thought.

Jesse stopped when he felt Hanzo freeze. “Babe?” Jesse turned around and found him standing in front of the dimmed display window of a bakery, staring at the colorful cupcakes.

“Hanzo?” Jesse walked up to his boyfriend. “Hey, what’re you looking at?”

“I want these cupcakes.”

“They’re closed, honey,”

Jesse wrapped an arm around Hanzo’s shoulder and pulled him away. Hanzo twisted his head around and continued to look at the cupcakes as they walked away.

“Hanzo,” Jesse laughed, gently grabbing Hanzo’s chin, turning him back. Jesse kissed Hanzo’s pursed lips.

When he leaned back Hanzo just gave him a blank look and said, “I’m really, really hungry.”

Jesse laughed again. “I can tell, Hanzo. I’ll make you something when we get back.”

“But your cooking sucks.”

“How would you know? You haven’t tried anything I made before.”

“You made me a sandwich before.”

“I did?”

“Yes, when I took you to the market,” Hanzo’s face scrunched up. “You don’t remember?”

“It was a long time ago...”

“It tasted like tomato.”

Jesse had to bite back more laughs. “Maybe it’s because…it has tomato in it?”

“I don’t like tomato.”

“I’ll remember that,” Jesse tangled his fingers with Hanzo’s. “Let’s go home, Hanzo.”

When they finally made it to Jesse’s truck, they were both freezing from the cold. Jesse turned on the heater and they spent five minutes just warming their hands in front of it.

“We should do this more often,” Hanzo spoke when they were on the road back home.

“Do what?”

“Late night drives,” Hanzo said. “It reminds me of the time you took me stargazing.”

Funnily enough, Jesse was thinking of the exact same thing. The way Hanzo’s face looked so soft in the reflection of the front window. The soft droning of the heater in the background. And how Hanzo looked at Jesse as though he was dreaming.

“Yeah,” Jesse agreed, feeling so stupidly happy. “We should.”  

Jesse reached out his right hand, and Hanzo took it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ps. McCree uses a fake id to work at a bar, one of the reason he quit was because he wanted to bail before getting caught. This is bad behavior dont follow kids!!!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, they are going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beautiful people drew beautiful fanart for this fic!!!!!! im still screaming:  
> [by yandereycat](http://yandereycat.tumblr.com/post/151999509185/so-ive-been-reading-to-the-great-deep-he-goes-by) and [by hato](https://twitter.com/hato0308/status/831548685393682432)!!!!  
> As always, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://cibeeeeee.tumblr.com/) and/or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/spiciestcibee?lang=zh-tw) :D
> 
> This is the end guys! There is a bonus story that takes place after this in the works, and since the rating might change (hehe) I made a series and will post the bonus story as a separate fic there! So if you want to read it you can subscribe to the series to get the notification  
> Big thanks to BunBrigade on discord for betaing this chapter!!! Thank you so much<3  
> And of course, thank you to everyone that read this far. It blows my mind that people finish this story, whether you liked it, hated it, or just think it's good to kill time for when you are on the toilet, I appreciate everyone. Thank you!!!

The first time Genji saw McCree, he really didn’t know what to think. For a second he panicked, thinking that he had forgotten it was a costume party when he had been _dying_ to wear those cat ears for months. But then he was informed that it was only Jesse McCree.

Apparently, it was his ‘thing’ that made him a well-known face in this university. Suddenly Genji was ready to destroy this cowboy. Only Genji was allowed to have a _thing_. Back at his last university, in Japan, Genji was the most popular student on the campus, and he intended to do the same in this university. He was definitely not going to let some cowboy take that from him.

So he introduced himself to McCree, pretended that it was the first time he heard his name. He laughed at his jokes, flirted a little, and lamented the fact that Hanzo wasn’t there to have snarky conversations in Japanese to make other people uncomfortable.

But whatever, Hanzo was holed up in his room doing _god knows what_ – instead of out having fun with him like Genji had planned, and hoped, he would.

Of course, one party wasn’t going to be enough to insert his dominance over the cowboy, but when he left, there were more people talking about him instead of McCree – so Genji counted that as a win.

It was a few days later, when he finally visited Hanzo’s dorm room, that he found out Hanzo’s cowboy roommate was, in fact, Jesse McCree. Which made some part of Genji actually feel relieved. Two cowboys on one campus were two too many. He greeted McCree warmly, just so it wasn’t obvious Genji was greeting him as a (in his own head) threat.

“Does this mean I can’t see him as competition?” Genji asked Hanzo in Japanese, while smiling at McCree.

Hanzo bristled. “Leave him alone.”

Genji raised an eyebrow at that.

Hanzo turned his face away. “Don’t make things awkward. I need to live with him.”

McCree’s confused face made the corner of his brother’s mouth twitch into a small, genuine smile, not the snarky kind Hanzo was known for. The smile dropped into a frown as soon as McCree’s eyes turned to Hanzo.

“Were you guys talking smack ‘bout me?” McCree pouted at Hanzo. Hanzo gave his roommate a sideways look, shoulders tensed, and Genji could tell he was biting back a smile.

 _Oh my fucking god_ , Genji’s face was still schooled in his usual smirk, but on the inside he was screaming. Hanzo liked his roommate, in _that_ way.

He was going to kill this cowboy.

Genji had seen this man during parties. Shameless flirting, boys and girls alike, casual kisses, make-out sessions in the corner one second and a wink for goodbye the next second. He was a heart-breaker, and no heart-breaker was going to get down his brother’s pants.

Genji only prayed, prayed to any gods above, that this was only a short-lived crush. A moment of attraction. It was only the start of school.

When Genji saw McCree again at a party that night, he knew this was his chance.

“I don’t know what you are planning, Genji,” Zenyatta said. “But I hope you think it through first.”

“I have,” Genji replied. He waited for the usual aphorisms, but none came. So he walked up to McCree.

“Hey!” McCree immediately dropped his previous conversation with a polite excuse and turned to him. Genji narrowed his eyes and smiled.

“Hey, McCree,” Genji sneered, his smile turning cruel. “What are you up to tonight?”

His smile didn’t seem to affect McCree in the slightest. Genji was half listening to what he was saying, half contemplating if he should stay close to McCree for a while, to get to know this guy better so he could kill him later.

But Genji also had a social circle to expand. So after talking to McCree, Genji went around the party deliberating talking to students he knew were in the same year as McCree.

There was Lena (British, chirpy, had a girlfriend named Emily who Genji reminded himself to ask about in the future, just to give a good impression, liked sports, was a good friend of McCree) She said, “Jesse is one of the best guys I know! Really nice, really polite to people.”

And there was Lúcio (Brazilian, lived in Canada when he was a kid, but moved back to Brazil when he finished elementary school, a popular internet DJ, handsome, extremely nice, wanted a frog as a pet but RA wouldn’t allow it) He said, “McCree is cool! Really dig that cowboy look, the man follows his heart!”

There was also Angela (Swiss, perpetually tired, works in the health center in the gym, always being dragged to parties to be the driver because she doesn’t drink) She said, “Jesse? He’s okay. I just wish he would stop smoking.”

And the list went on. It seemed like everyone only had good things to say about him, even though Genji thought a natural flirt would result in a lot of angry past love interests. Yet almost nothing. The closest bad thing Genji found out was from a girl who refused to give him her name, who showed Genji some unfortunate pictures of McCree during a Halloween party, almost naked and crying over a broken record of _Johnny Cash’s greatest hits_.

At around midnight, Genji was almost disappointed to say he had found nothing really that awful about Jesse McCree that would warrant him to be bad for, or to, Hanzo.

“You’re sulking,” Zenyatta said with a small laugh.

“I am not,” Genji hid his grumble behind the beer can. “You didn’t stop me.”

“I know you are too good of a person to actually wrong someone without good excuse.”

“I just…” Genji started. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Of course.”

“Can you just go talk to McCree? I mean, I’ve heard a lot about him tonight already. But I just want to make sure he’s alright, and you’re always good at reading people….”

Zenyatta smiled at Genji, and headed towards McCree. Genji waited.

When Zenyatta came back, Genji could see that McCree was wearing that face of relaxation and wonder people often wore after chatting with Zenyatta. Genji hid a snort behind his cup.

“I find McCree to be very pleasant,” Zenyatta said. “He likes to make people feel at ease, and welcomed, which is always something that gives away how considerate one is. In fact, he was asking about Hanzo.”

Genji’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?”

“Yes, he thinks Hanzo is too shy, or he feels Hanzo doesn’t feel comfortable with his new school life yet. He asked me what he should do to make Hanzo open up a little, and maybe see him as a friend.”

“Oh,” Genji struggled to come up with a facile response, anything to show that he wasn’t surprised. “Uh…”

“I am glad to see you worried about your brother, Genji,” Zenyatta retook his spot next to Genji.

Genji harrumphed, face flushing a little. “I just wanted to make sure he’s not getting himself into anything that would hurt him.”

“I am sure he would be fine,” his roommate reassured. “Hanzo has someone looking out for him.”

．．．．．

Needless to say, Genji’s attitude went from disapproval to slightly okay very quickly. Hanzo might be too much of a dolt to admit to himself what he’s feeling, but Genji has eyes. He just hopes _if_ Hanzo’s feelings stayed, McCree would accept it, or at least be okay with it.

Although this thing between his brother and McCree was not a full-on attraction yet, in fact, it was probably barely a crush. But Genji had a funny feeling ever since he saw that smile Hanzo gave McCree when he thought no one saw. The funny feeling that this barely-a-crush thing Hanzo had for McCree would soon turn into anything but.

Then Genji met Hanzo for a late breakfast one morning, and he asked his brother what he did last night, expecting the same “studying” or “at the gym” responce. But his brother paused, the corner of his mouth twitched, and said “I went out with McCree last night.”

Genji halted. “Out?”

Hanzo sucked in a breath, “not like a date.”

Genji honestly wasn’t even thinking about that. Jesse McCree somehow managed to convince Hanzo to hang out with him. Through endless pester or genuine offering, Genji didn’t know. But Hanzo had a good time, and that was all he cared about then and there.

Though Genji still played his little brother’s role of teasing Hanzo. “Aw, so no making out?”

“Genji.”

“Okay, fine. You had a good time?” he asked anyway, even if the look on Hanzo’s face already answered that question.

“It was alright.” Hanzo said. “He was nice.”

If only Hanzo knew he was now wearing the biggest smile (for Hanzo’s standards) while he was saying this. And with that, Genji’s stance on this went from slightly okay to overly supportive.

．．．．．

The first month went by fast, filled with late parties and even later study sessions; text messages to his parents and lunches with Hanzo; the strange feeling of knowing McCree a lot more than he actually did because of Hanzo’s non-stop “complaints” about his roommate. It was after one particularly long rant about McCree’s apparent inability to take off his boots before falling asleep, and Hanzo’s annoyance at the man’s habit of dozing off before finishing his stories, resulting in Hanzo never hearing the end of his tall-tales. It would be far more convincing if Hanzo hadn’t said all of this with the fondest look on his face.

Jesus, Genji needed to step in.

“We need to lay down some rules,” Genji watched as the expression on Hanzo’s face shifted. He was going to have to deal with ‘denial Hanzo’ in a minute. “You come to me when you want relationship advice from now on, and you stop lying to yourself. How’s that?”

As predicted, Hanzo bristled. “I am not lying to myself.”

 _Oh my God,_ Genji sighed internally. His brother was always stubborn in the worse way. “Look, I get it. He’s your roommate. It’ll be awkward. Whatever. But if you _do_ want to do something about it, promise me you’ll come to me, okay?”

“There is nothing _to do._ ”

Genji sighed outwardly this time. It was especially hard when Hanzo didn’t even realize how often he slipped into his reverie after talking about McCree this past month. Always snapping back when Genji kicked him under the table or pulled on his bangs.

It was alright, he would come back to this topic shortly. “Okay. Here’s another question: what are you doing during Thanksgiving break?”

Hanzo furrowed his brows, looking worried. Which made Genji feel a little better about his own nervousness on this question. He did not know about Hanzo’s plan for the break, and a small part of him worried Hanzo had grown used to this new university enough that he had already made plans.

But then Hanzo said he wanted to stay, with no further mentioned of other plans. Genji beamed.

“We should go to the party our dorm is hosting!”

Hanzo smiled back, and agreed.

Genji leaned back, and propped his feet up on the chair next to Hanzo. Hanzo shoved them half-heartedly, saying it was rude.

“If you are so infatuated with Jesse–” Genji brought up again, and Hanzo immediately looked so alarmed it made Genji laugh. “–’s story, you could always ask him to finish it in the morning, and that’ll give you two an excuse to have breakfast together.”

Hanzo gave him a wan protest, to which Genji replied by blowing raspberries at his brother. “Don’t be a child, asshole,” Hanzo snapped without heat, slipping into Japanese and back to his much cruder way of speech. Genji grinned.

“I’m not the one being childish and denying crushing for his roommate. It’s been a month, if the feelings are still there, it’s probably staying for a while.”

“Why don’t you mind your fucking business–”

“I can’t wait until the day when I say ‘I told you so’–”

“Shimada Genji,” Hanzo warned. “I will throw this pudding towards your face, and make your ridiculous hair look like it’s from a second-rate anime.”

“Go to hell, Hanzo.”

“I must already be in hell if I have to look at your dumb hair every day.”

“Lay off my hair!” Genji kicked Hanzo in the stomach, and Hanzo wheezed and laughed.

“But seriously, ask McCree to breakfast or something. You like him–” Genji raised his voice to cut Hanzo off before his brother could even talk, “ _as a friend_ , okay, I get it, and friends hang out. Just don’t get cooped up, will you?”

Hanzo coughed, and flushed a little, saying he already had been sharing morning coffees with McCree as a habit while asking McCree to finish up his stories.

Genji threw his head back and whistled. “Maybe I don’t have to do anything to help after all, anija?”

For that, he received a punch to the shin.

．．．．．

The strange thing about Hanzo was, he treated his friends not like everyone else. He cared a great deal about them, but he almost never showed it. He wasn’t one to stick up for his friends, because he always assumed his friends could handle things themselves. And that, to Hanzo, was his way of showing support. Genji suspected it was because that was what their family taught them was best, knowing how to take care of yourself was one of the most important traits they overly stressed. There were only a very few people he would jump to defend because he didn’t want them to be upset for more than _a second._

So when McCree pouted at Genji’s relentless teasing, and Hanzo took one look at McCree before asking Genji to stop, it took all his strength and more to stop the wide grin from spreading on his face. When Hanzo realized his protective behavior, his face made Genji fail at containing his smile.

“ _Anija_ ,” Genji said. He can see McCree’s confused face and felt Zenyatta’s soft exhale of chuckles. More importantly, he can see Hanzo’s embarrassed face behind McCree.

Hanzo walked away, pulling McCree with him. Genji looked at their joined hands, and McCree’s slightly dazed looks going back and forth between the back of Hanzo’s head and their hands.

“Can you believe this?” Genji asked Zenyatta. His friend laughed.

“I had hoped Hanzo would come to terms with his feelings sooner,” Zenyatta replied.

“I don’t think he has, though.”

“He hasn’t?”

“No. At least, whenever I’ve asked, he’s still denying it.”

“Well,” Zenyatta said, patting Genji’s arm. “He will eventually. And eventually is better than never.”

That made Genji’s heart speed up and calm down all at once. He gazed at Zenyatta and he gazed right back. Then Genji turned his eyes to his brother. McCree looked upset, and Hanzo also looked upset. Hanzo said something and McCree’s face lit up, as he raised his hands as if he was surrendering. Hanzo scowled even further.

Suddenly Hanzo’s shoulders slumped, and laughter bubbled out of him. McCree joined in soon after. Genji decided that Hanzo would be alright here, even if he was out of his element.

It was one poker game, and five Go-fish later, when Genji remembered to check if Hanzo was still doing okay and not freaking out from socializing, or bored out of his mind. A quick scan of the room and Genji couldn’t see his brother’s ponytail or McCree’s hat sticking out anywhere.

“Are you looking for Hanzo?” Zenyatta asked, at his side in an instant, as always when the beginning of worry edged its way into Genji’s frown. “He left with McCree already.”

“Oh, okay.” Genji sighed. And then he jumped up, “What?!”

“They left a while ago, back to their room,” Zenyatta explained.

Genji tried to make a noise that was half pleased and half amused, but the noise that ended up coming out of his mouth sounded more confused than anything else.

“I really hope that means they’re fucking,” Genji said. “But then I realize I’m grossed out from thinking about that.”

Zenyatta laughed. “You are very funny sometimes, Genji.”

Genji spent the rest of the party considering texting Hanzo to ask what they’re doing, but too worried that they _were_ actually up to something Genji didn’t want to interrupt, or know about at all.

When he ran into McCree the next morning at the coffee machine (that was not theirs, but they both used anyway), Genji tried to ask where they went last night without sounding like the question had been burning him from the inside out the past ten hours.

Them leaving the party had surprised Genji, but why they left surprised him even more – Hanzo did not want to stay, which was not unexpected. But McCree took Hanzo away because Hanzo didn’t feel comfortable, and that made Genji pause. And if he had been willing to admit – it made his chest tighten a little, too.

“I thought the party was right up your alley,” Genji said.

McCree shrugged, swallowing a big gulp of coffee. He looked well-rested, and drank his coffee like it was a tasty beverage, instead of the needed caffeine boost for Genji who didn’t get a full night’s rest. “He didn’t want to be there,” he said, like that was all the reason he needed to ditch a party even if he had wanted to stay.

“He could have just gone back himself, you know,” Genji challenged.

“It’s Thanksgiving…”

“So? We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, you know that.”

McCree rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know, really, if you’re asking me,” he admitted, “I just wanted to spend time with him.”

Genji nodded. He nodded and sighed a relieved sigh in his heart. McCree was a good friend to his brother. He cared about Hanzo. He liked Hanzo, no matter what kind of fondness, McCree liked Hanzo enough to look out for him, and that was all that mattered.

“Thanks, Jesse.” Genji murmured. Wasn’t sure if it was loud enough for the other man to hear. McCree didn’t say anything.

．．．．．

“Tell me you two are coming back for Christmas break,” his mother said, her smile was tight, and the lines around her eyes looked more prominent through the video call.

Genji shot her a confused look before putting on a pair of headphones. They were talking about the new antique shop that had opened up near the Shimada residence, and then, suddenly, she was asking this question as if their plane tickets hadn’t been booked since July already.

“Yeah, of course,” Genji said. “Why? What happened?”

She sighed through her nose. “I talked to your brother earlier today.”

“He said he wasn’t going back?”

“No, but his tone was clear enough.”

“You need to stop putting words in his mouth,” Genji protested, even though a small part of him believed her. And he wondered if Hanzo really didn’t want to go back home. After the accident, Hanzo almost couldn’t stand staying at home. Any long school break was filled with volunteer work or part-time jobs far away from Hanamura. Last year’s winter break was the first where Hanzo spent more than two weeks at home, and the summer break before this semester had been the first that Hanzo spent with Genji in a long time. If Genji thought about it, it was very possible that Hanzo showed reluctance to go back to Japan.

Genji defended Hanzo still, and his mother rubbed her eyes.

“Your father and I hope to see both of you, okay?”  

“I will talk to him,” Genji promised, but he actually meant ambushing Hanzo after he came back from the gym and asking what the fuck he was thinking. He caught Hanzo walking down the hallway and before his brother reached for the handle, Genji pulled on Hanzo’s ponytail.

Hanzo’s reaction was a shriek, and a cough to try to cover that up, poorly. His duffle bag dropped on the ground and Genji grabbed it before Hanzo did.

“Give that back,” Hanzo made a motion to grab it, but Genji pulled it away. Hanzo still caught the straps, and pulled against Genji’s resistant. “What the fuck is up with you?”

Genji pulled the bag towards him. “Did you or did you not tell mom you were not going back?”

Hanzo made a face, his nose scrunched up. He pulled hard, and it was only because Genji saw it coming that he didn’t budge (that much).

“I did not,” Hanzo snapped. “I didn’t say anything. I was a little impatient and she fucking assumed so! Why would I not go back? After everything?”

Genji’s arm slumped, the bag dropping from his grip. The bag hit the floor. Hanzo had let go of it as well.

“I know,” Genji said. Running a hand through his hair. “She had me worried.”    

Hanzo stood still for a moment, before stooping down and grabbing his bag. Beside them, the door opened and McCree’s head poked out.

“Are you two fighting?” he asked sternly. Genji pouted, but Hanzo chuckled at McCree’s serious expression. McCree continued, “I’ll have you know I was dreaming about riding into the sunset before some people _so rudely_ decided to have an argument right outside someone’s room.”

Hanzo snickered, turning his face away. “It’s a good thing that we woke you up, or else today would have been your third day in a row to wake up _after_ noon.”

“Hey – it’s the weekend, the time of slacking off–”

“You say that about every day –”

“You know, I really wouldn’t mind standing here and watching you two flirt,” Genji met Hanzo’s glare head on. “But I got stuff to do, and I want to finish telling Hanzo how much of a bitch he is, so will you excuse us, Jesse?”

McCree raised a brow at Genji and held his hands up, casting a glance at Hanzo before retreating back to his room.

“Hanzo, I believe you. Mom overreacted,” Genji said quickly in Japanese before Hanzo could snap again, “But you’ve got to cut her some slack. I swear you get your awkwardness from her.”

“Genji!”

“I’m just saying, you two butt heads too much. She’s not great at showing emotions, and neither are you. So don’t be as….”

“I know.” Hanzo crossed his arms over his chest. “I just…I’m just….”

“I know, Hanzo. It’s okay.” Genji remembered how hard their mother was on Hanzo after Genji got hurt. Hanzo never really got over that, even if their mother tried to apologize to Hanzo for being too harsh. She never finished her apologies, though. Hanzo bolted out of the room, and it took Genji two hours to find him. Huddled up in a corner of the garden.

“It’ll get better,” Genji promised. “This kinda stuff needs time, alright?”

Hanzo nodded. He wasn’t looking at Genji. Genji didn’t mind, sometimes it was hardest being vulnerable in front of the person you trusted most.

“I’ll see you today at dinner, okay?” Genji said. “Bring McCree too, if you want. He relaxes you.”

Despite everything, that still made Hanzo shoot a glare at Genji. Genji waved, and began walking away.

When he got to the end of the hall, he turned back to look. McCree was back outside now, and he had a hand on Hanzo’s back. He said something that made Hanzo sprout a smile and an eye roll.

Genji turned away and walked down the stairs. He had no doubt that McCree would be joining them for dinner tonight.

．．．．．

Christmas in Hanamura, in Genji’s opinion, was no worse than any western countries’. Most people still didn’t celebrate it as a religious or a family holiday, but businesses grabbing the opportunity to make more sales, combined with the influence of romantic movies, still made Christmas in Japan a huge sight to behold. The streets were decorated glamorously. It was only too bad that Hanamura was too warm for them to have any snowfall, but Genji always liked the holiday nonetheless.

Their parents sent a car for them and their luggage. While they were loading the stuff, Hanzo excused himself and went to get two cans of sweet tea from a nearby convenience store. The cans were too cold in the winter air, but both Genji and Hanzo took a big gulp anyway. They wheezed at the icy liquid going down their throats.

“Taste that sweet, sweet sugar water that is definitely not real tea, anija. We won’t be getting these anymore in a few weeks time.”

Hanzo laughed and nodded in agreement.

The brothers got into the car. Genji rolled down the window so he could hear the chatter from outside. He couldn’t hear any English in the conversations, and that made him more homesick than anything, even though he was already home.

“Is it weird to feel homesick while being home?” Genji asked, to no one in particular. But Hanzo replied.

“No. You’re just being reminded of how much you’ve missed it. Or you’re thinking about leaving it in two weeks.” The fact that it took Hanzo almost no time at all to give Genji an answer practically confirmed that he had been pondering the same thing. Genji nodded, even though he knew Hanzo wasn’t looking.

The closer they got to their house, the stiller Hanzo got. It didn’t take over twenty years of being Hanzo’s little brother to figure out Hanzo was anxious. The driver asked more than once if Hanzo was alright. Hanzo didn’t respond to any of her concerns.  

Their parents were waiting for them at the gate. Genji got out quickly and ambled up to them, greeting each of them with a brief hug. Hanzo trailed after him, a lot slower.

There was a moment of hesitation from the three of them before their mother stepped forward, hugging Hanzo just as she did with Genji, if not harder. When she let go, their father also gave Hanzo a hug, and Genji saw mother turning away, rubbing her eyes.

Their parents let them get settled in before dinner. Genji didn’t bother going back to his room. He followed his brother to Hanzo’s room and shut the door.

“I don’t even remember the last time we hugged mom and dad,” Genji said as he sat on the floor, while Hanzo decided the bed was a good place to slump his awkward-self onto.

“It was so awkward,” Hanzo groaned from his position, face buried in his pillow.

“I guess this is the first time we’ve both left home for so long,” Genji said.

“Now I have to suffer through dinner.”

“It’s not that bad.”

Hanzo turned his face to glare at Genji, and Genji just shrugged.

．．．．．

Genji hadn’t thought about keeping in contact with any of his new friends from university. And Hanzo certainly wasn’t one to do so either. Three days in and Genji had caught Hanzo drifting off so many times already. Reading a book, watching TV, and once even when they were practicing. Hanzo lowered his bow slowly while staring off into nothing, just randomly lost in his thoughts.

And then, suddenly, these stopped. Instead, his brother was spending an alarming amount of time (for Hanzo) on his phone, typing away. When asked, Hanzo would come up with some sort of riposte to people’s question. Genji rolled his eyes at every one of them. It wasn’t hard to figure out what Hanzo was doing (talking to someone, naturally) And from there it wasn’t hard for Genji to guess _who_ either. But he didn’t bother calling Hanzo out right away. He let his brother have a few days of chatter with McCree before nosing in at Hanzo’s business.

When he snuck into Hanzo’s room while he was called away by their father, Genji quickly spotted the phone that was left to be charged. Hanzo never bothered to put a password on his phone, because he never had anything on his phone that Hanzo felt he particularly needed to hide from people. So a press and a swipe later, Genji was looking at Hanzo and McCree’s conversations.

Well, he didn’t actually look. He only needed McCree’s email, and he wasn’t that much of a dick to go through his brother’s messages with his crush.

Genji was about to leave the room when he spotted something odd on Hanzo’s desk. On his brother’s tidy desk full of only textbooks and notes, there was a paper snowflake. It was slightly bent at the edges, like someone had been toying with it and smoothing it back to shape. Genji didn’t know where this came from, but Hanzo must think it was important enough to warrant a spot on his desk.

Genji took a picture of it, reminding himself to ask Hanzo about later, even if that meant being chewed out by Hanzo for invasion of privacy.

．．．．．

“Hanzo, are you dating someone?” their mother’s question not only startled Hanzo but also Genji. Hanzo slowly put his phone back into his pocket and looked helplessly at their mother. Mother stared back with the same expression, obviously not knowing how to continue the topic either.

“What makes you ask that?” Hanzo asked.

“You’ve been talking to someone an awful lot.”

“He’s just a friend. My roommate.”

Mother nodded. “You two get along well?”

“Yes.”

“Good, good.”

If there wasn’t this silence that followed, Genji could almost call this attempted conversation between them successful. He leaned forward, deciding to rescue his helpless family, “His name is Jesse McCree.”

“Genji!”

“What?”

“Jesse McCree?” their mother asked. “Interesting name, like those country singers from America, or a cowboy.”

Genji doubled over laughing while Hanzo stared at their mother in shock. Genji pulled up a picture of McCree with his signature cowboy hat on and showed it to their mother. Their mother blinked a few times, and that made Hanzo join in on Genji’s laughter.

“I did not expect that,” their mother handed back Genji’s phone and chuckled. “He is quite handsome.”

Hanzo’s laughter turned into a sudden choke, and Genji shared a look with their mom.

“McCree thinks Hanzo is handsome as well,” Genji added, which caused Hanzo to groan.

“Stop telling lies,” Hanzo snapped.

“I’m not! He told me!” Well, McCree actually called Hanzo ‘cute’, but that was just about the same. And if McCree’s constant nagging for Genji to send him photos of Hanzo was any indication, it was that Jesse McCree liked Shimada Hanzo’s face, a lot.

Hanzo was speechless, and his face was getting so red, even their mother looked a little pitying.

“Alright, Genji, stop teasing your brother.”

“I’m not!”

Hanzo opened his mouth to say something, but only a weak wheeze came out.

Their mother cut in, “I would love to meet your friends one day. You could invite him to Japan, and Genji, you could invite Zenyatta again. I think,” she hesitated. “It would be fun.”

Hanzo nodded, looking far too awkward at the moment. And Genji looked far too pleased.

．．．．．

Genji was hoping that the new semester would be the time Hanzo and McCree finally figured things out. But even he didn’t expect Hanzo to come stumbling into his dorm room on the second day, wearing slippers and a _hideously_ hilarious sweater.

“What in the name of _fashion,_ are you wearing,” Genji shook his head. Hanzo ignored him and lay on Genji’s bed, pulling the front of the sweater up and over his face.

“Hanzo, what? Something happened?” Genji asked, and Hanzo nodded, but didn’t offer anything else.

Genji traded a look with Zenyatta. Zenyatta mouthed “give him some time” at Genji.

They let Hanzo lay there for ten minutes. Then his brother finally sat up.

“I know what you’re going to say,” Hanzo’s hair was all over the place from stuffing his head in his sweater, and that made the serious look on his face even funnier.

“ _I_ know what you’re going to say,” Genji retorted. “I mean, really? It took you this long? Were you just in denial or did you really think you only liked him as a friend?”

“I was _hoping_ it would go away,” Hanzo looked angry. “But I think I’m in too deep.”

“What happened?”

“ _Nothing_ ,” Hanzo sounded so exasperated, Genji almost felt bad for teasing. “It’s just, I realized how much I’ve missed him.”

Zenyatta looked at Hanzo like he had just said the sweetest thing, which was probably exactly what Zenyatta was thinking. He always was a romantic.

Hanzo lowered his head. His eyes screwed shut. He put his face in his hands and sucked in a shuddered breath.

“Hanzo?” Genji asked worriedly.

“Genji,” came his brother’s faint reply. “Please promise me you won’t tell him anything.”

“Of course not. But _you_ will, right?”

Hanzo didn’t reply.

．．．．．

When Jesse called him for help, Genji was ecstatic. When _Satya_ asked him for help too, Genji was sure Hanzo and McCree could get together by the end of the week. But McCree had been upset, he didn’t want to risk Hanzo’s friendship. All of a sudden all the confidence he had for his brother and his friend came crashing down.

But then Zenyatta told him that McCree took Hanzo star gazing, and Genji was really confused after hearing that.

“He got upset at me for wanting to set them up, and now he’s taking Hanzo for _midnight drives_ and _star gazing_?”

“Someone must have changed his mind,” Zenyatta soothed. “Sometimes the same words can have a different effect coming from different people.”

“I just…ugh, oh my god!” Genji rubbed his face vigorously. “Why is this so messy? It could be so easy!”

So when McCree came knocking on Genji’s door with apologies on his lips, Genji was half frustrated and half relieved. And when McCree tentatively admitted he thought he had a chance, Genji’s hope perked up again.

Emotions worked in confusing ways. Genji was hopeful, but then his eyes landed on where McCree was sitting. Exactly where Hanzo was sitting not so long ago, head in his hands and asking Genji not to tell McCree anything.

Suddenly the trickle of hope faded into uncertainty.

For the first time in a long time, he didn’t know what to do. He felt frustrated, and irritated at everything that was happening. Genji tried – in his own way – so hard to help Hanzo. And watching McCree walking out of the door, affection drowning in his features, he wondered if everything became so messy because Genji thought he could help.

He didn’t realize he hadn’t moved from his spot since McCree left, until a rapid sound of knocking came from the door. Genji’s temper flared as he stood up with unnecessary force. McCree’s panicked face greeted him.

When he told Jesse what had happened between Hanzo and him, he said it with unnecessary force.

And when he was in Hanzo’s face, snapping at his brother like he did so many years ago, his words tumbled out of his mouth with unnecessary force, too.

Slamming the door to his brother’s room, and slamming his own door shut a few moments later, Genji sat down at the foot of Zenyatta’s bed. He buried his face in his bent knees, and wished, like he hadn’t in years, that he wasn’t alone.

．．．．．

Zenyatta’s hand woke him up from his tensed sleep. His fingers ran through strands of Genji’s hair, and for a disoriented moment of sore eyes, aching neck and hard breathing – Genji really thought Zenyatta was the only thing keeping him buoyant.

Fresh tears rimmed his eyes for God knows how many times that day already, but Genji squeezed his eyes shut before they overflowed. Zenyatta took him by the arms and pulled him close.

“I yelled at him,” Genji murmured. “I said I would never do that again but I did.”

“You shouldn’t blame yourself over this, Genji, family yell at each other.” Zenyatta’s voice was always calm and melodious, and Genji swore it worked as an anodyne to him sometimes. “I do hope you will stop promising yourself that, because it is highly likely you and Hanzo will yell at each other a lot more in the future.”

Despite everything, Genji laughed, and he laughed as he slumped backward onto the floor, looking at the ceiling.

He could feel Zenyatta ruffling around, and after adjusting his robe, his friend lay down next to him too.

Neither of them said anything, this was a usual thing for them. Hanzo always thought Zenyatta helped Genji through meditating, when in reality they did often just lie on the ground and talk more than anything else.

After a while, Genji spoke up, “I’ll call him tomorrow.”

“That is probably for the best.”

“Past experience taught me prolonging this never did either of us any good.”

“I am glad you are thinking like this.”

“Yeah….”

Silence drifted back between, and a sullen lethargy made itself a presence in Genji’s mind. He was scared of tomorrow.

“Zenyatta?”

“Yes, Genji?”

“Would you stay with me while I call Hanzo tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

And with that, Genji got up.

Hanzo and he agreed to meet in the coffee shop on campus the next day. Genji thought it was because they both were anxious about talking alone. Plus they had the advantage of conversing in Japanese with the confidence that most, if not all, people around would not understand them. This was something that was perfect for this talk, facing each other, in the presence of a crowd, yet still taking in the comfort that what would be said between them would stay private.

Genji set off to the coffee shop thirty minutes early because he couldn’t stand waiting in his room for any longer, and at least in the shop he wouldn’t feel so fidgety. Genji could also start by having something sweet to eat while preparing himself.

With this plan in mind, it was almost twice as shocking to see Hanzo had also already arrived – his brother looked as shocked as he was.

“I, uh,” Hanzo stuttered. “Ordered tea and cake already, and a matcha latte? I assumed you would want one?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Genji stuck his hands inside his pockets and played with the loosed strings in there to calm his nerves. Hanzo was lucky enough to be called by the barista for their order so he wouldn’t have to stare at the table between them.  

In the end Genji didn’t have to worry about talking, Hanzo blurted as soon as he sat down, but his words were too quick to be heard.  

“What?” Genji asked.

“I’m sorry,” Hanzo said.

That made Genji want to smile and cry at the same time. Hanzo continued, “I’m so sorry. I had no right. I yelled at you, I promised myself I would never do that again but I still did.”

Genji chuckled. Zenyatta’s words rang in his mind.

“It’s fine,” Genji said, he reached for Hanzo’s hands. “I’ve been told that families yell at each other.”

“Hanzo, why do you do this?” Genji asked when Hanzo didn’t reply. “Why do you torture yourself? You don’t want friends to get close to you, you don’t want to meet new people, you don’t even let yourself kiss McCree.” The last one was a wild guess.

Hanzo’s eyes widened, and then his face drew into an embarrassed frown. Genji laughed.

“Holy fuck! You two did almost kissed!” Genji doubled over, Hanzo sputtered.

“Is now really the time?” Hanzo asked, looking at him like Genji was being ludicrous.

“Okay, okay!” Genji swatted away the hands that tried to pinch him. When he looked up, Hanzo had that expression on his face. Like he wanted to cry, but he was too tired to do so.

Genji relented. “So why, Hanzo? Why are you so worried?”

“How could I not be? I keep thinking…how…I keep thinking about what would happen if people find out about the accident.” Hanzo sounded strained. “But on the other hand, I also keep telling myself that people should know what I did, even if that terrifies me.”

Genji didn’t respond.

“I worried about Jesse finding out, or anyone here, and they’ll.…” Hanzo sucked in a huge breath.

Genji sighed. “Brother…I’m sorry too, and just let me finish,” he said quickly because he saw that Hanzo was going to protest. “I’m sorry for meddling with you and McCree, okay?”

“You only meant well.” Hanzo murmured.

“Yeah, that’s how a lot of mistakes started.” Genji leaned forward, resting his arms on the table and picked up the fork. “I meant well, but you could have handled it, you know? And I shouldn’t have told you what you should do just because it was what I wanted. Even if it’s because I wanted you to….” be happy.

Genji passed the fork after he ate a small piece of cake. Hanzo took it wordlessly.

This went on for a few times, until the cake was gone. Genji didn’t press Hanzo to say anything.

“Still, you didn’t have to apologize for it,” Hanzo said quietly.

“It makes me feel better,” Genji shrugged.

“It makes me feel worse.”

“Get over it.”

“I’m sorry, Genji.”

Genji looked up and caught Jesse’s startled eyes from outside the shop.

“It’s okay, Hanzo. I forgive you.”

．．．．．

Genji sometimes thought about the accident. Not on purpose, it just slipped into his mind from time to time (when he drank from a straw, when he saw someone standing a little too close to the edge of the sidewalk. But, surprisingly, never when he looked at Hanzo), and he just feels so grateful now.

Years ago, when Genji woke up in the hospital light, he was numb. There were tears on his cheeks, and those made the wounds hurt. He could just imagine how ugly and pitiful he looked at that moment. He sobbed into the empty room, crying because in that moment, he decided that he could never forgive Hanzo.

Now, when Genji thought about that day, he should have known how impossible that was. Hanzo wasn’t the only one at fault. Little brothers did have to get their heads out their asses and see that they can’t always run from responsibilities, and big brothers had their limits.

Hanzo didn’t visit him for the first three days, and Genji was furious over that – even if he told everyone who dared ask about Hanzo that he didn’t want him there. There was no doubt Hanzo heard about it, and it took him another two days before he showed up by Genji’s bedside.

It was the worst day of their lives – and Genji would argue it was worse than the day he got hit by the car. Genji said something then that made him paled whenever he thought about it now, and Hanzo had looked so devastated.

That was such a long time ago, and some of the memories were so fuzzy Genji wondered if they were even accurate. Even the memory of meeting Zenyatta in the hospital was blurry. But the pain and the pure anger were something he remembered well. Zenyatta said it was okay to remember them, because it made Genji grateful for what he had now.

The fight in Hanzo and Jesse’s room was the biggest one they’d had since reconciling. Genji was happy he and Hanzo resolved it within days – while McCree and Hanzo’s took a little longer.

It was worth the wait, Genji thought, even if he had to be used as a reason for Hanzo to visit his boyfriend (it was _about time_ he could call McCree Hanzo’s boyfriend) at work.

“You know, you don’t have to have a reason to visit him, right? That’s what boyfriends do.” Genji pointed out helpfully as he watched Hanzo take out his entire closet to see what to wear.

“I don’t want to seem desperate,” Hanzo said, picking up a shirt. “Is this tight enough?” he asked.

“You don’t want to seem desperate, but you’re asking me if this shirt is tight enough, right.” Genji fell back onto McCree’s bed. “Also, the answer is no.”

“I just don’t want to seem desperate in front of him,” Hanzo picked up another shirt, and Genji nodded his approval.

“I don’t think he’ll notice anyway, he’s too smitten,” Genji dragged out each word.

On the way to the bar Genji was already regretting having agreed to this, even though seeing McCree gape and flush at Hanzo while trying to mix drinks was kind of funny, Genji still wasn’t up to staying here all night just to watch his brother and his boyfriend make out eventually.

“I’m off, bro, see you later,” Genji patted Hanzo on the head because he knew it pissed his brother off (it wasn’t Genji’s fault that he was taller). “You’re gonna be okay?”

Hanzo huffed, moping in a corner booth. Genji wanted to wave goodbye to McCree on his way out, but the man was swamped with orders.

He felt a little weird to be the one leaving a bar like this. It was usually Hanzo that got impatient of waiting for whoever Genji wanted to pick up and left first. But now it was him driving back, texting to ask Zenyatta if he wanted tacos.

It was a little weird to see Hanzo with someone after so long, but Genji knew it was a good thing for him. McCree was good for Hanzo, even if it wasn’t all happy kisses and warm hugs for them after getting together. Hanzo would always nag at McCree for eating chips in bed and McCree would probably never stop getting angry at Hanzo for being an insensitive ass. They would fight so loud that their neighbors would come to complain to Genji, or went and asked Satya for help. Zenyatta and Satya would often find Hanzo outside of their rooms at random hours because he got kicked out by McCree after a fight. And almost always, there would be a knock on their doors hours later with a grumpy McCree standing outside, aching to have Hanzo back again.

“Being a couple is different than being friends, isn’t it?” Satya asked Lúcio and Genji as she sent Hanzo out the door and into McCree’s arms.

“God, you have no idea,” Genji groaned.

“I think they’re pretty good already,” Lúcio said, cheerfully as always. “They make up really quick.”

Hanzo and McCree did have the tendency of resolving fights quicker than most people expected them to. Genji had come to understand that McCree and Hanzo could handle themselves just fine, even if they both act like hopeless children sometimes.

Genji was expecting his brother and his friend being in the “post made up sappy phase” when he knocked some time later. But it still didn’t prepare him for when Hanzo snapped open the door, looking irritated to no end, and McCree behind him, sitting on the desk, his face a hilarious shade of red.

And then Genji finally realized the telltale wetness around Hanzo’s mouth, suddenly very aware that he had interrupted a sloppy make-out session.

“Oh, disgusting,” Genji made some gagging noises to exaggerate his point. “Next time, fucking pretend you’re not in, will you?”

Hanzo slammed the door shut at the same time McCree raised his middle finger at Genji.

“Wear condoms!” Genji shouted outside the shut door. Inside came some noises, and Genji didn’t stay long enough to see if they were curses or moans.

．．．．．

As the end of the semester drew near, people were starting to get anxious and excited because of finals and vacation. And in Genji’s experience, these feelings often made people do crazy things. Last year near this time of the year, Genji dyed his hair green and almost gave his parents a heart attack. This year, however, it seemed it was Hanzo’s turn.

“Are you sure about this?” Satya asked as she wrapped an old bedsheet around Hanzo, tying it behind his neck.

“Yes,” Hanzo said, though he sounded like he would puke if anyone provoked him a little.

“I think it’ll look hot,” McCree added from Sombra’s bed.

“Hot or not, it’ll be funny as fuck when mom and dad find out,” Genji said.

Hanzo squeezed his eyes shut, as if he was contemplating all his life choices. McCree wrapped his arms around Hanzo’s head and Hanzo buried his face in McCree’s belly. McCree hissed, “Genji! You ain’t being helpful.”

“I wasn’t trying to be!”

“Alright, all of you stop talking, it’s already pissing me off and we haven’t even started,” Sombra walked into her room with Lúcio in tow. The man sat his portable speakers on the desk while Sombra took out her electric razor. She smiled at it in a way that made Genji think it _might_ be a bad idea. “Let’s start.”

“Hanzo, are you positive you want Sombra to shave your hair?” Satya asked again.

“Hey! I shave my own!”

“Yes, and it is uneven.”

“No, it’s _style_.”

“I don’t think it looks stylish at all.” Satya tried to take a step forward to look intimidating, but Sombra grabbed Satya by the cheeks and squeezed, making Satya pout.

“Aw, come on, you like it,” Sombra laughed when Satya pushed her away, face flushed and glaring.  

“Hanzo, think about this,” Satya gripped Hanzo’s shoulders to look him in the eyes.

Hanzo took a big gulp of air.

“You guys quit scaring him, it’s hair, it’ll grow back,” McCree said.

“Jesse would know, he shaved his own eyebrows off in high school,” Sombra added.

“You stop telling people about – you weren’t even there! How did you – ”

“Are we doing this or not?” Genji interrupted. “Hanzo, you still up for this?”

There was a beat of silence. And then, Hanzo nodded. Sombra started off slow, cutting off some of Hanzo’s hair to make it shorter. Genji swore he heard Hanzo’s breath hitch when the scissors snapped and a long lock of hair fell to the floor. Sombra stepped back and examined him for a while.    

Then she slowly raised her razor, and snapped the switch on. Satya turned her face away, covering it with her left hand.

Her first swipe was long and big, from the side of Hanzo’s head to the part where they agreed on. For a moment, Hanzo’s face looked panicked.

“Holy shit,” Genji heard McCree murmur.

Sombra worked quickly. A while later, both sides of Hanzo’s head were shaved, and she turned her razor off.

Hanzo looked at everyone, waiting for judgment.

“Sweetheart,” McCree let out a heavy breath. “You look amazing.”

“Your words don’t hold authority. You’re my boyfriend, of course you would say that,” Hanzo argued, although there was an obviously pleased look on his face.

Satya coughed. “I will admit…it actually looks very good on you. I was not expecting that.”

“Yeah man!” Lúcio very happily agreed. “You look awesome!”

Hanzo’s eyes scanned the room until they finally landed on Genji, and so did everyone else’s.

Genji stood there with his arms crossed, looking very hard at his brother.

Finally, he let out a sigh and put his hand over his heart, faking a sob, “Finally my brother is cool. Eventually is better than never, I guess.”

Everyone laughed, and Hanzo rolled his eyes, but the look of relief was evident on his face.

McCree went up and kissed Hanzo, freeing him from the bedsheet around his neck. Sombra complaining loudly about all the hair on her floor while Lúcio had already started cleaning them up, humming to his music. Satya swept Hanzo’s hair all to the left or all to the right, trying to gauge which looked better with McCree.

Genji leaned back onto a wall, taking it all in.

．．．．．

“So, brother, I have a question.”

Hanzo’s eyebrows turned down into a frown immediately. His hair tied into a bun on the top of his head. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything!”

“You look worried.”

“No, I don’t.” Genji rolled his eyes, but a part of him actually worried he did.  

“Then what’s the question?”

“It’s more of a proposition, actually.”

“About?”

“What would you think…about living together next semester?”

Hanzo looked a bit confused for a second. “In the dorm?”

Genji shrugged. “I was actually thinking that you, me, Zenyatta and McCree could rent a flat off campus.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I think it’ll be fun.”

“Really?”

Genji raised an eyebrow. “Do you not want to? We don’t have to, it was a suggestion anyway. Or were you planning on living with McCree alone?”

Hanzo grumbled something under his breath.

“So?” Genji asked.

Hanzo sat there in quandary, looking at Genji as if to determine if he was being serious or not. Genji held his gaze.

“I think it’ll be fun too,” Hanzo said. “I’ll ask him today.”

Genji beamed.

He walked with Hanzo to the coffee shop he was meeting McCree at, and said goodbye to Hanzo before they’d arrived. He watched as Hanzo walked over to McCree. They greeted each other with hands on the other’s cheek and both equally bright smiles.

Somewhere between their conversation Hanzo turned around slightly, catching Genji’s eyes, looking for support. Genji nodded, giving him a thumbs up.

He left after that, but judging by the cheers and loud laughs behind him, Genji guessed everything was okay.

Yeah, Genji thought, focusing on the coming summer, Skype calls and reunions. About Christmas together and paper snowflakes. About new semesters and late night drives. Yeah, they were going to be okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit:[here’s the bonus story!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11468082)  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, suggestions and corrections are always welcomed!  
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://cibeeeeee.tumblr.com/) and/or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/spiciestcibee?lang=zh-tw) !
> 
> Edit: New version! Thank you thank you so much to utuki, who decided to beta the story for me! I'm sorry for anyone who had to read the un-betaed version haha...


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